


Would You Love Me Less? (Arrow / Flash x Reader)

by Honey_Tsundere



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DCU, The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Crossover, F/M, POV Female Character, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:53:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 40
Words: 46,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25369417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Honey_Tsundere/pseuds/Honey_Tsundere
Summary: Completed Story!You just have the best luck in the world, don't you? After 6 years of training, you are finally free to live a normal life as you always thought you deserved. You moved to Central City- the happiest city on the West Coast! You were excited for your brand new Physicist job at S.T.A.R. Labs. Unfortunately, things went south the night the Particle Accelerator was turned on, sending you running back home to Starling City.In everyone's life where something major happens that either makes you, or breaks you. For some of you, it's an island or a League... or even as simple as the fine line between love and hate.Regardless of how it affects you, you know your life will never be the same again. Do you share your secrets with those you love, or do you lie to try protecting them?***Oliver x Reader (Main)Barry x Reader (Secondary)**I do not own DC, CW, or any of the characters or quotes related to the comic series or tv shows. :) ****This story does have some mature content.  Please proceed cautiously if needed. **Thank you![Imported from my Wattpad]
Relationships: Barry Allen & Oliver Queen, Barry Allen/Oliver Queen, Barry Allen/Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak, Barry Allen/Reader, Felicity Smoak & Original Female Character(s), Nyssa al Ghul/Oliver Queen, Oliver Queen & Reader, Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak/Original Character(s), Oliver Queen/Original Character(s), Oliver Queen/Original Female Character(s), Oliver Queen/Reader
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

_-_ Central City -1 year ago-

"All I feel like I can say is that I feel like I've waited for this day for centuries..."

Pride and anticipation rose up inside of me as I listened to my genius boss project his voice to the whole team. For a moment, I felt true happiness; everything the team and I had worked so hard on paid off for just a few minutes. Wow, it was like hitting a jackpot in our field. After everything, the entire world could finally see science through completely new eyes.

I remember spacing out of Dr. Well's victory speech, which was one thing I have always regretted... I would love to remember how happy and proud he was that day. I looked around at all of the faces from the team that had so graciously accepted me when I needed a job. Caitlin and Ronnie, the power-couple... No force on Earth could pull those two apart. Cisco, oh sweet Cisco, he was always building something new on the side- even up to the day we turned that Particle Accelerator on.

"Ladies and gentlemen,... We did it!" Dr. Wells exclaimed, being followed by an eruption of claps. 

I can still remember the largest smile on Harrison Wells' face as he popped that champagne bottle; the one he supposedly bought when he got the idea for the Accelerator. Just as much as that smile was burned into my brain, so was the memory of how quickly it faded when the drink started to unnaturally float from the bottle, defying any laws of gravity.

For a moment, everyone in the room fell deathly silent, focusing the attention on the drink before gravity seemed to have remembered what it was there for, sending the drink splatting to the floor.

Almost immediately, the cortex alarms began to scream. I didn't need anyone to start panicking before my gut told me something had gone terribly wrong.

The building started to shake; sheer terror filled my stomach to the core. "Was that-" Cisco croaked, having his thought completed by Ronnie, "-Loud bang."

The entire team, including me, rushed immediately to the computers to check out the issue. The storm- it had to be the storm, or so I thought at the time.

I don't remember much of the details, but I remember the sinking feeling that the machine was going to blow up if the team didn't find a way to manually shut the machine down.

Ronnie was the lead engineer on the project, so he was the one who had to shut it off... he never came back.

It should have been me. I didn't deserve this team in the first place. Everything I have done that none of them knew about... it kills me that an innocent man had to give up his family and his life to protect the rest of us when I was literally crafted into a disposable warrior.

Just as quickly as my dreams had come true of being normal, they were ripped away almost as fast. I was never meant for that life; I was never meant to be a part of something greater...

After that night, I decided to move back in with my sister, Felicity- a new city, a new life. Always running.

-End of Flashback-

_-_

Starling City... Booming night life, which meant booming tips for a bangin' bartender!

Well, since that is what I decided to do with my PhD now.

"Oliver Queen." I joked, walking over to a familiar face at the end of the bar. "You really have to stop making this a habit. I told you, I am fine."

Oliver gave me a warm smile, "I just want to make sure you're okay, Y/N."

His cheeks had a feint pink tint to them, which were barely noticeable if I wasn't staring intently at his every move. Sure, I thought he was attractive, but billionaire playboy wasn't my type.

About a week ago, a man had me at gunpoint, but the vigilante 'Arrow' saved me before anything happened. There was only two reasons why someone would try attacking me, hopefully it was only for my life in Central City and not something deeper.

"Some people still don't think we have paid quite enough for what happened that day..." I honestly didn't need the vigilante's help; I could take care of myself. "Besides," I placed a drink on a napkin in front of him, "No offense, but I'm pretty sure the _Arrow_ would be better protection than you, Oli; have you even shot an arrow before?"

I met Oliver about a year ago, right when I moved back in with my sister, who is one of his closest friends.

Oliver Queen... What do I even say about him?

The perfect man. He is rich, he is sweet, and I am fairly certain that his arms aren't the only toned muscles under the shirt he had on.

"Doesn't mean I can't keep an eye on my friends." He responded, taking a sip of his drink. "What do you need, Oli? We're basically closed." He placed a large bill on the counter and half-way got up, but he only stopped to lean in against the counter, "Can I take you home?"

I played with the bill between my fingers; I used to fight with him about leaving huge tips, but I quickly discovered that arguing with Oliver is next to useless. Now, he comes almost every day I am working.

"Of course," I smiled, "but I am afraid you'll have to wait downstairs, Mr. Queen..."

I said his formal name in a teasing tone, which made him raise an eyebrow. He always hated it when I teased his rich boy _My-mommy-owns-a-company_ lifestyle. "I have to close up shop." He nodded then headed towards the elevator.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd have thought the two of you are in love." My coworker, Cecilia, stated when Oliver vanished from site. Her words made me catch myself smiling from ear to ear. Quickly, I reminded the muscles where they belong after a brief laugh, "Not a chance. We've been friends for over a year now.... If Oliver wanted to be with me, Ce, he would have already tried."

Ce counted her tips with a doubtful smirk on her face. She never would take my shit... funny how she soon became my best friend in Starling City only days after moving here. I owe a lot to that red-head; she gave me this wonderful job and also a shoulder to lean on. Most importantly, she never asked questions when she knew I didn't want to talk about my past before moving back hom- _here_.

I rolled my eyes at her then grabbed a sanitizer rag and turned her, "Hey, I've got it here if you wanted to head home. I know you have to get your daughter to bed." She smiled with not only her lips, but her eyes and her cheeks also, "Are you sure, Y/N?" Before you get any ideas, only she is allowed to call me by that nickname.

I nodded with an approving smile before she gleefully left towards the elevator without a fight. I started wiping off one of the tables, but a sparkling light caught my eye. I looked up from the table to notice how breathtaking the view of the city was at night. ' _Wow... I've never noticed how small the city looks from up here.._.' I thought to myself.

It's true. I spent so much time hating this place I once called home. I would curse the city, but maybe if things were different I could look at that skyline with a better outlook.

After another glance, I put away the rag and began counting the tips I gathered from the night; it pays to live in such a rich city. "Y/N Smoak..." A deep, raspy voice cut through the distant nightlife. A wave of pure terror swept over me as I whipped around to see a figure in full tactical gear with a half yellow, half black mask on. I suddenly remembered him as Deathstroke, although he has never confronted me before.

Why now?

"What do you want from me?" I kept my cool while slowly backing up to the silent alarm Oliver insisted to be installed. "I do not want anything _from_ you... I am here for you, Y/N."

The chilling words crept up my spine and created a knot in my throat as if I had swallowed an entire frog. Does he know who I am deeper than just a name? If so, then exactly which version of me is he after? The physicist, or someone much worse from before Central City?

"I... I don't understand." Were my last words before I felt a sharp ping in my neck and my vision faded out to black. I never made it to the silent alarm, unfortunately. 


	2. Chapter 2

-Russia- 6 years ago-

I remember I was in a bar; it was far from quiet- not too many bars in Russia ever were. I was sitting at a table with a woman named Vitka, a man named Echo, anther woman named Nyssa, and her father named Ra's.

Vitka was always my favorite, maybe because she was my trainer. She taught me to fight, to survive, and how to turn off my emotions; she turned me into something else.

Vitka and her lover, Echo, were the two who saved me from a situation I found myself in- the wrong place and wrong time, to put it in simple terms.

Vitka took me to Ra's Al Ghul, who offered me a lifetime of loyal allies and strong training to protect myself from those horrible mafia members ever again. Who was I to pass up an opportunity like that? I was tired of being someone who always needed to be saved.

But I won't go into the details about them... yet...

I hadn't sat much with Nyssa or her father. After all, Ra's Al Ghul was the leader of my... organization.

The times I did share with Nyssa were some of my favorites since we would always have mock fights; she taught me a lot of techniques that were different than Vitka's, which is why my style of fighting eventually became so unique.

Oh, organization? It's just the word I gave the League of Assassins to make myself feel less of a shit-show when I talked myself into the slivers of sleep I could manage after moving to Central City.

The good thing about moving to Central instead of Starling was I didn't have connections to my old self asking where I had disappeared for 6 years.

But back to the bar story now, please...

I found myself swirling the single ice cube in my glass impatiently. "Careful, Y/N, you will attract attention." Vitka quietly warned.

I reminded my body to stay calm, which is something I struggled with at the time. I don't know, I was always so eager waiting for the next event to occur. Passing time was never my strong suit, it still shows through occasionally if I'm being blunt.

The front entry bell caught my attention, welcoming a bald man with a scar down the back of his head into the bar. My muscles tensed up- that had to be the guy, right?

Bad guys always had face scars.

He was my training target- someone low profile enough that the League could afford to let him get away and still be able to track and take down.

The directions were simple- find a suspect, interrogate the suspect, determine if the suspect is the target.

The rules were these: no killing, no help.

I slowly got up from my seat and innocently asked the bartender for another round, conveniently finding myself beside the newcomer.

As expected, I remember grabbing his attention faster than I could say 'on the rocks.'

A new record, for sure.

"Well hello, miss." His voice was thick with a Russian accent, not that that gave anything away from the description Vitka supplied to me. I offered an endearing smile to the Russian, pushing my shoulder slightly forward to allow my H/L H/C hair roll gracefully behind me.

Hmm, I kind of miss that H/C hair... It was something I did to somehow tell myself I had become something new than who I used to be. Shortly after moving to Central City, I colored it back to the H/C that matched well with my S/C skin.

"What is your name?"

I decided to use my usual cover name, "Tatyana... but you can call me Tati."

After some flirting, I was able to gain his trust like a fish to a worm and I had him follow me to a private room away from any pair of ears.

That is where the real fun happened.

I remember the exact moment Vitka had entered the room; I had my sword shoved through the suspect's right shoulder, piercing it all the way through. Torture was a new concept to me at the time, I was pretty uncomfortable doing it- and looking back I was doing it all wrong... I would torture after I didn't get the answer I needed while now I know you torture first and then ask the questions.

Saves time.

But anyway, he was crying- begging me that he had no idea what I was talking about. The only answer he would give my questions were 'I have a family,' and 'please, I have two children.'

"Have you made a decision?" Vitka greeted, not even the slightest phased by his hysterical sobbing.

I yanked the sword from his shoulder and replaced it into its holder only after wiping the dripping layer of crimson coloring on the man's opposite shoulder sleeve to clean my sword, "It isn't him..."

I remember untying the suspect and feeling defeated. It was only after he left that Vitka had spoke, "No, that was indeed the target." My pride was shattered. "Do you understand the lesson? Why we picked him for you?"

The lesson was simple- to appeal to emotion is the strongest repellent. In other words, he lied about having children; he even lied about having a wife! The point was, I believed him because he ignored my questions and romanticized this fake life to cover his guilt. In reality, I should have listened to my gut the moment it told me he was the man I was targeting.

Ignorance is bliss... I suppose.

I knew the lesson would serve me well some day, but I never knew it would be so soon after leaving that life behind me.

-End of Flashback-

-

My head was pounding.

I was cold, scared.

I opened my eyes and let in the dimly lit surroundings. I noticed instantly that my wrists as well as legs were bound tightly to a chair. ' _Great, time to loosen up some old tactics and get the fuck out of here before you-know-who gets back.'_

It had been quite a while since I've had to worry about escaping from an unknown bunker. I might have been a bit out of practice to say the least; it took a little too long and was a little too late.

"Please," I whimpered, "Someone help me! Please!" I shouted, switching into a facade of a helpless damsel in distress. A familiar voice interrupted, "Now why would I bring you anywhere where your screaming would help save you?"

I turned to see the man sitting across the room comfortably lounging; his mask was off and I could now see his facial features along with his eyepatch, "I don't believe we've had the privilege of meeting." He started, "My name is Slade Wilson."

I clenched my teeth and allowed them to grind against one another in anger from his apparent Australian accent, "Let. Me. GO!"

Slade started to laugh and pulled a large Katana style sword from a holster located on his back. While doing so, he got up from his seat and took agonizingly slow steps toward me. "You are quite the feisty one, hmm?" He slid the flat part of his sword underneath of my chin, which made me tense up and squeeze my eyes shut in anticipation.

I could have, and probably would have, stared at him straight in the face if I knew that he knew who I was. But I didn't know who he thought I was, so... Ignorance is bliss-

I spoke softly to ensure the safety of my skin, "Please, I beg you.... please don't hurt me. If this is about the particle accel-"

"I don't want to hurt you, Miss Smoak. I want to hurt Oliver Queen..." Slade explained, cutting me off.

Oliver? What could he possibly have wanted from Oli- oh wait.

Right. I made close acquaintance with a very rich man, which could only mean he kidnapped me as some form of ransom.

I was genuinely afraid to cut myself on the sword, so I only opened my eyes slightly.

The slightest release of tension against my neck gave me room to speak, "I don't understand. What do you want with Oliver? What would taking me have anything to do with him? We aren't even that close."

"I should have been more specific. I want to hurt the man in the hood- the _Arrow_." Slade took his sword completely away from my neck after he spoke, examining the fine point at the end of the sword as he continued, "I bet you have a lot of questions now, don't you?"

"Just one; what does Oliver have anything to do with the Arrow?" I asked. Slade shook his head in a sick sense of amusement, "Because," he brought his face closer to mine and spoke slowly, "They are the same person."

I found my mouth had parted in shock. It couldn't be true... could it? I mean, what would have to be the odds? Oliver is nothing more than a spoiled rich boy that probably wouldn't even save a spider if he could help it.

I started to ask another question, but only a squeak was able to escape before I heard noises outside of the warehouse.

Slade grabbed his mask and then turned to me, "Show time... You sit tight, I will be back for you." He tightly tied a rope around my mouth and to the back of my head, making a shoelace bow out of it when he was done tightening it. "I always wrap my gifts with bows... Tell Mr. Queen I send my regards." He slid the sword through the right side of my waist. Back in the days when I was in the League, I probably would have been able to endure the pain, but as you know, I was a bit out of touch with my practices. Worse yet, the rope Slade had around my mouth was so tight that I couldn't scream, although I tried to anyway.

Helplessly, I was forced to accept that I was likely going to die there, wherever 'there' was. The wound was punctured completely through my body, leaving my body to be drained of its blood. I felt the cold air reach through my body and shake my bones.

There was a huge bang as the door came crashing down and entered immediately after none other than the Arrow... or... Oliver? He quickly came over and untied the rope from around my head. "Are you okay?" He asked, but with his voice in an electronically altered way. He pulled the rope from my mouth so I could answer. "He.. My..... Waist..." I whimpered, looking down to the wound.

Police sirens blared in the distance, getting closer and closer with each cry. The Arrow looked behind him, then quickly back to me. "You will be okay, I promise. The police will be in here in less than 60 seconds to help you."

"No! There isn't enough time!" I shouted through the pain, unwilling to move enough to bleed out more. "I have to go." He shot a grapple arrow to escape before the police arrive.

I knew there wasn't enough time; at this rate, I would bleed out halfway to the hospital whenever the ambulance decided to arrive. Those odds were not ones that I was willing to take a chance on, so I decided I had to do the one thing I thought could force him to help.

"Oliver..."

Well, that is if Slade was right.

The man stopped dead in his tracks. For a moment, everything was at a picture perfect standstill. The Arrow's hood was laying gracefully over his face features so I couldn't make out who he was. My body was quickly giving up on me, but I made it a point to push through it and survive.

I was able to push out just one last sentence, "Oli... I need you to help me. Please."


	3. Chapter 3

Soft green lights and a rhythmic beeping from a heart monitor machine wake me from my sleep. By no means was this my home or the hospital, but I could tell that it wasn't somewhere I would be unsafe.

The dull pain emitting from my side inspired me to take a quick inventory with my body. My side should have been throbbing from the pain, but it looked as though I was hooked up with fluids from an IV to help ease the suffering. I turned my head until my right ear was flat against the table and I saw a man standing close by.

It took only a few blinks until my vision came back and I saw Oliver Queen with his Arrow suit on. ' _Wow... Slade was telling me the truth.... but why?'_

Oliver had no hood or mask on and was talking to his bodyguard and... _my sister?_

That was the most confusing part of everything. How could Felicity keep that kind of secret from the girl she shared a house and blood with? Confusion and pent up fear surfaced in my body and the only thing i thought of was getting the hell out of there!

I ripped all of the tubes and the wires out of my body as quick and silently as I could before I got off of the table.

_Fuck!_

I ended up falling off of the table in my attempt, not realizing how weak I was at the time. Oliver rushed over with the others close behind him, which is exactly what I was trying to avoid- attention.

"Hey, hey, hey... Y/N, take it easy." He held my shoulders to steady me and helped me up. "I'm fine!" I snapped. I was clearly confused and stressed from my newest discovery that Oliver Queen was some sort of double agent. "Please... don't touch me."

Oliver didn't listen to my wish. Instead, he continued to help me until I was back safely on the stainless steel table. "No," I protested, "I want to go home."

"Okay, I can-" Oliver started. I put my index finger up towards him to stop the sentence I knew was forming. "Not from you, Oliver... Or should I say Arrow?"

All three of them paused and stared at me for an awkward moment. _'Don't they get why I'm upset? A psycho man in a mask shoves a sword in my side all because, what? Because my sister just happened to forget to mention that my new friend- as well as SHE- was involved in vigilante crap?'_

If I had just known, I could have brushed up on some old habits and I could have protected myself! If it was something this severe- that I could have lost my life over their secret, then Felicity should have told me.

But the fact is, she didn't.

Is this why he insisted on the alarms? Driving me home? Showing up to work every day for the past month? Is this where Felicity has been running off to when she says she has 'work?'

Everything started to come together now and started to make more sense that they were in this particular business.

"I can take you home..." Felicity offered cautiously, probably not wanting to get her ass chewed like Oliver did. I simply shook my head, then looked at Diggle, "Can you take me?"

Why? Two reasons. 1. Diggle hadn't been lying to me, since I didn't really know him like that. 2. I only really knew his name at the time. No emotional connections.

"Y/N, please-" Felicity's voice cracked from trying to hold back her tears. I chose to give her a glance with slit eyes instead of yelling at her.

Diggle was gentle when he helped me up from the table; he took his time helping me up the stairs since I could only go but so fast.

I'm sure this scene would have been awkward if I wasn't so pissed.

The ride home was a quiet one, which I liked. It seemed like I chose the right driver to take me home. The car came to a stop in front of my house; Diggle came around to get me out. I would have tried getting out myself, but for some reason the child locks were on?

"You don't have to listen to me, especially not right now, but Oliver... He didn't tell you because he was trying to protect you. He cares about you, Y/N."

I scoffed in response, "Protect me?" I pushed off of using him as a crutch so I could latch onto the door handle. "Diggle, is it? You really want to look me in the face again and say that he wants to _protect_ me while I have a fucking hole in my side with God-knows how many stitches? If he wanted to 'protect' me, he would have either told me the truth or left me and my family the fuck alone."

Diggle didn't respond, he just nodded and left me to go inside.

' _Why didn't I figure this out?_

_Why didn't Felicity tell me?_

_What really happened to Oliver Queen on that island?'_

Thoughts flooded my head while I attempted to get some rest in the comfort of my own bed. _'I'm definitely going to have to call out of work tomorrow...'_


	4. Chapter 4

"Y/N...?" Felicity timidly called out while she sat on the edge of my bed; my back was faced towards her. I didn't blame her for being cautious since, growing up, I was always the hothead between the two of us. "My side hurts." I stated simply in the coldest tone I could summon.

I heard Felicity throw her hands up and allow them to slap back down to her thighs, "Clearly, we have some things to talk about."

"No." I turned around and winced in pain as I tried adjusting. I wanted to confront her about this little secret while I looked in her face. "You have some things to explain to me, Felicity. We can start with why you haven't told me my best friend fights crime in Starling City as a hobby? ...Or maybe you can start by telling me why a creepy Australian pirate wanted to kidnap me to get at Oliver? Oh, wait... I've got it. Explain to me how lying to me is supposed to _protect me."_

Felicity sighed before standing up, "Listen... It wasn't my secret to tell you, Y/N."

Felicity grabbed her jacket and put it on one sleeve after another, "Oliver does his best to make the right choices every time... And if he believed that keeping this from you kept you safer than telling you, then I believe it; you should believe it, too."

I said nothing in response. After all, what Felicity said made sense. I mean, hell, had I told any of them about me and my involvement with the League of Assassins? Regardless of how much Felicity had made sense, nothing kept me from being upset in that moment.

Felicity stopped with her hand on my bedroom door, "If you change your mind, we could use an ex-physicist on the team. The directions on how to find us are on your night stand... Throw it away, follow them, do whatever it is that you have to do."

I watched my sister leave my room, shutting the door behind her. The yellow sticky note on my nightstand caught my attention and dared me to look at it. But why? Why shouldn't I have ripped up that piece of trash without a second thought?

Because of Oliver?

 _Goddamnit_.

I slowly eased my body up from laying down and proceeded to pick up the piece of paper, which appeared to be written in Oliver's handwriting. Clearly, I had too many questions to _not_ show up there, right?

Slowly but surely, I made my way to the kitchen to grab some breakfast so I could be sure I wouldn't change my mind about going back there. Ugh, of course I wouldn't change my mind... _Oliver Queen.._. He had this mysterious hold over me, drawing me closer to him the further I tried pulling away.

After a drive into the Glades, I walked into an empty Verdant building. Clever... Hidden in plain sight. I then walked down the stairs of a basement I never knew existed. ' _Does their security suck, or did they leave it open for me to come?'_

Felicity and Diggle both noticed me before Oliver, since he was busy sharpening arrowheads with- oof, with no shirt on. This gave me the opportunity to see some pretty serious scars on his back, along with some pretty... _gorgeous_ muscles.

How did he get those scars, though? Was it the island? Oliver never talked about what happened to him when he was on that island. Did Felicity know the stories behind them?

' _Why did Felicity get to stare at that body and not me? Unfair.'_

Diggle slapped Oliver's shoulder with the back of his hand, which forced him to turn around and lock his deep blue eyes on me. "Y/N." He instantly rushed over to help me the rest of the way down the stairs. Thank God, it was kind of hurting.

"Can we talk, please?" I asked Oliver. He nodded and gave the other two a look that made them leave the room. _Wow, the level of communication._ "Were you ever going to tell me?" I asked after he was finally able to get me settled into a chair. He opened his mouth to talk, but I stopped him when I noticed him look away- a clear sign of a liar. "And try not to tell any more lies than you've already told me."

Oliver hesitated, but then shook his head, "No."

My eyes trailed down to the scars on the front of his body as well as his tattoos, abs, and that V-line that was peaking out from his jeans. "Can you um,..." I stuttered off topic, "Do you own a shirt, or?" He looked down to his own body, then back to my light brown eyes, "What? Too distracting for you?" A smirk folded onto his face, which made my palms sweaty. "I'm just..." I almost hadn't, but I recognized the moment as a playboy who was just trying to escape confrontation.

"Why did you lie to me, Oli?" I asked, snapping my attention back to the matter at hand. "Y/N, I think you know that answer... Are you here to ask me questions, or are you here to take my offer?"

"Offer?" I asked, repeating his own words back to him. "Yes, an offer. Come work with us; I can at least keep you safe now if you're here. Slade Wilson obviously has his sights set on you."

Simultaneously as he spoke, he pulled up the side of my shirt gently to examine my injury and make sure the stitches he gave me hadn't reopened. "Do I get my own desk?" You ask, forcing a chuckle and receiving one of those rare Oliver smiles in response, "Yes, Y/N, you get your own desk." He paused, "So is that a yes?"

"For now."

My plan was that, in time, I could ask all of the questions I needed to. At least by accepting a job with them, I wouldn't have to worry about Slade coming back for me until I've had the opportunity to heal and then practice.


	5. Chapter 5

-Starling City -4 months ago-

There was so much I remembered from that day: how the cold rain poured unforgivingly from the grey sky, or how it participated in the silence from those standing close.

I may have forgotten all of the faces there, but I never forgot exactly how the droplets of water formed on top of her casket.

It should have been me... I should have been the one working that shift. If not for being able to fight, then at least for her daughter. How many times did I need to escape death before it finally caught up to me?

I remember watching from a distance after the ceremony as the workers started shoveling dirt into the void in the ground. The rain didn't bother me so much; I was numb to any feelings at that point. "Whoever it was who murdered you, Ce, I bet he didn't count on who your best friend was." I spoke quietly to the rain.

"When I find him, he will pay slowly and painfully for what he did to you... to your family; I promise."

-End of Flashback-

-

Five months later and the only thing I had to show from the night I found out Oliver's secret was a scar on the right side of my body. Four months later and the only thing I had from Cecilia's murder was a name- Lassiter Broadstraum.

I knocked on the door of a closed casino in the Glades in search for Lassiter to ask him a few questions- nothing.. too painful. When I knock, however, the door is already cracked open. I cautiously walked in, placing one hand on my gun.

I never appreciated guns, but I had no excuse for carrying anything else without drawing attention to my past life.

"Mr. Broadstraum? I just want to talk..."

A phone buzzed on the bar counter and attracted me to investigate. I picked it up and see Unknown Caller written across it. Just as I was about to answer it, there was a click behind my head. "Get your hands where I can see them." The man's voice growled.

"Lassiter?" You asked cautiously. I put my hands in the air slowly to avoid a quick bullet in the head; I knew I could disarm him if needed. "I don't want to hear another word out of your mouth." He responded.

"I don't want to hurt you, I want to ask you a few questions." You explained. Slowly, I turned around to face him, hands still in the air.

I took note of every detail on his face- his half missing eyebrow, his hair darker than the night, and his skin wrinkled with age. Most importantly, I could see a glimpse of fear in his eyes, which was the only sign I needed.

In an instant, I swung my hand down to hit the gun out of his hand, which was surprisingly easier than I anticipated. This man was no trained criminal; he had no right to shoot anyone.

Lassiter fought back, but I put up a better fight and now I had him on the ground, "How do you know Cecilia Foster!?" I shouted, pointing my gun at him. Another reason to hate guns... they have no leverage to persuade the truth.

"You won't shoot me..." He said through a fit of laughter, "I can tell." I tightened my grip on the handle, "Are you serious? Who has the gun?"

His grin grew wide, "They do."

A short pang of fear ripped into my stomach when I turned to see multiple men all holding guns much larger than mine at me. The distraction was enough for Lassiter to overpower and disarm me, switching from being the _pinned_ to the _pinner_.

The gun cocked, which made me squeeze my eyes shut in anticipation for the inevitable. Just then, I heard the zooming of an arrow knock the gun from Lassiter's hands. Then, a restraint arrow pinned Lassiter to a nearby box with wires wrapped around him.

_Oli! ...Oh, shit- Oliver._

"Go! Now!" Oliver demanded in his electronic voice. I ran towards the nearest cover I could find, which is behind a slot machine.

I had the privilege of watching Oliver kick ass as usual, but then he came over and pulled me up by my wrist. "What _EXACTLY_ do you think you're doing, Y/N?!" He shouted. Yep, I knew he was pissed.

"I didn't think he would have a gun, let alone backup." I explained. "Really? The man suspected in the murder of your friend wouldn't carry a gun!? Do you realize how stupid that sounds?"

"Hey, calm down!" I demanded. I saw his lips press angrily into a fine line; he squeezed my wrist tighter before having to let go to get a hold on himself. "Oliver, why are you-" I didn't even finish what I was saying. Instead, I watched Oliver pace back and forth while he rubbed his head underneath his hood out of frustration.

"Hey..." I said in a calmer tone while I reached for his arm. Oliver stopped and took off his hood to look at me through his mask; the mask made it harder to see what was going on in that mind of his.

I heard a feint voice speaking through his earpiece just a moment before he ripped it out and slammed it to the concrete floor with enough force that it broke. "What if it were Slade Wilson? Hmm?" He asked as he stepped closer to me.

"But it wasn't, at best he was in the mafia or something." I responded.

"You're missing the point. Slade could have- _he would have killed you_ given another chance. He is willing to take those that matter the most away from me.... I care about you, Y/N. Maybe a little too much. Why can't you understand that?"

I hadn't noticed, but at some point his face ended up within inches of mine. There was a long pause before I nodded to avoid conflict, although I never quite understood Oliver Queen.

To my surprise, Oliver gripped the back of my head with one hand and held my lower back against him with the other as he pulled me in and slammed his lips desperately onto mine. Giving in to the kiss was easy- natural.

I had no space to argue or ask questions. Honestly, I was afraid to bring his attention to what he was doing in hopes that it would continue.

I lost track after the fourth kiss or so from being too focused on how his gloves tried to explore how close his body could get to mine. I finally allowed my hands to lift from my side and I wrapped them around his neck. I leaned into the kisses more until my entire body was involved in the kisses and was tingling.

Oliver pulled away to catch his breath, leaving me panting silently to do the same. "Go home, Y/N."

_Wait, what?_

Oliver threw his hood back on and disappeared from the casino.

_What... The hell... Was that?_


	6. Chapter 6

I never went back to Verdant after whatever it was that happened that morning. I refused to confront Oliver about the situation.

I finished cleaning up the bar until I heard a noise behind me. In an instant, I drew my gun and pointed it towards the sound.

I saw his blue eyes reflect the dim light the bar allowed to emit, his hands were relaxed behind his back as if he were patiently waiting for something.

"Oliver," I sighed in relief, putting my gun back on my hip.

Oliver stepped further into the dim light with a smile on his face; he was wearing a nice blazer. "Have you ever considered arrows?" He joked. The joke was on him... if only he knew.

"Yesterday, when you saved me..." I began.

"Sh, sh, shhhh...." Oliver whispered. He put his finger against his lips gently. "Don't ask questions. I already know what they are."

"So, I take it I'm not getting the answers any time soon?" I asked as I leaned against the counter with my arms folded.

Oliver's arms and hands returned from behind him and he stood a foot or so away from me. The same feeling from this morning rushed back to my body. "Mmhmn..." He purred with his lips pressed together. I always thought he was so cute when he did that. "Need a ride home?" He offered.

"Uh, yeah. Sure, Oli." I agreed with a smile, hanging up one last glass for the night to avoid eye contact. Oliver followed me to the elevator and to his motorcycle.

The ride down the elevator felt a lot safer with Oliver by my side. When both of us are at his bike, he gave me a helmet to wear while he spoke, "Is Felicity home?" He asked. I buckled my helmet strap, thinking nothing of his question at the time. "Yeah, she wanted to clean the house before our mom came down to visit."

Oliver didn't say anything else after that. I got onto the back of his bike and wrapped my arms around him to keep myself on the bike. I wanted desperately for my body to stop begging me to kiss him!

"This... isn't where I live." I observed when the two of us arrived at a gorgeous mansion. "Mmhmn..." Oliver held out a hand to me to help me off the motorcycle.

Curiosity got the best of me, so I offered my own hand in return. The two of us entered the house and I immediately took notice of some pictures along the walls... ' _This must be Oliver's house...'_

"Oliver... Why did you bring me here?"

It was at that moment I realized he never let go of my hand after taking it, "I thought you could use a drink." He shrugged. What a liar. "Except... I work at a bar, a bar we both were just at, and I could have given you whatever drink you wanted... So why am I really here?"

I tilted my head to see how Oliver's face responded to me calling him out on his lies. He simply cocked his head and then turned to face me on the stairs with that fake-innocent Oliver smile spread across his face. "Y/N.... Don't ask questions, please."

The two of us proceeded up the rest of the stairs and down the hall to a room. Oliver opened it and offered me first entry.

As promised, I saw champagne waiting neatly at a lounging area in the bedroom. I walked further into the room, examining how breathtaking it was. "I..."

I turned to see Oliver shutting the door behind him. "I don't understand, Oliver." As I said this, Oliver walked towards me with purpose in his steps. "Why have you brought m-"

The answer became black and white to me when I felt the familiar warmth of Oliver's lips against mine. They were different that time, more desperate and stronger than before.

Oli pulled away to talk against my lips with his hand rested gently on my waist, "I couldn't stop thinking about you all day... I kept trying to convince myself that this morning meant nothing, but it hasn't gone away and it's clear that you've been thinking about this too."

He left gentle kisses along my jaw and down my neck; I couldn't think of a single question on my mind if I had tried. Like before, giving in to him was easy. I let my eyes close so I could focus on how his soft lips trailed along my skin.

His bare fingers slid underneath my tank top, pulling the material under his grasp as he moved it up my body. I returned the favor by unbuttoning his dress shirt and I peeled it from his muscular shoulder. I noticed Oliver looking down at my body while I removed his shirt. "Just one question," he muttered. Oliver ran his finger gently along my developing scar, "How's your side?" 

I tried to mentally check in with my body, but it was just screaming and begging for him to touch me once more and kiss me again. "I'm sure it's fine." I told him. I was awarded with his soft lips and embrace once more after my response.

We assisted one another with taking off the rest of our clothing, although Oliver seemed to be a bit more experienced doing so than I was, and kept getting frustrated when I would take too long. Eventually, I succeeded and Oliver backed me up while he twisted his tongue with mine until we both fell onto his bed.

One year ago, I would have laughed at the thought of having an opportunity such as that one. Honestly, I had played out this moment so many times in my head even before this morning. Like I said before, he had a hold on me.

He sank easily into me, resulting in my nails digging into his back- oh, God, his perfectly toned back. The feeling was all too much, adding on top of things that he found comfort in kissing and sucking my neck.

I gave up questions, reality, rationality,- whatever it was that kept my head above water. Instead, I gave into my deepest instincts- I gave into Oliver Queen.


	7. Chapter 7

-Russia -5 years ago-

"What happened to them..." I asked as I slowly walked through the room and examined the bodies.

I remember how they looked in the lowlight from the florescent bulbs. There were twelve of them- all dead. Each victim's eyes were dripping down their cheeks with blood.

"They call it Mirakuru. It means 'miracle.'" Vitka explained. I noticed the foot and wrist cuffs that detained them from getting up. Must have been a painful death... "What did it do to them?"

"We aren't sure... We believe that they are using it to make some sort of super soldier; they want to create an invincible, all-powerful man who cannot be stopped." Her voice sent shivers down my spine.

"They will never succeed." I muttered, trying more to convince myself. Vitka held open the door for me, "Not so far."

-End of Flashback-

-

Mmm... What a beautiful dream.

Wait. No.

Not a dream?

I investigated my immediate line of sight and instantly realized that my night with Oliver was far from any imagination or dream.

I rolled over to find an empty space beside me in the bed... ' _That's fine... just another vigilante emergency, I'm sure.'_

I put on last nights clothes before heading directly back to Verdant. The taxi driver was _horrendous..._ She kept interrogating me since I was a woman who was leaving Oliver Queen's house in the light of morning.

I never even responded to a single question, so why did she keep pestering me?

After I made it to the club, I walked down the stairs; I am stopped in my tracks when I noticed Oliver, Diggle, and Felicity look up at me. Oliver seemed to be carrying the weight of the entire world on his shoulders again, which was worrisome to me to say the least.

Oliver turned to Felicity and Diggle and muttered a short sentence to them. I didn't know what he had said, but it must have been him asking them to leave the room so you and him could talk. 

I cautiously walked closer to him.

He took notice of my hesitation and tilted his head curiously in response, "Are you okay?"

Really?

"Yeah? Are you?"

"Slade is back, Y/N. I need for you, now more than ever, to be somewhere safe. I want Diggle watching you until we can figure out where Slade is." After he saw the visible confusion on my face, Oliver checked his surroundings, "Y/N..."

I noticed he couldn't finish where he was going, "Last night..." I continued for him. Oliver pressed his lips together with a nod, "Was a mistake." He flatly stated.

The words twisted in my stomach in an uncomfortable way. _A mistake_? I saw him refuse to make eye contact with me. "A mistake?" I repeated out loud.

"Yes. A mistake, Y/N. I.. I had already had a few drinks and after what happened at the casino and that kiss, I fell victim to nothing short of lust. It didn't mean anything, but I did have fun and I hope you did as well."

How could his words be so flat? So matter-of-fact? I knew for sure that I never once tasted a drop of alcohol on his lips. Even if he was drinking, how about before that night when he kissed me that morning? There was no chance all of this was run on an adrenaline-filled mistake.

"We both have a lot of work to do, so I suggest we both get to it. We have an old friend to track down." With that last statement, Oliver left the room.

Roy walked in from the ally entrance and must have noticed the expression on my face, "Are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost." He asked.

I quickly decided to push my emotions aside and I choked back any tears threatening my waterline, "I have work to do." I said flatly. I made my way to my computer at my desk. "Suit yourself." Roy shrugged.

Not even a minute later, Felicity walked back into the room and sat beside me. "I can't help but notice you're throwing yourself into your work right now.... Are you okay?"

"You know what, Felicity?" I broke my gaze from the computer, "I am sick of people asking me that question right now."

"Okay. Tell me what happened. I am your sister, you kinda have to tell me." She insisted.

"Oliver... He sorta... shared some things with me yesterday and proceeded to tell me today that being real with me was a mistake."

Felicity slowly nodded, "So... if I am deciphering your cryptic message correctly, 'shared some things' means something a lot more intimate than what you ate for lunch that day."

The lack of response made Felicity fill in the silence. I regretted not telling her about Oliver kissing me this morning... Maybe she could have warned me?

She opened her mouth to speak, but was promptly cut off by the Ally entrance door blasting open.

In the fit of sparks and smoke, I saw him as he stood there. "It's Slade." Felicity gasped.

"Oliver!" Felicity shouted.

Obviously, he was already aware something just happened.

A red arrow flew first from the target room towards Slade, followed immediately by Sara and Diggle who rushed in to fight.

"Felicity, down!" I shouted and pushed her underneath the table for cover. Oliver came from the adjacent room and stood between Slade and me, since I couldn't exactly hide under the desk also.

I wished I could grab the nearest weapon and help them. Somehow, I could tell that revealing to the team my little secret about who I used to be wouldn't exactly sit well in their stomachs.

Instead, I got down on my hands and knees and crawled towards another source of cover.

They all had Slade surrounded, doing the best they could to keep him from doing whatever his mission was.

Just as quickly as the fight had begun, it ended just as fast and Slade was gone.

"Check everything. See what is missing! He had to have come here for a reason." Sara growled, then frantically searched a nearby table.

"Is everyone okay?" Oliver asked.

I slowly stood up, breathing unevenly. The only word I could manage to form was "Oli..."

The entire team turned to see me standing in front of them, looking down at a small dart pierced through my leg. Attached to the needle was a completely empty canister, with the exception of a couple drops. "Oh, my God, Oliver." Felicity said, starting to freak out while looking at the drops left in the tube. "Mirakuru...."

Oliver caught me before I completely fell onto the ground underneath my own weight. My body started to involuntarily convulse. Within moments, I was screaming in agony and whirling around in Oliver's grasp.

"What do we do!?" Felicity cried. "Felicity, is S.T.A.R. Laboratories finished with that cure yet? We could really use it about now." Oliver responded and pulled me to the operating table.

"We don't have time, Oli. We wouldn't be abl-" Felicity stopped and grabbed her phone hastily, "Barry! Help! It's my sister, we need you!" She yelled into the phone.

Not even a minute later, Barry rushed in the room followed by a tangle of lightning.

"Do you have that cure we asked you to make?" Oliver asked Barry the instant he arrived. "They're working on something, but it hasn't been tested." Barry responded.

"Well, I guess it's time to test it now!" Oliver dragged me to Barry. "Her eyes are starting to bleed, hurry!"

Just as soon as Barry came, he left with me in his arms. If I wasn't being dealt a huge amount of pain, I could almost enjoy how quickly I travelled to Central City.

I heard feint voices fade out along with my vision and the pain until everything I saw and felt was nothing.


	8. Chapter 8

My eyes fluttered open to see Caitlin, Cisco, Oliver, and Felicity all gathered close by. A chain reaction was started when I attempted to sit up in bed, making everyone rush over. Oliver sat down to my left and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tight- maybe a little _too_ tight. Oli had his full Arrow gear on to protect his identity from the entire Team Flash, with the exception of Barry.

"You don't have to sit up, Y/N," Caitlin assured. "You need your rest. We have to run tests to make sure the serum actually worked. It could take a day or two... maybe even more."

"No." Oliver growled in the electronic Arrow voice. His voice was much deeper and scarier that way, honestly. "We can take her home now. Thank you for your help."

Barry whipped into view, but in the main room instead of my infirmary. Luckily, I could see him through the glass walls. He had his suit on, but his mask was pulled back so I could admire his facial features. I heard about Barry becoming the Flash, but I hadn't had the pleasure of meeting him yet.

He was an attractive man, no doubt. But I wasn't in the mood to drool over men at this point in my life.

"No disrespect, Mr. Queen, but the decision is up to Y/N." Cisco intruded.

I confided with your thoughts _, 'Maybe this is for the best... In Central City I could escape both Slade and Oliver... Hmm. Funny, to use those two in the same sentence in such a negative connotation.'_

"I think I should stay..." My focus failed to break away from Barry and how he looked in his suit, "Run some tests, make sure the serum is truly gone."

_'Can he really run as fast as they say he can? I wish I could have noticed when he was saving me.'_

Oliver traced my gaze to Barry and was immediately slapped in the face with a splatter of jealousy. Oliver grabbed my hand and helped me up from the bed; He led me into the nearest hallway where we could be alone. "What are you doing?" He asked sternly.

"Oliver, I need to make sure this... Mirakuru stuff isn't still in me. Have they even tested if it works?" I rambled, avoiding the truth desperately.

Well, I wasn't avoiding the whole truth. I do feel fine, but Mirakuru is one drug that has always scared the shit out of me, so I do want to make sure the test results are 100%. I believe in redundancies.

The truth was, I wanted to be as far from Oliver as physically possible right now.

"No.. _You_ have a little 'thing' for Barry Allen, don't you?"

' _Really? That's the immediate conclusion he came to? I haven't even met the man, who does he think I am? Just because I slept with him means I sleep with every vigilante or superhero I lay eyes on?_ '

I scoffed in amusement, "I'm sorry, is the great Oliver Queen _jealous?"_ I teased, deciding to fuck with him a bit before getting serious. "Not that it matters at all to you, but I do not have a ' _thing_ ' for Barry.. I literally just met him when we saved my life." I defended, using air quotes for 'thing.'

Frustrated, Oliver hit his fist on the wall before he allowed himself to calm down with a few deep breaths, "Don't tell me what does and doesn't matter to me. _You_ matter to me, Y/N."

My eyes filled with tears and the lump growing in my throat started to distract me from keeping my emotions at bay. Why did I always lose control like this when it came to Oliver?

"Then kiss me right now," I demanded, "Tell me you love me, or let me go... and **_stay. away_** **.** from me."

Oliver closed his eyes and permitted a sigh to escape his lips. He let go of my hand and proceeded to walk out of S.T.A.R. Labs.

_'How stupid. I really thought I meant enough to Oliver fucking Queen to give him an ultimatum like that? I am nothing to him.'_


	9. Chapter 9

"Y/N?" A soft voice reached out through my sniffles. I looked up through a film of tears that tainted my vision. Through teary eyes, I saw the blue-eyed speedster standing over me. His eyes were bright and pure, unlike the dark blue ones I was used to from Oliver.

It seemed fitting that Barry had a lighter sparkle in his eyes. "Barry, I am so sorry." I sniffed. I wiped my eyes with my sleeve. It must have been awkward seeing me crying on the floor in an empty hall. "No, don't you apologize for anything."

Barry sat beside me, "Want to talk about it?" He asked. I simply shook my head no then allowed it to go back to resting on my knees.

Barry zoomed away, but then came back in an instant with eight boxes of pizza.

Truth be told, seeing him with eight boxes for two people made me chuckle only slightly.

_Ew, what was that?_

My chuckle had become so foreign to me that I didn't even recognize it came from my body. It was true what they say- Starling City is a much darker place on a good day than Central City ever could be.

"Pizza always makes me feel better, I was hoping it could help you, too. I got every kind they had ready."

I offered a smile before I opened one of the boxes, "Why do I get the feeling you could eat all of these slices in the time I could eat one?"

Barry settled down beside me and picked up one slice, "Well, I guess that depends on how big of a head start I give you."

_Cute._

For a minute or so, the two of us just eat our slices in silence until Barry interrupted, "I know you said you don't want to talk about it, but if you decide you do, you don't have to ask- just tell me, okay?"

I nodded with a smile, then put down the crust to my second slice, "I am overly stuffed; what are we supposed to do with the rest of the piz-"

Before I could finish the rest of the sentence, Barry ate the rest.

"-za."

I blinked a few times, "Welp... I guess that answers my question!"

"Come on!" Barry cheered. He stood up and offered a hand to me. I took it happily and let him lift me up. "Where are we going?" I asked.

"I heard you haven't had the best coffee in the country."

With that, Barry took me to C.C. Jitters, the local coffee shop, booming with life at that time of the day. Barry pulled out a chair stool for me to sit in, then took his place across from me at the table. "I personally recommend The Flash." Barry joked after he was forced to patiently watch me browse the menu. "Oh is that so?" I chirped in response. "I do prefer my coffee to be black, though. Nothing too fancy." I admitted.

"Sounds like everyone in Starling City would rather have their coffee black... Are you guys okay?" Barry smiled wide, not looking for an answer to his question.

Neither did he get an answer.

"I'll try this 'Flash' drink, then." I announced when I saw the waitress approach our table. "We... might have to work on your manners." Barry whispered after he leaned across the table so no one else heard.

Oh... right. Central City is obsessed with going out of your way to be a kiss-ass.

He sat back in his seat again, "This is Iris, she is.. we just call her my sister. Her father raised me."

I offered Iris a small smile, of which she returned seven times fold, "So nice to meet you, Barry's _friend!_ " Iris sand. Her words lingered slightly in a teasing tone because, by the looks of it, Barry had a date.

Wait, was this a date?

I didn't want a date.

"Oh, and this is Y/N." Barry concluded.

"Can I uh, can I have a Flash drink?" I cautiously asked, looking to Barry for approval before adding a hesitant, "please?"

"Great choice! And one usual for Barry." Iris scribbled on her notepad then hopped off to fetch the drinks.

"So,.. sister?" I asked; I tilted my head thinking about the odd way she was introduced to me. She didn't seem like a sister, she seemed like he wanted her to be something a little more close than family. The way he lingered on her words when she spoke was the first sign. Who could blame him? She is gorgeous...

I heard Barry sigh, "When I was eleven, my mother was murdered..."

Well **shit!** That was quite the bomb drop!

"They never caught the man who did it, but they think they did. My dad is in prison for her murder," He paused and looked me in the eyes, "He didn't do it, Y/N... But since they didn't believe me, I was sent to live with Iris and her father, Joe- a detective here in Central City. In fact, he's the one who sent my-"

His voice trailed off as Iris brought the drinks over to us; she leaned her beautifully browned arms on the table, "So, Y/N, where are you from?"

"Starling City." I respond flatly, reaching for my mug. "Oh, wow. I love Starling City. The nightlife, The Arrow, and ugh, _Oliver Queen_!"

I choked on my coffee a little, not expecting to have to hear his name- both of his names- so soon. Barry took note of how uncomfortable it seemed to have made me and covered for me, "She, uh, Y/N is a bartender. Remember my friend, Felicity? This is her sister. She used to work at S.T.A.R. Labs before the... incident."

Iris' smile was warm and comforting, "Well, welcome back Miss Smoak, I trust Barry is showing you all the sights of Central City."

"Mmhmn.." I purred through pressed lips.

I immediately scolded myself in my private thoughts _, 'Shit. No, now you sound like Oli! Stop that!'_

"I will leave you two alone to your coffee and each other's company, but I think you should absolutely come back tonight for trivia night! Me and Eddie will be there." She placed a flyer in front of me with the information on it then walked away to take care of other orders.

"I am soooo sorry about her, after I woke up from my coma, she freaks out if I'm within three feet of a girl." Barry explained, clearly embarrassed.

"You're embarrassed." I commented, "It's cute."

That last part accidentally slipped out of my mouth and now _I was_ the embarrassed one.

I bury my face behind my mug, avoiding eye contact.

 _'This is nice.'_ I thought _._

_'My butterflies, for once, feel like I don't have to explain to anyone nor myself why I'm having them. I don't have to feel guilty for the way I feel.'_

I decided to change the subject, "Trivia night, huh?" I held the flyer sturdy in my hands.

"Yeah, we don't have to..."

Barry then started tripping over his words, "... Unless of course you want to... I mean,... I want to.... if you want to..... Trivia night, I mean."

I laughed audibly, then forced my hand to cover over my mouth to cease the noise. Barry took notice of how quickly I did so, "Are you okay, Y/N? Like, I know you're okay in this very moment.. Like, you're having fun. But are _you_ okay?"

_'Am I okay?'_

"I will be."


	10. Chapter 10

-Russia -3 years ago-

I was standing outside of the main training room, watching Vitka and Nyssa fight from behind a two-way mirror. Echo was standing beside me, watching his beloved practice. Curiosity struck me, "How do you do it? You and Vitka..."

"We... don't."

I was confused; I knew the two of them were lovers, but why was Echo dodging the question? "I'm sorry... did something happen?"

"No. Nothing happened... and nothing ever can." Echo could tell I was confused. "Look, Y/N, the business we are in does not allow for us to have loved ones. A few days we will see the glimpse of a normal life; we will feel as though we can have the ones that we want."

He turned his attention from Vitka, to me. "It is important to remember that these are but only an oasis in a lifetime of the desert. You may enjoy it, but do not expect it to last."

I remember his words, but I also remember not being phased by them. At that point of my life, I had no one that I loved or even wanted to be closer with.

Even to this day, Echo's words ironically echoed in my mind.

"I don't know... you and Vitka seem very happy together." I commented. Echo's Australian accent showed its face through his amused chuckles. "If we were happy we would be husband and wife, not so called lovers."

I couldn't argue with him, even I would call them 'the lovers.'

"Come, we have much to accomplish today. Vitka and Nyssa will be meeting us at the rally point."

-End of Flashback-

-

**'Felicity: How are you feeling?'**

I read the words across my phone screen while fixing my hair for trivia night. Fortunately, Barry brought a bunch of my clothes from home to Central City while I stayed here.

**'Me: Not like I have the urge to lift a car, so that's good.. haha'**

**'Felicity: I'll tell the team. How long will you be in CC?'**

**'Me: I'm not sure... How are you? How is everyone?'**

**'Felicity: I'm fine. But by "everyone" did you mean just Oli?"**

I forced a gulp to rid me of the lump her text formed in my throat. I forgot I had admitted to Felicity what happened that other night.

 _'I'll just text her back later._..'

I tossed my phone onto the Airbnb room's bed. Just when I got up to leave, Barry sped through the front door.

I greeted him in a teasing tone, "Are you stalking me, Mr. Allen?"

"If I was, you wouldn't see me!"

His face instantly turned red in embarrassment. "That came out a lot less clever than it was in my head."

"For the fastest man alive, you aren't too quick witted." I giggled, then wrapped my arm in his in a friendly way, "Let's go."

I caught Barry while he was staring at me.

"Is something wrong?" I asked, adjusting any wrinkles or stray hairs on my navy blue dress. "No, no..." Barry gently held my hands in his, "You're perfect." His words forced my cheeks to blush, which in return sent me running from the confrontation, "Let's go?"

Barry let go of one hand, followed hesitantly by the other. ' _I guess 9 months in a coma puts you out of practice as much as 5 years on an island does._ ' I thought,

' _Dammit,_ _Y/N_ _, put it out of your mind. He didn't choose you. He chose to leave Central City... without you_.'

Barry held open the door to Jitters for me to enter. The place was packed, but my eye caught Iris and a man that I could only reasonably assume was Eddie. It looked like they were saving a table of four.

"Wow, you look gorgeous!" Iris chirped when Barry and I walked over, "Barry, isn't she gorgeous?"

' _She's not a pusher at alllll_...'

"Yes." Barry said, holding his breath slightly, "She is."

My gaze left Barry when the man with Iris cut in the awkward tension, "Hi, I'm Eddie. Eddie Thawne."

"Nice to meet you." I shook his outstretched hand. "Y/N is visiting Barry all the way from Starling City." Iris told Eddie.

"Well, she's not actually here to-" Barry started to defend the fact that I came all this way just to visit him. I cut him off, however; I realized that the truth would be a lot harder for them to digest than just going along with the flow. "Yeah, I'm in town for a business trip and Barry is a family friend."

I exchanged glances with Barry to make sure we were both on the same page. "I thought you were a bartender." Iris asked. I nodded gently, keeping my composure. "I do bartending on the side for some extra cash."

"What else do you do there?" Eddie asked.

"I work for Queen Consolidated as a physicist."

Iris lit up, "Do you know Oliver Queen?" She asked. Eddie rolled his eyes so I didn't have to do it, "I sure do."

Two hours later, our team lost the trivia game; it seemed like Barry and I were the only two with a brain at the table. Barry's phone rang, "Excuse me for a moment, please."

Iris and Eddie both stared at me the moment Barry left. "So, do you have a boyfriend? Fiancé? Husband? ...Girlfriend?"

Her words made me nearly choke on my drink again, "What? No..." my mind flashed to the night I shared with Oliver, but then to him telling me the very next day it was a mistake, "There is no one."

"I'm so sorry. That was work, I have to go..." Barry announced while returning to the table. "Can I take you home, Y/N?"

His question was clearly for Iris and Eddie's benefit, since I was pretty certain 'work' meant something else involved accelerated speeds. I nodded, then gathered my phone and purse, "It was nice to meet you both."

Barry and I made it back to S.T.A.R. Labs. "I am so sorry about all of that... I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable in any way or-"

I stopped him in his thought, "Barry, don't worry about it. I had a lot of fun tonight... with you."

His face was closer than before, and the butterflies in my stomach all told me that his lips were about to get a lot closer- but then they didn't.

"Ah, Y/N Smoak."

I turned my body away from Barry to see my former boss enter the room in a wheelchair. I had heard about his injury due to the accident, but it was still an odd sight. "Oh my God... Dr. Wells. It is so great to see you again!" I met him halfway so I could distance myself from Barry.

To be honest, things with Barry were moving way too fast. I didnt have the chance to figure out if this was a rebound or what on earth it was.

"It is nice to see you, too. A lot has happened since you left." Wells lead me to the same infirmary room where I woke up, "We would like to run a few more tests on you, if that would be alright with you."

"Yes, of course." I agreed. I sat on the bed to be met by Caitlin and Cisco. They drew some blood same and proceeded to leave to run a few samples.

I was then left alone in solitude with my thoughts... a pretty dangerous scenario if you asked me. 

I thought about having so much fun with Barry at trivia night that night, but then my mind wandered back to Oliver- Always back to Oliver.

Why?

This night was the most fun I could recall having in a very long while. Not just galas, or partying at the Verdant, but actual lighthearted and pure fun; I owed it all to Barry.

Clearly, he liked me... and I clearly liked him. So what was stopping the both of us?

"The Arrow," Dr. Wells spoke in such perfect line with my thoughts, that I had to wonder if they were thoughts at all. "Pardon?"

"You clearly work with the man in the hood; you are... let's just say you're different than the Malia I remembered."

I gulped, knowing that conversations that started like that usually end up with an interrogation. "Dr. Wells, I can't tell y-"

He held up one hand, "Don't worry, I am not asking what you think I am." He placed a large briefcase on the table across from my bed. "He has trained you, hasn't he? I want to see what you can do. I want to see you get better, possibly even help us."

My mind hopped to the very few memories I had of Oliver actually telling me a few of his archery secrets. Mixed in, I thought mostly about my six years of training in the League. I was highly skilled in close combat as well as almost any weapon, including the bow. However, no one could be allowed to know that. "He's showed me a few tricks, but I am by no means even half the fighter than he is." I told him.

"Regardless, if you are staying here for a while, we could really use the extra hand. Barry needs to be focused on improving his speed; it would be much easier if he didn't have to run off to every purse being snatched from an old lady."

I tried to digest his words on the spot, which he noticed, "Just... think about it. If you open this briefcase, I know that you accept. If not, then that is also fine and you will be back in Starling City tomorrow."

Wells left the room and my thoughts to myself.

' _Too much to think about right now...'_

I decided to sleep on my decisions.


	11. Chapter 11

I woke up to Barry sitting in the chair that was beside me. "Oh, hey Y/N... I hope you don't mind; I got here a bit early and thought you would be awake."

I sat up and slowly stretched. Falling asleep in the infirmary instead of the guest bed was probably my first mistake the night before, "No, it's okay. I'm awake now... I enjoy your company."

Me and Barry smiled at one another for a brief moment before he spoke, "So, I heard you decide today if you're going back to Starling City?" He fidgeted with the end of the bedsheet while he asked the question. "Yeah... Wells said you guys could use another hand in the crime fighting business- gave me that briefcase." I gestured to the hard black case perched on the table closest to the door.

Barry glanced at the briefcase, "What is in it?"

I shrugged, "No idea... I haven't decided if I'm staying or not."

"Well," Barry began. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably, "You were treated by a serum that wasn't even tested before being used on you... You could have side effects. I want you to stay, I... I mean _we_ want for you to stay and make sure you are in top condition before sending you back."

Tripping over his words made me smile involuntarily, "Well, if it's for the best of the team and myself, then I guess I should op-"

Barry speed-grabbed me and placed me in front of the case,

"-en it."

I had to blink a few times to get a grip on my new reality. Being in the bed one second and then in a completely new spot within a half-second was not a familiar event. "I am still not used to that."

I clicked open the latches from the briefcase to reveal a custom made compound bow and arrows to go along with it. It had a completely black theme with only a slight green accent on the bow and arrows to represent my connection to the Arrow.

"Wow..." I exhaled in awe, "It's... perfect." I picked the bow up delicately, then gathered the arrows into the quiver. _'It's been so long since I've held one of these...'_

"Great. You aren't going to shoot me in the back with arrows, too, are you?" Barry groaned. I gripped the bow and offered and innocent smile, "We'll see." I headed straight for target room.

"Wait," I heard Barry say from behind me, still in the room I left him, "That was a joke, right?"

"Y/N....?"

I smirked to myself and kept walking. ' _He's so cute.'_

I could sense Barry was watching me practice from the doorway, so I purposely missed the first target. "Oli only showed me the very basics of archery; it is now up to me to simply train the techniques I've already been taught." It was an absolute lie- the League trained me, and they trained me a whole hell of a lot better than that.

Barry walked in from behind me after I spoke to him, "Wow, you are Smoak-in hot. Haha! Get it?" Barry wailed, dying in a fit of laughter at his own joke.

I turned to raise an eyebrow at his corny ass joke. His face turned as red as his suit when he saw the expression on my face. "Sorry... Uh... Hey, want to shoot a moving target?" He asked. "Um, how am I expected to hit the _fastest man alive._ "

"Oh, come on! Just give it a shot." Barry begged, then speed-changed into his suit. "Fine. But don't expect it to be very hard for you."

Barry began to zip around the room with a fit of lightning trailing behind him as if it were trying to keep up with him. I aimed an arrow, then released it.

I, of course, missed.

The sight was unbelievable. Sometimes it was easy to forget who Barry really was when he didn't have a suit and mask on; it was a luxury I didn't have with Oliver.

I tried as hard as I could, even forgetting about pretending I couldn't shoot. Was I even aiming in the right direction!?

I shot my last arrow and, in an instant, Barry was standing no more than a breath away from me, holding the last arrow in his fist directly in front of his wide smirk, "You almost had me that time." He teased.

"Liar." I quietly responded, holding my breath gently at his close proximity. Barry hesitated for a moment, but then released the arrow to the floor and closed the gap between the two of us, pressing his lips softly onto mine. Like I would have expected, his kisses are more delicate and loving than-

Mmm.

I got lost in my thoughts, which allowed me to lean in further to the kiss. I held my bow in both hands, making it the only thing occupying the space between my body and his. Barry gently broke away from the kiss and fluttered his blue eyes open, "Sorry... I couldn't help myself." He removed his mask and let it fall back behind him like a hood.

I let go of air I didn't know I was holding, "Don't mention it..."

I don't know if it was the hood and suit, those blue eyes, or even the kiss itself, but I wanted _more..._

I gently tossed my bow to the floor and wrapped my arms around his neck, ' _just one more kiss_.' Barry rested his hands on my waist and pulled me closer. I easily allowed my fingers to run up the back of his head through his hair when I accepted his tongue to join the kiss.

A few more kisses later, I was completely pressed against his body, filling every cavity with one another. Just as things started to get good, I felt Barry's entire body vibrate unnaturally for an instant, forcing me to pull away. "What was that?"

Barry's face turned bright red; he ran his fingers through his hair to calm himself down, "I'm so sorry... sometimes I can't control my speed when my heart rate gets high enough. I haven't really learned to control it yet..."

"I think I'll take that as a complement, actually." I responded. I picked my bow up again and gathered the arrows. It was for the best, honestly. I mean... How far was I expecting it to go, anyway?

I was rushing into things way too fast. I didn't want for Barry to be some type of rebound to a relationship that was never even real. I felt bad for how quickly I fell for Barry, but maybe that was because I associated my feelings I had for Oliver onto him. Was I seeing Barry for who he is, or was I seeing glimpses of Oliver in another man? 

Barry left me alone to practice, which was completely fine by me; I wanted to test what that bow was really capable of.

I grabbed a handful of tennis balls and, once I was certain Barry had left, I threw them towards the wall. Quickly, I sent arrows through the center of each tennis ball and pinned them against the wall in different locations. I smiled wide to myself when I accomplished my test, "Like riding a bike." I whispered to the bow.


	12. Chapter 12

-Ukraine -7 years ago-

I was so cold.... but was if it was from the temperature of the basement or from lack of blood in my body?

I remember it clearly... I was barely over legal age. I didn't know where I was and, at the time, I had no idea I was in a different country.

There were these men there that hardly spoke English, which made it all the harder to figure out why they were torturing me or why they had captured me. From what I gathered, they were asking questions about my Father, who was supposedly a dangerous hacker who pissed them off in some way.

Even when I was being carved with a knife or being electrocuted by them, I never breathed a single word to them. Whatever they wanted with my family, I was determined not to give it to them.

One man I hadn't seen before then entered the room holding a small box in his hands. His Ukrainian accent mixed devilishly with his poor English grammar in a disturbing way, "I have Christmas present." 

He plopped the box in front of me, just out of reach from my feet if I even had energy to try messing with it. The box had a 10 minute timer on it, already starting to count down.

"Deal is simple- tell us what we want to know, and you can go. But tell us nothing, and you go boom."

"Ring when you decide to make the right choice. Oh, and Merry Christmas." With a chuckle, he attached small bell to your chain and then left the room.

I don't know how much time had passed, but I knew by the 5th minute I had accepted my fate. There was no guarantee they wouldn't kill me regardless, so be dammed if I would tell them any information.

This was the first time I met Vitka...

She had the longest black hair, pulled tightly into a ponytail to fit underneath of her leather hood. A scimitar was wielded in her possession with blood dripping off of the otherwise reflective metal.

I could see her through fuzzy vision, shivering as I hung half-alive from the chains. Her voice had an accent other than the Ukrainian ones who were torturing me... Something told me that she was not here to add my blood to her collection. "очень милая девушка" Those were the words she sighed before getting my down from the chains. "We are here to help you, Y/N."

I had no time and even less energy to wonder why this woman knew my name, or why she went through so much trouble to rescue me... or what she meant by 'we' when there was only her.

"You are a very sweet girl, let's go."

-End of Flashback-

-

The smell of coffee and breaded pastries filled the air and my senses. CC Jitters was slammed pack busy that morning. Regardless of how busy it was, everyone I saw had wide smiles on their faces.

Except for me.

 _'I'm so out of place in this city... What is wrong with me?'_ I silently asked myself.

The television in the corner of CC Jotters caught my attention with news coverage about Arrow in Starling City. I watched closely to get an update on how he was doing without having to ask myself. It was nice to see him doing well.

"Can I ask you something?" Barry's words snapped me back into my current reality. I looked back in front of me to see the scarlet speedster sitting across from me, "Hmm? Oh! Yeah, of course."

"Oliver...." He paused to take in the way I flinched uncomfortably at his words, "You don't talk about him much... At all, actually. You close up when anyone so much as breathes his name..."

I took a sip of my hot coffee to avoid eye contact while he rambled. I cleared my throat before I responded, "That wasn't a question..."

He sighed, "Look, I have a bunch of questions and I'm starting to think we've known each other long enough now that I should know more about the girl I'm secretly dating than her job occupation."

I swirled the spoon around in my latte, "I don't want to talk about Oliver right now..."

Barry shrugged as if he expected me to say that, "Then how about your scars?"

_Wait, what?_

My eyes snapped their attention quickly to Barry. How did he know about those?

"A few times before, when we were kissing, I could feel them under your shirt... Sometimes I can see a few when you train, depending on if your shirt slides up some... Oliver had scars just like them." His words were soft in an attempt to not scare me away.

"Um... I just realized that I have to go-"

Barry cut me off, "No... Y/N, you have to open up to me if you think there is any chance of me and you working out."

I sighed... I knew he was right. I had to at least try opening up to him; it isn't like he had to know the _whole_ truth, right?

"Um... the reason that I have those scars is the reason I moved to Central City and got the job at S.T.A.R. Labs to begin with-"

Ugh.... This was really about to be a conversation?

"I wasn't in quite the situation as Oliver, but I was kidnapped and had to survive for 6 years finding a way back home... The men who took me tortured me for information about my father that I didn't even have." My words were pretty flat; it was hard to get emotional over a memory that wasn't even entirely true.

Yes, i was kidnapped and tortured. But no, I wasn't trying to get home for 6 years. I decide to share one truth, "The reason I moved to Central City is so no one back in Starling would ask me a thousand questions about where I've been or what happened... So I would appreciate it if you could stop asking me to tell you."

Barry stared at me in either shock or horror. Wait, no... it was both. "Y/N... I am so sorry."

I nodded slowly without eye contact, "Please, I don't want any sympathy. Did you have any more questions for me?"

Barry tried to shake off the awkwardness surrounding his last question since he knew this was a rare case where I would actually give him some answers. "Um, I wanted to ask about Oliver." I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, "What about him?"

"Well, the day we first met... The last person I saw you with was Oliver before I found you crying in that hall." He explained.

"Barry...-" I groaned.

I didn't want to talk about a situation I didn't even have a handle on in the first place. "Y/N, please... I have to know what happened between the two of you."

With a quick check of my surroundings, I tried finding a place to start, "I don't know exactly how to say this, so I'm just going to be as blunt as possible with it... Me and Oliver had sex one night, but then the next day he said it was a mistake and pretended it never happened.... It was the day before I came back here from being injected with Mirakuru. I told Oliver to admit his feelings for me or leave Central City, so he left; that's why I was crying when you found me."

Oof, saying it out loud sounded even worse than when I played it out in my head. "Honestly, that makes everything so much clearer now," Barry told me. I tilted my head curiously, "What?"

"Forgive me if I'm wrong... But you're scared to open up to me because of him, Y/N. You want to keep us at arms length to avoid either a rebound, or getting hurt again." He reached across the table and grabbed my hands in his gently, then looked me in the eyes. "You are the best decision I've ever made; I would never call you a mistake."

His words made me smile back at him, but he continued to talk, "Let's make this official..?" Barry spoke as if it were a statement, but his subtle inflection proved that it was a question.

_'Official? Like everyone would know me and Barry Allen are exclusively dating? ....No more hiding and no more secrets? Well, at least about me and him?'_

I took a moment to think, but then quickly threw it out the window, who needed overthinking anymore? In that moment, I was happy! I had to act on it.

"Let's do it."


	13. Chapter 13

The past month was wonderful. Everyone was very welcoming about me and Barry becoming official. Well, almost everybody.... Dr.Wells was the only person who didn't support the relationship; sometimes it felt like we were still keeping the secret from him.

I was now on my way to attend Barry's Christmas dinner that he threw every year with family and friends at Joe's house. It was weird celebrating Christmas again... I never celebrated since before I was taken.

Me and Barry have been pretty casual with our new relationship; occasionally we would kiss and even make out, but mostly we went out on dates and just had fun together.

No, that wasn't a complaint; I wanted to take things slowly.

I knocked on the door to be greeted by Joe, Barry's stand-in father. "Y/N!"

Barry immediately snapped his focus to the door when he heard my name.

"I am so glad you could make it." Joe welcomed. "Of course."

I took the only available seat, which was across from Barry and beside Caitlin. Luckily, I knew her so it wasn't all that uncomfortable. Iris walked in the room and noticed me, "Y/N! You made it!" Iris cheered.

And then I noticed it again- the same thing I noticed the day I met Barry.... the way he looked at Iris when she entered the room and how he would linger on her words when she spoke.

I know that he couldn't help it, but I equally couldn't help but feel a knot of jealousy turn in my stomach. I noticed it before, but it never really bothered me until that day. Regardless, she was with Eddie.... ' _Nothing to worry about_.' I hoped.

Attending to that party actually turned out to be a great idea since I finally had the opportunity to catch up with everyone from over the past month, and even longer for some of them. "Did anyone save room for dessert?" Joe asked loudly from the kitchen after everyone ate his delicious dinner. Joe walked into view holding a peach cobbler. "I did!" Barry cheered, rushing over to help carry the dish.

"Not me. I am stuffed!" Caitlin threw her hands up. Just as Barry sat the dish down, Joe got a call on his pager from the police station, as did Eddie. "I hate to cut the evening short, but duty calls." Joe announced. Everyone in the room, except Iris, sprung up to our feet at exactly the same time. "Yeah, I should probably see if they'll need... forensics." Barry fibbed, being the first one who left the house after Joe and Eddie. "We should probably get going, too." Caitlin said in an apologetic tone; she took me and Cisco to the car.

"So what is it?" I asked curiously when we got in the car. "Sounded like an armed bank robbery to me." Cisco informed me.

All three of us arrived at S.T.A.R. Labs; I decided to practice while the team did their thing. Honestly, I made sure to spend most of my wake hours in that room every day for that past month. I figured if I kept up my strength and shot targets, I would be able to justify my skills eventually.

Barry zipped into the room after almost 10 minutes. Startled, I jumped and completely missed my shot; this sent Barry into a whirl of laughter. "Can I help you?" I giggled. I gently laid my bow to rest on the table, then ripped the Velcro from my gloves and arm guard.

"Mmm... I don't know. I'm feeling pretty unstoppable after that bank robbery call." He boasted. He took off his mask as he walked over to me.

It wasn't fair how attractive he was in that suit. "Is that so, Flash?" I teased, leaning against the table with my body faced to him.

Barry returned the smirk on my face and removed his gloves one by one, "It sure is, Miss Smoak." He stood in close range to my body, looking down at me from the height difference.

I was tired of taking this slow. Tired of pretending we didnt both crave this.

His lips were so close, but felt so agonizingly far from mine. "If you're so unstoppable, then what's stopping you right now, Fla-" He cut off my last words when he slammed his lips hungrily against mine, taking little to no time for either one of us to breathe.

Things were moving fast, but I didn't have any objections to it. Usually, it didn't get too far past this. Barry easily removed my sweater, and it made me wonder how on earth he was planning to take his suit off.

He lifted me by my hips and placed me on the table with my legs wrapped around him. He allowed his lips to trail down my neck to give me time to breathe. I hated that he could see my scars, but I reminded myself that he was focused on something else right then.

Per usual, Barry's body vibrated again, forcing him to pull away. ' _At least we got further this time, right?'_

He slammed his fist on the table with a "Dammit!" And frustratedly paced back and forth. "Hey, hey.... Barry." I held out a hand for him to come back. "You can push through it. If I'm being honest, it feels nice when you do it." I assured.

Barry took a deep breath then came back to his previous position standing between my legs. "Maybe we should slow it down a bit..." Barry whispered before he gently pressed his lips back onto mine.

His hands trailed behind me to unhook my bra. ' _Yeah, he's not going to slow down_.'

I could feel my body being pulled closer to his until I felt my pelvis meets his. Barry's body vibrated once more, but he only hesitated that time instead of pulling away. "I hate to spoil it, but I have no idea how to get this off of you." I said against his lips. I tugged helplessly on his suit emblem.

A voice joined the conversation, "And I hate to spoil it for the both of you, but I am going to do it anyway."

The two of us quickly pulled away and Barry helped by speed-dressing everything he removed from me. "Dr. Wells!" I squeaked while I slid off the table.

"Allen, could I speak to you for a moment?" Wells more or less asked, rolling towards the exit. I offered a sympathetic look before Barry reluctantly followed.

Minutes later, Barry returned. "How bad was it this time?" I asked. He sighed and placed both of my hands in his hands, "Oh, you know... You're a distraction and I should be focused on getting my speed up."

"So... What are we going to do?" I asked shyly. "I don't know what to tell him, Y/N... He hasn't been able to stop us before so why does he think this time is any different?" Barry used my hands to pull me closer for a hug. He placed his chin on top of my head, "Shouldn't it be enough that we're happy?" He asked.

_'Happy.... Am I truly happy or is this, as Echo said, just a glimpse of an oasis in the desert?'_

I nodded in approval anyways and grabbed my bow after releasing from his embrace, "I guess I'll get back to it. I'll see you later, Barry."


	14. Chapter 14

Sigh.

_'Is it wrong if I'm wondering what Oliver is doing right now? If he's okay? Does he even miss me being there?'_

Speaking of Oliver... I realized I never responded to my sister,

**'Me: Hey, sorry. I got a bit caught up.**

The response was almost instant,

**'Felicity: That was a month ago... You are a worse liar than Oliver.'**

**'Me: Oh hush haha. How is he?'**

**'Felicity: Not the best, honestly... Slade is getting to him more than we expected. He's always two steps ahead and he's constantly in Oli's head.**

**'Felicity: I don't know if you saw the news... Slade killed Moira.'**

I stared at the screen, trying to digest what I had just read. Moira- Oliver's mother....

I dropped my phone on the table and covered my mouth, tears instantly falling from my eyes. "What kind of maniac would do-" I said to myself out loud, causing me to break down more. Barry casually walked into the room, "I thought I would fine you h-"

He stopped dead in his tracks, "Y/N? What happened?"

I looked up at him with blurred vision, "Nothing. I'm fine." I cried, being completely used to saying those three same words every time someone asked 'what's wrong?'

Barry raced over and pulled me in for a hug. "Shh... It's going to be okay." Naturally, I wrapped my arms around him.

"Who is Moira?" Barry asked; he must have seen it on my phone. It was at that moment I realized there was absolutely no point in lying to Barry since he was the only one who knew about Oliver's secret. "Oli's mother..." I whimper, surprised I could even manage those two words. "Y/N, I am so sorry..."

"I didn't really know her." I muttered just moments before I wiped my tears.

"Here," Barry helped me up and grabbed my bag, "Let's get you out of here."

We walked quite a ways down the city streets. "It's not even that I really knew her... because I didn't." I thought I would try to explain why I was upset, "It's the fact that I wasn't there for my friend during it." Barry didn't respond, he only listened. Boy, was he a great listener.

I noticed the we were passing Barry's loft, so I eyed it and decided that I wanted to relax, "Hey, do you think maybe we could..."

I didn't even have to finish my sentence before Barry saw me looking up to his loft building. "Absolutely, anything you want."

The two of us made our way to the top floor where Barry's loft was. I had been there several times before, but never to stay for longer than picking something up for him.

Barry started the fireplace then sat on the sofa, holing his arms out to me asking to join him in so many words. I accepted, of course, and cuddled up to him on his lap.

For a moment I watched the fire and let the heat from it give color to my face. "Barry..." I quietly said. I tried not to be too loud, it was barely even a whisper, but he heard me anyway. "Hmm?" He coo'd, still holding me close to him. "Am I selfish that I should be mourning, but all I can think of is kissing you?" I asked.

"Y/N, there isn't a selfish bone in your body." He confirmed, lifting my chin to his with one hand. I let him press his lips against mine, just as I wanted.

Making out was different that time, although it was just as pleasant as always. It wasn't the kisses or where we were, but the fact that his body hadn't vibrated from moving too fast... yet.... Maybe he was more comfortable in his loft.

We helped one another take our clothes off until we had absolutely nothing on. Barry was laying underneath of me and enjoyed kissing down my neck with gentle bites mixed in. "Wait, this has to be done right." Barry said, lifting me up as he stood from the sofa; he carried me to his bedroom while returning his lips to a familiar place on mine.

_'This is the furthest we've ever gotten and I hope it never ends...'_

He laid me back on the bed and crawled on top of me. It was only when I felt him slide into me that his body vibrated for just an instant. The vibration made me moan out loud, which seemed to please Barry.

Barry was.... _different_ \- but only in the best way possible. He was gentle, loving, passionate. Oh, and that vibrate thing? I hope to God he _never_ gets that under control.

Looking back, it was hard to determine why we waited so long for a moment like that one. What was I so afraid of?

Barry's speed-healing kept him from having to catch his breath; it was a luxury that I didn't have, unfortunately.

I cuddled up to Barry underneath of the comforter and traced the lines of his abs and the V line next to them. Barry sighed and squeezed my body closer to his, "I love you, Y/N."

My hand froze from tracing lines on his body and my stomach quickly tied fifty double knots tangled up in one another. ' _Barry, no.... why on earth would he say something like that right now and ruin this perfect moment?'_

I discretely cleared my throat and returned to tracing lines in hopes to keep a tranquil atmosphere, "Oh.. I... You do?" I asked. I kept my head rested on his bare chest so he could see my face. He replied in confidence, "I do."


	15. Chapter 15

-Starling City -Earlier this year-

I was closing for the first time at my new job in Starling City. Oliver had offered me a position at his company in the physics department, but I honestly just wanted to run away from my profession after what happened the previous year with the explosion. Oliver was a new friend at the time, I had met him through Felicity shortly after arriving in the city.

Per usual, I was met by someone on the open top roof where the bar is. This time, it wasn't a scare. I can recall her wavy black hair blowing gently behind her as she sat on the edge of the building. "Nyssa?"

I slowly walked to her, unsure if I could believe who I was seeing. Upon closer inspection, I confirmed it was Nyssa.

"What are you doing here?" My voice was curious. I took a seat beside my old friend. "Sometimes... you have to come back to the place it all makes sense when nothing else does."

Her words didn't give me any context, but I could understand what she was trying to say. "So.. Starling City?" I asked. I knew Nyssa wouldn't tell me what was going on to make her come back, but maybe she would tell me why she picked Starling?

Her answer was simple, "They say home is where the heart is."

I nodded slowly, being sure to keep my tone of voice soft and comforting, "Sara..."

She only nodded in response.

"Listen... Nyssa, if there is anything at all I can do to help-" I began. Without hesitation, Nyssa grabbed a bag from her left, "I was hoping you would say that- here."

I opened the bag that was given to me, not being surprised to see it contained my old face guard as well as the full red and black hooded suit that belonged to me when I was in the League of Assassins. "Nyssa... your father released me from the League. Going back would make it impossible to be released again."

I hoped she would understand how close to impossible it was that her father allowed me to leave the pact. "You wanted to do something to change the world, Y/N... so you went to Central City where everything is just... _perfect_. Yes?"

My lack of response and peaked interest allowed Nyssa to continue, "It didn't work out. Now, you have run away to this city; I can tell you are not happy here."

Nyssa looked beside her to meet my eyes , "You cannot deny that you loved being with us- being in the League... it is only a matter of time before you run back to where your heart truly belongs."

-End of Flashback-

-

Me and Barry had been taking... well, we've been leaving a bit of space between the two of us lately after I failed to say I loved him when he said it to me the night we finally had sex. The truth was, I still wasn't sure if I was capable of loving someone, or being loved.

' _I know it sounds stupid, but what if the reason I can't give myself to Barry is because I never got closure from Oliver? Everything happened so fast and, let's face it... I don't have expertise in this particular field.... All I know is what my family has taught me.'_

 _'Which is exactly why I am sitting on the rooftop of that very same bar I worked at in Starling City_... _The place I have always belonged,'_ I supposed.

Hours passed and my eyes were still trained on the bustling night life of Starling. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss it there sometimes.

"Y/N?" The electronic voice said from behind me. I didn't turn around instantly, it was only when I convinced myself that the voice wasn't part of my imagination.

"Oliver..."

It was weird seeing him standing on that roof with his Arrow suit fully equipped. It was like meeting a celebrity for the first time and having to remind yourself that they are real.

He pressed his voice changing device off, keeping his distance from me. "What are you doing here so late?" He asked, peeling back his hood so I could see him better. "I..."

I wasn't prepared to answer the one question I knew he'd ask if he ran into me in the city. I slowly stood up from the ledge I was relaxing on when I was spectating the city. "I heard about your mother... I am so sorry..." I quietly said. Oli looked down painfully. "How have you been dealing with everything?" I continued.

Oliver didn't seem like he wanted to talk. Instead, he walked over and took my in his arms for a tight hug. After slight hesitation, I wrapped my arms around him, too.

Everything felt like home for a moment- having Oliver in my arms again. I closed my eyes tight and let his cologne fill my senses.

' _Why did I ever leave?'_

"You can't be here. Go back to Central City and do not return, do you understand me?" Oliver demanded, breaking away the hug.

' _Oh, right. That's why_.'

I sighed, "I was just checking on you, Oliver... Someone has to."

"Well, not you... Now go back to Barry." He demanded, putting his hood back on.

I could almost see the walls flying up between Oliver and his emotions. If I didn't know any better, I would have sworn his voice had a tinge of hurt behind his words.

"Back to Barry?" I questioned. How did he find out about me and him? "Felicity told me... I can't lie to you, Y/N, it's hard seeing you with him."

' _What? Why even say that to me right now? Is this some game?'_

Oliver must have taken in the negative reaction on my face, "I just... It's been a long time since I've seen you and I want you to be happy."

There was an awkward pause and I was rendered speechless.

_'Oh, Oliver.... why couldn't you have said this to me before I left?'_

I kept my thoughts private and prayed that they weren't displayed on my face.

"Oliver... What you did to me wasn't fair."

Woah, where did that come from?

 _'Might as well let it all out now,'_ I mentally shrugged.

Before I spoke again, he had already connected the dots. "I know... And I'm so sorry. It... wasn't a mistake. I thought that I could be me and The Arrow, but I can't. Not then, not now, maybe not ever."

I felt a glimpse of rage light a fire in me, so I stepped closer to him so I could see his eyes under his hood. "Then say never! Stop dangling _maybe's_.... Say it's _never_ going to work out between us. Say you _never_ loved me. Say...-"

"Y/N!" Oliver defensively stepped even closer, "Don't you _ever_ ask me to say that I don't love you..."

We are both left staring at one another from a breath away. His words came over me like a wave of feelings that I had been oppressing for him. I knew he wasn't going to try kissing me- he would never do that to Barry, but I was starting to question my own morals.

_'Why haven't I been able to move on? I came back here to get closure... Now it's just making everything worse.'_

My phone starts vibrating in my back pocket.

_'What if I never get over him?'_

I fished my phone out of my back pocket before I answered with a "Hello?"

"Come back to the lab NOW." Cisco said immediately. "Cisco? What is happening?"

"It's Barry, he's hurt- BAD." He said; it sent my heart plummeting down to my stomach. "I'm on my way."

I clicked the phone to end, then looked up at Oliver with the fear of God in my eyes.

"What's wrong?" He asked, grabbing my arms to keep me from completely freaking out. "It's Barry..." My look fortunately said everything so I didn't have to; Oliver slid his hand off my arms and grabbed one of my hands after he muttered something to Diggle in his earpiece. He pulled me quickly to the edge of the building, "The train is slow. I can take you there faster."

Oli grappled to a neighboring building where there was a helicopter parked elegantly on a helipad. "I'll take you back to S.T.A.R. Labs."

The helicopter ride seemed as long as a day's worth of work, although I knew it was less than an hour to get there. If I wasn't so worried, I would have had much more to say to Oliver during the ride.

When we landed at the lab, I rushed out and into the infirmary room where Cisco, Joe, Wells, and Caitlin were all surrounding Barry. "What happened?" I gasped, seeing Barry unconscious on the bed.

"His name is Captain Cold... He has an extremely dangerous gun that freezes anything it touches to absolute zero." Wells explained.

I shook my head with a whispering voice, "That.... that isn't possible."

"And how possible is Barry?" Joe asked, rubbing his hands over his face from anxiety. "He's going to be okay, Smoak. We were able to remove the impacted object thanks to the suit's design." Wells assured.

"It was a close call..." Cisco sighed. Caitlin nodded, "Too close."

"For now, all we can do is let time do its job." Wells announced before leaving the room. Everyone followed, except for me.

"I guess I showed up a little late for the panic." I told Barry, even though he wasn't exactly awake. "Must be a Smoak thing... talking to myself."

"You know, for a moment... I really thought I could have lost you. Super speed, super fast healing- Sometimes it's hard to believe that you aren't invincible."

I sat on the edge of his bed and examined the cold burns on his suit and skin. "I couldn't admit it to myself before... Let alone admit it to you." I paused, then chuckled. "Even now, it's hard to tell you... I love you, Barry Allen. I'm sorry it took you almost getting killed for me to admit it, but I do."

"I love you, too." Croaked a drained voice. To my astonishment, Barry's eyes fluttered open to see me. "Barry!" I exclaimed, taking his face in my hands. He winced, "Gentle. I'm a little fragile right now."

I pressed my lips against his gently, but for a longer duration than just a quick kiss. "I don't know what I would have done if something happened to you... I'll go tell the others you are awake."

I stood up then turned around to see Arrow standing at a distance.

I didn't owe anything to him, but something told me that seeing me kiss Barry upset him. _Wait! Did he hear me tell Barry that I loved him?_

I walked out of the room towards Oliver, but he quickly left down the hall and disappeared from there.


	16. Chapter 16

After healing completely, Barry got released within the day to go home, where you met up with him.

"How are you feeling?" Barry asked me. I simply smiled in amusement, "Shouldn't that be my question for you? I wasn't the one who was turned into an almost-popsicle."

"I just... I couldn't find you before I went to stop Cold. I wanted to make sure nothing happened." He explained. I thought about how admitting I went to Starling City to spy on Oliver probably wouldn't sound too great right now. "I was in Starling visiting Felicity for the night. I came back as soon as I got the call."

Barry nodded, then got up to pour us both a glass of wine in the kitchen. He joined me on the sofa in front of the fireplace. "To us." He chirped, holding up his glass to yours. "To us?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at how cheesy his toast was.

"Um... I... Shut up."

I giggled at his answer, then clinked my wine glass with his. I had heard his words and I even giggled, but he sounded like he was hiding something....

I took one solid sip of wine before I placed it on the coffee table. "You might not need any, but I should get some sleep before the sun comes back out."

I gave Barry a kiss, then headed to his bedroom. _What could Barry be hiding from me?_

When the morning sun woke me, Barry was already missing from his side of the bed. ' _Funny... To think I have a side of a bed with someone.'_

I got dressed as fast as I could- but I am no speedster. After arriving at S.T.A.R. Labs, I went straight to the training room since it had become somewhat of a home to me.

"Well, hello there my gorgeous girlfriend." Barry purred, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind. I smiled and picked up my bow, "Mm... of how pleased I am to have your arms around me- we agreed no PDA where Dr. Wells can find us."

"Oh, come on!" He groaned, then I saw a light go off in his head, "How abooout...."

Barry sped away then came back in an instant, this time wearing his suit that he knew I loved seeing him in- hood off, of course. He grinned, "Now?"

I responded with a lighthearted laugh, "That doesn't seem fair." My arms wrapped naturally around his neck. Pleased that he has won, Barry gave me the anticipated kiss.

"Should I come back, or-?"

Of course. I would be lying to say I didn't expect the interruption.

"No, Cisco." I giggled, stepping away from Barry and gathering my arrows. Cisco hesitantly strolled over to you and Barry. "Barry... I need to talk to you."

"Sure, what's up?" Barry asked.

I distanced myself from them, but secretly listened in on their conversation.

"It's about yesterday." Cisco told him.

"Star labs built the cold gun."

From the corner of my eye I saw Barry's face completely drop. "What?" He asked.

' _Wait... the cold gun Barry got shot with_?' I asked in my head.

"Dr. Wells, Y/N, and Caitlin had nothing to do with it... I built the gun."

"You did? Why?"

Cisco took a steady breath so he could try to explain it to Barry, who was quickly getting upset. "Because... speed and cold are opposites. Temperature is measured by how quickly the atoms of something are oscillating- the faster they are the hotter it is; when things are cold they're slower on the atomic level. When there's no movement at all its called-"

"Absolute zero." Barry concluded.

"Yeah. I designed a compact cryo engine to achieve absolute zero... I built it to stop you." Cisco admitted.

He quickly defended himself after seeing Barry getting angrier, "I- I didn't know who you were then, Barry... I mean what if you turned out to be some psycho like Martin or Nimbus-"

"But I didn't, did I?!" Barry shouted.

I kept my distance, but now my attention is completely focused on the conversation to monitor how much it escalates.

"Everything we built here was to help people and it _blew up_. Don't you understand that I had to be prepared for the worst?"

"I can understand that. But what I **can't** understand is why you didn't tell me what you did!" Barry's voice was angry, but not explosive. How did he keep his cool like that?

Barry's voice continued, "After all weve been through? I thought you trusted me... I thought we were friends!"

Cisco quietly whimpered, "We are friends-"

Almost instantly after Cisco finished his sentence, Barry responded- almost like he cut Cisco off, "I mean if you could have just _told_ me I could have been prepared but instead _someone died."_

Wait, what?

_'Someone died yesterday because Barry got shot? Is this what he was hiding from me?'_

"And I have to live with that..." Cisco's voice was feint in the back of my mind, but the last words Barry said to him were clear, "No, Cisco... we all do."

Barry attempted to storm out of the room, but Cisco halted him with suddenly agitated words, "I'm not the only one who made a mistake, y'know...."

Barry stopped to entertain his attention for another moment. "How about you and Malia, hmm? There is a reason you haven't had many dates since you were struck by that lightning bolt- Well, besides being in a coma for almost a year. You were _distracted_ last night worried about her... So maybe you should ask who you are really mad at regarding that man's death."

 _'Um, rude?'_ I thought to myself, _'I'm standing right here."_

"Barry, she's going to go back to Starling City eventually. She works with the Arrow and they need her. Do I need to remind you that she's only here to be sure no side effects arise?"

He put his finger up before Barry said anything else, "Sure, you are the _fastest man alive."_ Cisco began with air quotes. "So, yes, it is very possible to see her when she leaves... maybe... but what happens when we need you? How many more lives could die while you're running back from Starling?"

Yikes.

Cisco stormed out past Barry, who just huffed and walked out of the room as well.


	17. Chapter 17

30 minutes? 2 hours?

Honestly, I wasn't sure how much time had passed; all I knew was I did not want to go back in there with Team Flash.

Unfortunately for me, the awkwardness was brought to me.

Wells rolled in with that 'welcome to the principal's office' look plastered on his face. "You know," He took his glasses off and cleaned them with his shirt, "I don't come in here that often. Only when it is absolutely necessary."

 _'Okay?'_ I asked only in my private thoughts.

"Do you know why I am here now, Miss Smoak?" He asked. I shrugged in response, which made Harrison chuckle. After putting his glasses back on, he leaned against his hand while his elbow is perched on the arm of the chair. "Cisco brought up a few concerns. Lucky for me, I know you well enough to know you're a very smart woman."

I attached my bow to its new holder on my back, waiting for him to get on with his point.

"Stay away from Barry Allen."

I tilted my head. Did I hear that right? "If I didn't know any better, I would say you're threatening me, Dr. Wells."

"No, no..." He laughed, "Not a threat- an ultimatum..."

"That is never going to happen. You can't keep us from being happy." I growled.

"You're as stubborn as Oliver Queen." He joked, hopefully only because me and Oli are friends. "You have no idea." I muttered under my breath while watching Wells roll back up the ramp.

Wells held a finger up before leaving, "Oh, and don't think about saying anything about this to Barry."

He turned back around in his chair then headed towards the exit. "What you're doing, it isn't going to work." I promised, but received nothing in reply.

I figured it was best to wait a few minutes before returning to the team. When I did, Wells looked up from his computer.

"Miss Smoak, we were just talking about you." Wells smiled.

_What is he up to?_

"We have all agreed that you are ready to take your bow to the field... show us what you've learned." Barry concluded with a smile.

Cisco lit up, "But first, I made you something." He rushed over to a nearby table and grabbed a small box. "It isn't much, but it will do for now."

The tension between Barry and Cisco was obvious, but it seemed liked throwing me into the field was distracting them.

When he opened the box, a black mask with a hooded jacket was revealed; it had minor green accents just like my bow. "I chose the hood because I know you work with the Arrow... you must be missing your team- figured that may help."

"Cisco..." I delicately picked up the mask and hood. "There's no reason you should have done this."

"Oh come on, making the suits and toys is what I do!"

The computers started to beep; Barry turned his focus, "What is that?"

"Looks like there's a bank robbery in progress at CC National. Uh, 10 suspects. All are armed.... Hostages." Caitlin read off; she looked up, "Looks like you have your first bad guys to stop."

"Suit up!" Barry smirked, pulling his mask over his head.

I got Cisco to hold my bow and quiver so I could slip my jacket and mask on.

I caught a quick glimpse of Wells with one of his devious looks on his face. _What is he doing...?_

"I'll give you a lift." Barry offered, sweeping me off my feet when I gathered my bow back from Cisco.

"Holy shit, I'm never going to get used to that." I laughed when Barry sat me back on my feet across the street from the bank. "Okay, I will take care of the robbers if you can get those hostages to safety."

I nodded, then pulled my hood over my head. _'Is this how Oliver feels when he puts his hood on?'_

_'It's a rush.'_

I snuck easily into the back of the bank with a loaded bow in my hands. To distract the guards who were surrounding the hostages, I shot one arrow to the sprinkler system. Next, I sent an arrow flying towards their wrists to promptly disarm them.

I struck the closest guard with the back of my bow then, after a brief fight, I managed to contain the guards by forcing them to take a safe nap. "That was easy." I said to the nearest hostage before quickly untying them. When I turned to see how Barry was holding out, I stopped dead in my tracks.

_'No, no, no... It can't be!'_

I quickly sent an arrow flying, piercing the robber in the shoulder,

 _"_ Lassiter Broadstraum." I growled, loading another arrow and pointing it at him. He tried to reach his gun, which gave me no other option than to shoot him in the hand. He yelled out in pain, but I calmly loaded another arrow and aimed it at his head only inches away from his skin.

"Cecilia Sparrow! _You_ _killed_ her. I want to know why!" I demanded.

"I... I have no idea what you are talking about. Please, you have to believe me." He cried.

If only I had believed it when criminals shed tears... I shot him in the opposite shoulder than before, "I'm feeling generous.... So I will give you one last chance before your life becomes completely useless to me."

"Y/N!" I heard a panicked Barry shout. In the corner of my eye, I could see lightning disappear from behind him when he arrived. I glanced briefly at him before turning my attention back to Lassiter. "This doesn't concern you, Flash." I growled. I kept my feet planted firmly in their stance.

"Don't do this! You don't have to do this... You aren't a killer. Whatever it is he has done, there are other ways for justice."

I lowed my bow slightly, sounding defeated, "You don't understand, Barry.... He killed my friend... I made her a promise."

"I don't know who you are talking about. I rob _banks._ Sometimes, people are in the wrong place at the wrong time and there are casualties. You have to believe me!" Lassiter pleaded.

_I made Ce a promise... And if there is one thing in this lifetime I won't be doing, it will be breaking that promise._

"Oh, don't worry..." I responded, slowly drawing my bow back to where it was previously. I heard every click of the tightening bowstring, "I believe you."

Barry shouted "No!" right as my fingers slid off the line, sending an arrow straight through Broadstraum's chest.

Barry was too far away, therefore too slow to stop me before it happened. Maybe a part of him didn't believe I would actually do it.

It's funny how little he actually knew about the type of person I could be.

I saw Barry's disbelief from my peripherals, standing, at most, a foot away from me. "I did what I had to." I told him, staring at the lifeless body in front of me.

Cecilia didn't deserve that type of death... But he deserved the one he got.


	18. Chapter 18

"And I have to do what I have to do..." Barry's words were shortly lived. The next thing I knew, I was swept up in lightning and found myself thrown into a pipeline cell.

"Barry!" I yelled, scrambling to my feet and pressing my hands to the glass. "Barry, let me out!"

"I loved you!" He shouted angrily, pointing a finger towards me. "I _trusted_ you!"

My eyes teared up, "Barry, you still can... it was a mistake."

My tears were real, but my apology was a little less than empty. It wasn't a mistake. In fact, I would do it a thousand times again.

This made him angrier, "A mistake!? Pulling back an arrow that is POINTED at a man's chest and letting it go is a mistake?"

"Barry, I...-"

I had _never_ seen Barry so angry before.

"You know what the mistake was? Choosing to take you out for coffee. _That_ was a mistake... Kissing you and telling you I love you, thatwas a mistake! But this? Locking you up for what you have done? This is _not_ a mistake."

I was at a loss of words. It felt as though my life was blowing up in my face. "I love you, Barry... It won't happen again."

He scoffed in return, "You are damn right it won't happen again.... Y/N, you _tortured_ that man. You killed him! He may have been a bad guy, but that doesn't mean he deserved to die!"

"I didn't torture him- That is how you get answers!" I responded, trying my hardest now to get through to him so maybe he will understand.

I never thought I would hear Barry this angry. Honestly, it was pretty scary.

"God! You sound _JUST LIKE HIM!"_ Barry shouted. I could see his face bloodshot red from the anger, the vein running up his forehead poking out prominently.

"What?" I exhaled in confusion.

"I thought this conversation sounded a little familiar to me... _Oliver_." His voice was a little less projecting. "You and him are just alike. Wells was right- you are a _killer...."_ He held up one of my arrows, "Just like the Arrow."

"Barry, I beg you... Let me explain." I pleaded, literally on my knees with my hands folded in each other.

"No... The words of a criminal mean nothing to me." He turned and walked away, clicking the hologram tablet to shut the blaster door.

"Barry!" I cried out in one last attempt to make him listen.

My efforts were all for nothing, for I was left alone in the pipeline cell.

Everything was taken away from me: my bow and arrows, my cell phone, the mask, hoodie, all of it. Just me, my tank top, jeans, shoes, and.... _my shoes_!

I remembered Oliver insisting on the team adding trackers to their shoes just in case any of us were kidnapped and unable to communicate with them.

I turned my back away from the camera in the corner of my cell and slid my boot off. I flipped it over and, to my relief, I saw the small blinking red light after lifting a small hidden compartment in the sole. Carefully, I switched up the distress lever on the tracked, and then replaced it in my shoe.

_'I really hope he gets this...'_


	19. Chapter 19

I didn't know at the time, but _two days_ had passed before my hopes of being saved were completely shattered. But what if Oliver _did_ get the signal? What if he didn't think I was worth saving?

My head was resting back against the cell wall and my knees were to my chest; my hands rested effortlessly on my knees.

"Y'know..." I said out loud for the camera's benefit, but still kept my focus on the door. "I don't know if you're watching this right now, Dr. Wells... But I've figured it out. This was your plan all along, wasn't it?"

The smile that formed on my face was more of an ironic one, "God, you must have been thinking this through from the first moment you saw me and Barry together."

I laughed to myself, "Maybe even before..."

"You gave me that bow. You gave me the space and the means to train. And then you knew,- _you knew_ that Lassiter was at that bank robbery... Which meant you knew I would want answers for Cecilia."

I sniffed to keep the tears at bay. "What's the plan now, Dr. Wells? Hmm? Keep your former physicist in a cell forever that she helped you to create?" I shook your head and spoke more to myself this time, "What else do you know about me?"

Just after I finished my sentence, I heard a loud explosion too close for comfort... Even with the thick metal and bulletproof glass separating me from it, I could tell it was close.

Not too long later, there was another explosion; it was the pipeline door. I was frozen in fear, pressing up closer to the wall behind me as if I could run any further away.

Through the smoke and sparking electricals that had been severed stepped Oliver Queen into sight with full Arrow gear equipped.

I stood to my feet quickly, somewhat surprised he came to rescue me.

Angrily, he slammed his fist into the door release, forcing the glass doors of my cell to fold open while also damaging the tablet. After shooting an arrow in the cell's camera, he ripped his hood off so I could see him better- _he looks_ ** _pissed_**. Oliver walked over and held out a hand for me, "I'm getting you out of here. Let's go."

"What happened, Oli? Where is Barry?" I asked, keeping my hands to myself.

Oliver groaned in response, "They are all alive if that's what you're wondering... Not even a scratch." The answer permitted me to give him my hand; he pulled me with him towards the exit. 

Halfway to the exit, Barry zipped into view and blocked the only way out of the pipeline. Through instinct, Oliver pushed me behind him to protect me with his body. "You don't want to do this, Barry." Oliver promised, standing down with his bow.

"Do what, Oliver? Keep a criminal in a cell?" Barry snarled.

"She is NOT a criminal. You should know that just as well as I do." Oli responded in an equally stand-off tone. "No? She _killed someone_!"

"And what? I haven't? What are you going to do, lock me up too?" Oli asked.

Barry paused for a moment and looked down, probably finding a new path since he knew Oliver was right. "That's not what this is about, is it?" Oli asked. Barry shot him daggers from underneath his eyebrows.

"How did you even figure out where she was, huh?" Barry asked, changing the subject. "I keep up with those I care about. I keep up with my _team_ , I keep up with _you_ , and I _especially_ keep up with her." Oli growled in response.

"How could you say that? You haven't checked up on her _ONCE_ since she got to Central City!" Barry yelled.

Oliver's response was instant and equal in volume, "Because _she chose_ _you_ , Barry!"

The entire room fell silent, except for the electric sparking noises and the feint alarm sounds from the main rooms.

 _'I chose him... what does that mean?'_ I wondered silently.

"Y/N, please wait in the cortex." Barry requested, but never broke eye contact with Oliver.

Hesitantly, I obeyed.


	20. Chapter 20

On my walk, I realized that the only damage Oliver did was necessary to either hide his identity, or get through sealed doors.

I would have spied on their conversation if the room wasn't so far away, or even if Oliver hadn't shot my cell camera... Then again, that would be a complete invasion of privacy... so maybe it was for the best.

After half an hour, Barry walked into the room instead of running. I stood up silently from my seat when I saw him. I waited nervously for him to say something, but he never did. Instead, he wrapped both arms tightly around me in a hug.

_What?_

Regardless of my confusion, I held him tightly in return. Honestly, it was nice to feel contact with his body again after I thought I would be alone forever in a cell. "I'm so sorry..." He whispered.

"You aren't a killer.... I was upset. Sometimes, with the powers I have, I forget that it is ten times easier for me to do things the right way- which is usually the hard way."

"I needed to remember that you have had to watch Team Arrow do things how they do it for a lot longer than you've watched me and my team. To be honest, I haven't been the best teacher."

Barry let go from the hug, but allowed his hands to run down my arms and took my hands in his, "I love you, Y/N... Could we maybe restart? I don't want us to end like this- or at all for that matter."

Hearing his words made me realize how much I truly missed Team Arrow. More importantly, I realized how much I truly missed Oliver. _'No matter how much I miss him or the team... I can't sit here and pretend Barry was just a rebound from that night... what me and Barry had was real- but Echo was right, it was only an illusion... a flicker of happiness in this dark world; I never belonged here.'_

"I love you too, Barry. I truly do... I wish I could say honestly that you wouldn't have to worry about something like Lassiter happening ever again, but I can't..."

I sighed, "What we had was real... I will always be grateful for the light you brought into my world, but I can't deny who I am, Barry. I am the same woman that you locked into that cell. Given the chance, I wouldn't change a thing about shooting an arrow through him."

You saw Oliver step into view in the distance behind Barry, standing patiently with his hood over his head and his hands folded together. "I wish things were different. Besides, you're in love with someone else." I whispered to Barry, letting one tear escape onto my cheek. My words to Barry were half directed at myself since I refused to look back at Oliver. A beautiful irony, honestly... me and Barry were both in love with people we couldn't have.

Barry nodded shamefully, knowing exactly who I wad talking about. "Listen... if you ever- and I mean _ever_ need me, I will be there as fast as I can run, okay?" Barry promised, looking me in the eyes with his teary blue ones. I gave him a few quick nods; Barry pulled me in for one more hug then kissed the top of my head gently.

He let me go then looked back at Oliver with an approving nod before speeding out of the building. For a moment, me and Oliver just looked at one another from across the room. I wished Barry didn't leave me and him alone so soon...

"Let's go." Oliver finally said, walking to me and grabbing my hand, tugging it gently towards the door. I stood my ground and yanked my hand away from him with full tears, "Are you serious?" I cried.

"That's all you have to say to me? 'Let's go?' Mind doing some explaining, maybe? Maybe give me some common fucking curtesy after you slept with me and then proceeded to call it a ' _mistake_?'" I used air quotes over my last word.

Oliver presses his lips together into a fine line, then responded with his electronically altered voice, "Can we please talk about this on the way home?"

"I don't think so... I need to know what you meant by- I need to know what I mean to you." I demanded.

"What you mean to me!?" He shouted angrily, but then grabbed me and yanked me to him forcefully. "Y/N, you mean more to me than I could ever possibly admit." He stared directly into my eyes with his deep blue ones that were hiding behind his mask. He then did his best to show me how he felt through a passionate kiss.

I kissed him back, realizing just how hungry I was to feel his lips on mine again. The two of us continued to make out, which was honestly even more enticing with his mask and hood still on.

Oliver lifted me up and sat me on the computer table so I was more in line with his lips since I'm shorter than him.

It was probably the best way I could think of to show me how much I meant to him.

 _Or was it?_ Last time he did this, he told me it meant nothing. So what would be different this time?

I pushed him off of me, "No, I can't go back to being your _mistake_. Do you understand me?"

"Y/N... All I know right now is that I miss you... I want you to come back." He told me. I shook my head, "No, I'm tired of waiting for you to figure out what you want."

I jumped off of the table and started walking to the exit, "I want to go home."

"Yeah- and which home is that, again?" Oliver asked sarcastically with a frustrated tone. I turned to face him,

"Starling... That's where I've always belonged."


	21. Chapter 21

"Y/N?" Felicity's voice asked, waking me from the attractive puddle of drool on my computer keyboard. "Hmm?" I responded in alarm, twirling in the rolling chair to see her.

"Did you... sleep here?"

I looked around at the team Arrow base, "Um, yeah... I guess I did."

Only after wiping my keyboard did I stand up for a stretch, "I had a lot to catch up on... So Slade... he's still out there?" I asked.

Felicity nodded, "Why do you think it took so long for us to answer your distress signal? We had a plan to catch Slade, and Oliver decided you would be safer in the pipeline until everything was over... Didn't realize it would take a few days. Then, when the plan failed, we convinced him you'd be safer close to us."

"Yeah, well I'm surprised Oli didn't put me in there himself." I half joked.

"Oh, I'm sure if he had thought of it first..." Felicity teased, then changed the subject, "Do you want to get some coffee? A sisterly catch up?"

I sighed, "No, I-"

Just as I was about to make up an excuse to stay and do more work, I caught a glimpse of Oliver entering the basement. "Actually, yeah... coffee sounds nice!"

Felicity gave me a confused expression the moment she detected tension, but was forced to brush it off when I offered a reassuring smile.

"Great, Let's go!"

Oliver was the last person I wanted to talk to... Whenever we talked- anything between the two of us tended to end.

I didn't want it to end.

 _Not this time_.

"I have a secret that isn't _really_ a secret because I wasn't specifically **told** not to tell you..." Felicity admitted when the two of us got in her car.

"What is it?" I urged. Felicity had always been somewhat of a wild card with gossip. On one hand, she was amazing at keeping secrets dealing with vigilante identities, but never when it came to drama that involved her sister.

"After you visited Starling and Oliver took you back to Central City- for Barry,-"

"Is this about me kissing Barry?" The lump in my throat grew bigger at the confrontation.

"He obviously knew about you and Barry, but..."

"Wait, why do you know about all of this?"

It was hard to imagine that Oliver would be upset about seeing me and Barry together after he already was aware we were together. Barry was clearly the reason I wanted to stay in Central City in the first place- besides needing space from Oliver and the team in general.

 _Seeing is believing, I guess_.

"You really are a lovable dummy..." She sighed, shaking her head. I half smiled at the thought of her always saying that to Barry.

"The reason I can tell you this in the first place, is because I overheard Oli talking to Diggle... So now I am asking you to keep this secret."

I furrowed my brows, "Why does this sound so serious?"

"I just know he doesn't open up a lot, so seeing him like-" I cut her off, getting increasingly worried, "Like what?"

"He was talking to Diggle about what you told me before you got injected and left Starling City... The night you two spent together. He also told him about how he said it was a mistake and you should forget about it- _to protect you, Y/N..._ All he was doing was keeping you far enough to stay off of Slade's radar. In doing so, he sent you running to Central City."

My heart sank. How could I be so stupid? Of course he was trying to protect me, he always does!

"Oliver told Diggle something about not being able to control how he feels around you, and something about not being able to fight Slade and have you, too."

"Felicity, why are you telling me this?"

"Because, Y/N... Seeing you kiss one of his best friends hurt him worse than any cut from Slade Wilson ever did- or at least that's what he said to Diggle."

"Oh, God." I groaned, rubbing your hands on your face. "Why on earth, then, would he kiss me when he rescued me from the pipeline?"

"Um, because he cares about you? Because he can't help himself? I don't know, Y/N, it's Oliver." She shrugged.

I sighed and quietly repeated, "Yeah, it's Oliver...." We both exited the car upon arrival at the Radu's coffee shop.

Being there made me miss CC Jitters.

I figured I had just enough time for one more question, "Felicity, should I give him space?"

My sister tucks my hair behind my ear with a fake smile, "What do you think? As I said before, this is Oliver Queen we're talking about here."

"Indeed, it is." I muttered, then followed Felicity into the coffee shop.


	22. Chapter 22

Me and Felicity made it back to the hideout after a couple cups of java to get us both through the day. Luckily, there were a lot more people there now other than just Oliver. In general, I tried to stick close to my sister for two reasons: 1- I have a shit ton of work to catch up on, and 2- Well, need I admit it?

Oliver finally caught a breath when Felicity left her desk to run a quick sample, "Hey, Can we talk? Are you okay?"

Just as I opened my mouth in protest, the crime tracker echoed with beeps. Oliver pressed his lips into a fine line to show how aggravated it made him. "Saved by the bell-" I half joked, then headed over to the rest of the team.

"Slade." Diggle growled. "Looking for more trouble."

Oliver immediately snapped into Arrow mode at the mention of his name; he grabbed his gear and bossed around the team, "Roy, Sara- Suit up. Diggle, I need you in the lookout with your sniper to cover us. Y/N, you-"

"I can help!" I helplessly intruded, then quickly backed up my words, "I trained a lot when I was gone. I did everything you taught me and I think I'm ready to do more for the team."

Lies. I _knew_ I was ready. I had been ready for half of my life! While Oliver was stranded on that island, I was training with highly skilled assassins... not that Oliver needed to know that, or anyone else for that matter.

"That's what I'm talking about!" Roy cheered, but promptly received an icy stare down from Oliver and a stern "No."

Oliver turned his attention back to me, "I need you to stay here with Felicity." He growled.

"But I-"

His voices raised and he pointed his finger at me, startling Felicity since she was sitting closest to where he was standing, " **No**! This is NOT a negotiation, Y/N. This is a final decision, one that _you need to understand."_

I glared back at Oliver, having a miniature stand off in front of the group. "I don't care who goes, but we need to do it now before someone gets hurt." Diggle pointed out.

A horrible attempt to defuse the situation, if you asked me.

"Stay here." Oliver demanded, pointing to a chair. I tried to argue once more, but Felicity interfered with my plans, "It's fine, stay here with me- it'll be fun."

I sat down after a frustrated huff; of course he didn't think I could handle what he and the group does.

"Do you have a death wish?" Felicity laughed after the team left. Unfortunately for her, I wasn't exactly in the mood for jokes, "No, I just wanted to help." I sighed.

Then I got an idea... Not a good idea, but an idea nonetheless.

"I'm going out there... Just to cover them if something happens. And don't you _dare_ tell them, unless you want them distracted and get hurt or something." I jumped up from my chair and grabbed one of Roy's backup bows since the draw weight was much closer to what I was used to. 

Felicity tried to stop me, but every attempt went ignored; Dr. Wells was right to say I am as stubborn as Oliver Queen.


	23. Chapter 23

-Russia -5 years ago-

I had one hand wrapped around my scimitar, the other using three fingers to check his pulse. "Y/N!" Echo shouted, pulling me up from the body. They always tried to teach me to forget the fallen until the war was over... but I could never listen.

The man we were up against was unlike any enemy I had ever encountered. He was strong... not like 'lift 300 pounds' strong, but like 'lift a building' strong.

I knew we were dealing with the Mirakuru drug Vitka showed me earlier that year, but I had no idea what _exactly_ we were dealing with.

I stabbed my sword through his shoulder, but he pulled it out without even a flinch, then tossed me aside like I was nothing.

"We have to get out of here!" Echo yelled to me. I remember getting up to be met by the madman. Luckily, I was in the path for Vitka to get to Echo; Vitka threw a molotov at the man.

For a glimpse in time, I was surprised that the sight of a burning man didn't phase me in the slightest. But that? That was _not a man_. That was a _monster_.

He may have won the fight, but I hoped he knew the League would end him once we figured out how.

I scrambled to my feet and followed Vitka and Echo out of the warehouse. "We never should have chosen that battle." Vitka groaned in regret.

"We lost a lot of brothers and sisters today... I though you said the Mirakuru would never succeed." I complained, getting into a car with the two of them. "Even your mentor can be wrong sometimes, Y/N... This drug is much worse than I ever anticipated; we must figure out how to stop it."

-End of Flashback-

-

By time I got to the scene, Roy and Sara were already attempting to recover from what I gathered was a thorough ass-beating from Slade. My eyes fixed on Oliver, who was single handedly trying to fend off Deathstroke by himself.

 _'Only if they need me_.' I silently reminded myself while I spied nearby. Just in case, I loaded my bow.

To my horror, Oli cried out in pain when Slade tossed him against a light pole like he was nothing.

 _'Get up, Oliver_!' I shouted in my head.

This was it. This was my chance to prove to him I could handle it.

"Slade!" I snapped loudly, distracting him from Oliver's limp body. He turned around and I swear if his mask could form a smirk, it would have.... "Miss Smoak, so nice to see you back in Starling City."

His voice was chilling to the core, but I shook it off, "Enough chit chat." I snarled, releasing an arrow straight at his good eye.

Did he just...

_Catch it?_

I stared in absolute terror as he snapped the arrow in half that you had just shot. ' _Shit_.'

My heart started to beat faster and faster as I took steps backwards for every step Slade took towards me. My distraction was enough for Oliver to regain his strength, "Roy, Sara, Run!" I heard Oliver demand.

Before I knew it, Oliver sent an explosive arrow Deathstroke's way to prevent him from getting to me before he does. Oliver snatched me and rushed away towards the getaway car Diggle was driving.

"That was close." Roy exhaled, taking his hood off in the van. I glanced at Oliver from the corner of my eye, not wanting to stray from the window I'm pouting at. ' _Yep, he's pissed_.'

Sara rested her hand on mine to gather my attention, "Y/N... If you weren't there we probably would have been kille-"

"Sara!" Oliver sternly interjected, "Do not give her that. Diggle had a shot lined up that he couldn't take because-" He pointed a finger angrily at me, "-she decided to play hero."

I rolled your eyes, not even able to muster the energy to fight with him. Sara let go of my hand and quietly sat for the rest of the ride like everyone else did.

I followed last into the building, already seeing the 'I told you not to' look on my sister's face. "Did you not even try to stop her?" Oliver snapped at Felicity while he slammed his bow into its holder.

"No, I did." She defended. "How? Did you hold the door open for her, or something?" He remarked.

Felicity got even more defensive, "Hey! This isn't either of ours fault! If you would have just-"

 **"Enough!"** Diggle demanded, catching everyone's attention. "Let's just all be happy that none of us are taken or hurt... Oliver, you need to go to the other room right now and calm down... _Go_."

Oliver reluctantly listened to Diggle, escaping to the neighboring room. "Just give him a minute. I hope you know it's not you, Y/N; he has been like this for a while now because of Slade... He's in his head." Diggle assured, rubbing the side of my shoulder for support. I simply nodded in return.

_'Oliver needs to get it together.'_


	24. Chapter 24

The time felt right when I decided to talk to Oliver.

His hood and mask were both off, but he still had some grease paint smudged around his eyes from under the mask, which really highlighted just how much of a mess he looked in that moment. He was sitting on the bottom step ledge with his arms folded across his knees, which were resting in front of his chest; I silently sat across from him.

Oliver's blue eyes flicked up to take me in, then refused to remove their focus from me even to blink. I cracked first, "I'm sorry..."

"I don't want to talk about it." Oli huffed, wallowing in self-pity. "No, Oli... but you're going to have to at least listen."

My voice gave him life to his words, "He could have killed you."

"But he didn't." I assured with a smile.

I watched him battle his thoughts to find words. "You just..." Instead, he rubbed his face and sighed- "I don't expect you to understand."

I shrugged, "Okay, then make me understand. You can train me however you want me to fight." His words became very flat, "That's still not the point, but _no_."

At that point, I desperately wished to change the subject: "Are we going to talk about yesterday? Is that what this is about?"

His pitiful blue eyes gazed softly at me, matching his new tone of voice "No..."

I threw my hands up in defeat. _Why is he so damn DIFFICULT?_

"Then what, Oliver? What?"

Oliver stood to his feet, then headed over to a case on the table, "Fine. I will train you- but only on one condition..."

I could tell the subject in subject was on purpose, but honestly I was more intrigued in the new topic. "And what condition is that?"

He looked at me square in the face, "No playing hero until **_I_** say you are ready... No one else but me."

_But I'm already ready, dammit!_

I could tell that there would be no negotiation with his offer- not that I necessarily disagreed with his terms anyway. I simply nodded in response, which gave Oliver the go-ahead to open the case. "Cisco had this sent over- said he made it specifically for you, and you can still put it to good use."

I smiled wide when I saw the bow Dr. Wells had custom made for me by Cisco, along with the jacket Cisco made. "Grab your bow- Let's get started."

The outfit really made me feel complete, even with the bow. A huge chunk of my life was spent wearing the assassin's outfit, which I couldn't even talk about anymore- let alone wear it. Having a disguise to cover my identity truly felt like home.

"But, I'm tired." I protested. "Good, now come." He chuckled.

_It's nice to hear life in his voice again._

I position myself beside Oli when I reached the training room. The training room there was vastly different than the one at S.T.A.R. Labs- more equipment- a lot more tailored to archery. "You're not going to make me slap water again, are you?"

He laughed lightly, "No, but you are going to be using something other than a bow to improve your close combat."

He led me to a large column with pegs sticking out in various spots. I had seen him use that particular setup before to train, but I was always more interested in watching how his muscles moved, than how he actually did it.

It didn't take long for Oliver to tell me how to do it; lucky for me, I was a fast learner and could keep up with his words. "Okay, Do what I told you to and I will be back in an hour. No breaks." His head tilted when I frowned unwillingly at him. "You're not staying?" I asked. There was no point in pretending I didn't notice he recognized my expression. "I don't want to be a distraction." Oliver explained.

"Honestly, Oli? You would be less of a distraction if you are here with me."

I saw his head tilt again in confusion.

"When you aren't here, I start to think about things- I start to wonder. I ask you questions in my head and eventually I start to shut down. If you're here, I can concentrate. If you are here, I would be too self conscious that you can hear my thoughts, so I won't think about you."

I swallowed my words while staring back at him; _'Did I really just say all of that? Can he actually read my mind? Heh.'_

"Or..." Oliver suggested and leaned against one of the beams of the building's structure, "We can just talk about what you want to talk about, and then you can focus on your own."

I thought he was absolutely adorable with his body and head leaned gently against the pillar like that. "You're the one who didn't want to talk in the first place." I huffed.

"Y/N, listen..." His words were distant as I admired how his green suit hit the light as he pushed his weight off of the pillar and slowly paced in front of me. He stopped and stood straight, his hands folded along one another behind his back like he was about to tell me that my dog had died. "I can't be who I am- we can't be who we are with what we do, and still be happy together." 

His words were honest that time, which cut through my chest like a knife. "I am sorry that I kissed you yesterday. I am sorry for the moments that followed that one, too. I can't have this suit while also having you."

In attempt to choke down my emotions, I spoke in a whisper, "You already have both... you are just too blind to see it."

Not saying that his 5 years of hell were anything along the lines of something to envy- but I did wish I had the power to say anything with the blank expression that he could. Even in the League, I was never able to hide emotions like I could words.

I spoke once more when he failed to reply, "If what you say is true, then how can you get upset when I find someone else to share my love with? Someone like Barry?"

Hearing me use 'love' and Barry's name come out of my mouth so close together made Oliver twitch uncomfortably. "I... still care for you..."

There was a silent moment before Oliver's voice filled the air to cover tension, "I will be back in an hour."

I watched him walk towards the exit. ' _Should I say something?_

_I'm going to say something.'_

"How about you come back when you figure out how to tell me the _truth_?"


	25. Chapter 25

_'I know Oliver said one hour with no breaks, but what is 10 minutes going to hurt?'_ I had been training for 30 minutes straight, which was already making me break a sweat.

"Hello, Y/N... It has been a while." The distantly familiar Australian accent cut through the sound of my own breathing. I whipped around to see him standing there in full gear, "Echo?" I exhaled in disbelief; thank God it wasn't the other recognizable Australian voice!

"What are you doing here? How did you find me?" I asked. I was quick to notice something off about him, even the way he was holding himself. I tried to connect the dots, "Where is Vitka?"

His teeth clenched at the question, "That's why I am here... Vitka was taking on a very intense case dealing with the Mirakuru drug. A man that calls himself 'The Soldier' is trying to sell it to corrupt military men in return for an 'I owe you' favor."

I searched my memories of chats that I could recall from overhearing Team Arrow, "The Soldier... yeah, isn't he that Brennan guy?" I asked. He shook his head slowly? _'No?'_ I silently asked, knowing if I stayed quiet I would get an explanation. "Brennan is being forced to cover for a man named Howard Bertoni."

I tried to search my thoughts again, but nothing came up. "I have never heard Arrow mention that name before..." I admitted. Echo nodded with his response, "By design... See, Vitka was assigned to protect Brennan and his family after the SCPD discovered that he was supposedly the man behind the drug heist. As you can imagine, Vitka got into deep trouble when Howard found her..."

What did any of this have to do with me?

Echo continued, "We have a plan to rescue Vitka while also recovering important information that will relieve Brennan of all charges and incriminate Howard. The League has my full support protecting Brennan and rescuing Vitka. With all of the guards there, the League has to split up to recover the data. "

I smiled, "That's great! So, why does it feel like there is an issue...?"

"There is also a bomb hidden somewhere in the warehouse."

I slowly nodded- now it was making sense, "So that's where my help comes in?"

Echo nodded again in return, "If you do so wish."

"How much time do I have to think about this?" I asked.

"We will be there by sundown... Please, think about it." Echo half begged.

I watched as he left through the alley exit. _'What do I do?'_

About 10 minutes later, Oliver came back to see me practicing again on the pillar. "Did you actually do this for an hour?" He asked in disbelief. I laughed verbally, "No... I must admit I took a break."

Oliver smiled at me in amusement, but probably because I was in a sports bra and was sweaty from training. He distracted his eyes by handing me a water bottle he brought with him. "Oh, thank you." I took a few sips, then gave it back. "If it's all the same to you, I think I will head home. I promised myself I would run a few errands." I lied.

Oliver just said "Okay," and then let me leave.

I got back to my house and was pleased to see that Felicity wasn't home. "Maybe I should get my own place." I mumbled to myself.

I made my way to my bedroom and pulled out a bag from under the bed; the bag was the same one that Nyssa gave to me earlier this year when I sat with her on the roof.

"Looks like I made up my mind..." I admitted verbally to myself, gently taking the clothing out of it's carrier. I spoke once more, "Hello, old friend."

The suit seemed right; it seemed as if I was getting back motor function in a paralyzed body part. 

_Is this is who I am? Is this is where I belong? Or do I belong with Team Arrow? With Oliver?_

I got dressed, being sure to sneak out of the house. Luckily, the light outside was starting to fade quickly- which also meant I had to get to the location soon.

I met up with Echo outside, who was accompanied by a few other assassins. "Y/N?" Echo quietly whispered when he saw you. He followed his statement, "I wasn't sure you would come."

He wouldn't have been able to see it anyway with my face guard, but I offered a half smile, "I owe Vitka my life... I will always be here to help the two of you, especially when that means freeing an innocent man in the meanwhile."

He nodded in approval, then motioned for the League to move in on the plan. My objective was simple- find the bomb... disarm the bomb.

I snuck through where the first team entered, but split up with them when they run into hostiles. _'Where would a highly dangerous drug lord keep his bomb?'_

After checking the entire floor, I reached the basement where all of the fighting seemed to centralize.

_'It must be somewhere around here...'_

A feint beeping noise revealed itself to my ears; upon further investigation, I found and lifted a trapdoor to reveal a small bomb with numbers counting down.

"Why is it always a countdown?" I muttered to yourself, "So dramatic..."

I tweaked and snipped a few wires, the usual sequence I found worked with that particular model of bomb. "Bingo." I whispered when the numbers cut off.

Now that I had accomplished your objective, I decided to help with the hostiles. To be frank, I was itching for a good fight after getting a taste of it when Team Flash let me fight... I wanted more. I wanted someone who wouldn't lock me up if I had to create a few casualties.

Just as I was making a shish kebab out of two gunman, you heard the sound of an arrow flying past me, followed by an explosion.

_Oh no! No- no- no-_ **_no_ ** _!_

I instantly got distracted and watched Oliver fighting both Assassins and gunmen alike. This was obviously bad news for me, especially when the rest of the team joins the fight.

"вытащить его отсюда! Get him out of here!" Vitka yelled to me, referring to Brennan. I scrambled for where Brennan was tied up and managed to slice through his restraints. "I am here to help." I assured him, ushering him quickly towards the exit.

An arrow flew past me and wrapped Brennan up in wire- shit! I whipped around and swung my sword aimlessly at Oliver, not looking to harm him. He effortlessly knocked me to the floor with his foot in return.

 _Damn_!

I never wanted to be on the receiving end of that, especially knowing I could never defeat Oliver... Honestly, I didn't know many people who could even put up a fight.

"Oliver, no!" I shouted loud enough for only him to hear when he pointed an arrow at Brennan. Saying his name was was enough to distract Oliver and make him hesitate. In the new given time, I was able to scramble to my feet, "He isn't the man you think he is! You have the wrong guy!"

I swung my sword to knock his bow out of his hands, which I successfully accomplished; Oliver turned his attention to fight me at close combat. "вытащить его отсюда!" I repeated back at Vitka while trying to distract Oliver. "Я буду его отвлекать!" I promptly added, dodging Oliver's swings.

At the time I told Vitka that I would distract Oliver while she rescues Brennan, I didn't realize Oliver could understand Russian.

That fact quickly became very apparent.

"No!" The Arrow shouted. It was too late to stop her, however... Brennan was escaping the scene with Vitka. Angrily, Oliver turned and shoved an arrow through my thigh by hand.

I collapsed to the floor screaming from the pain- arrows hurt a whole hell of a lot more than swords do.

Oliver disappeared into the smoke with the rest of his team. Echo ran to aid me, picking me up and getting me the hell out of here.


	26. Chapter 26

I patched up my leg the best way possible. Luckily, Oliver missed hitting any vital aspects of my leg so I was at least able to walk.

I knew I had to make an appearance at the bunker and explain my absence from that night...

To the maximum of my capability, I gained enough adrenaline (and painkiller medicine) to take a taxi to Verdant and walk inside to the basement.

I saw the whole team having a discussion. "Y/N! Where were you?" Diggle asked when I opened the door. "I'm sorry... I was running some errands. I left my phone at home on accident, so I didn't get the calls."

I did my best to walk down the stairs halfway decently. "What happened to your leg?" Felicity curiously asked. I instantly lied through my teeth, "Oh, it's stupid... I thought someone was following me on my way home, so I started running and didn't notice the pot hole until my damn leg got twisted from it... I should be fine soon- it's nothing."

"I hope so. We have bigger problems now." Oliver told me; I curiously listened.

"We had a plan today to arrest The Soldier. Brennan was right in our grasp, but there was this group..." I sat down beside Felicity while I listened to Oliver, "They're called the League of Assassins. Sara was once a part of them, and it seems as though they have their eyes set on Brennan."

I played dumb, "Assassins? So, they killed The Soldier guy before you could get there?" Oliver raised an eyebrow at my question, "Actually, no. I haven't wrapped my head around it yet, but they were protecting him..."

Diggle interjected with his two cents, "That's not even the worst part... Oliver says that one of the Assassins knew his name."

I gasped, "Wait when you say knew his name... I'm hoping you mean Arrow?" Diggle shook his head in response, being followed up by Oliver's voice- "No, Y/N... they knew my name under the hood. There was something she said to me-"

"She?" I asked. I was confirmed with a "Mmhmn." From Oliver.

Ugh... He was so cute when he responded like that. Especially when he didn't want to be agreeing with something. "She said he isn't the man we think he is..."

"Did you see her face? Do you know who she is?" Roy asked. Oliver shook his head in defeat. I decided to stay quiet in fear of being overly dramatic or nervous in the conversation. I was just grateful that he didn't get a good look at my face or that he didn't question my leg injury further.

I wished I could tell him... but I couldn't.

"So, what did she mean when she said he isn't who you think he is, or whatever?" Roy asked. I quietly sat at my computer and watched Oliver shrug, "I have no idea... Felicity, do you think you could investigate him further? Find out just why the League is interested in him?"

Felicity laughed, "You know I can! I could take it personally that you doubt my abilities."

_'Wait, can Felicity find me in connection to the League somehow by doing this?"_

"Felicity, get to work. Y/N, stay here with her to rest your leg. The rest of us are going to scout the scene in case if our new friends left something behind." Oliver announced before disappearing.

_'Think, think, think... Oh, God... I can't let Felicity find out her sister is the same assassin that completely fucked over the team's operation... at least not until we get proof Brennan is innocent.'_

In the midsts of my thoughts, I got a terribly brilliant idea, "What do you say we get some Big Belly Burger up in here and catch ourselves an assassin?"

Felicity's face lit up as I expected it would since it is hands down her favorite place for brain food. "Is that even a question?" She cheered.

I grabbed my phone and texted on it to Echo,

**'Me: I need your help. It involves fast food...'**

Echo and I responded back and forth for a minute to let him in on my plan. Once he was on board, I smiled at Felicity. "Just placed an online order- it'll be here before you know it!"

15 minutes passed before Felicity got focused on her objective, "Okay, so I think if I get the footage from the fight that night, then I will be able to locate and track the assassin who knew Oliver's name... I can use street cameras, security cameras- whatever has video so I can track her to where she's operating from, maybe even reveal who she us under that hood!" I offered the best smile I could in return for her brilliant plan, "Wow... Didn't know that was possible."

Luckily, I heard the buzz from Verdant's entrance. "Do you mind, Felicity? My leg is still pretty sore..." Felicity nodded with excitement and ran up to get the food.

Not even a minute later, she was back with the bad of food in hand. "Phew... I would say that delivery guy was smokin' hot if his Australian accent didn't remind me so much of Deathstroke..."

She plopped down in her chair and tossed a burger to me before grabbing her own out of the bag. I immediately started scarfing down a few fat fries. I watched her open and take the first several bites, "Oh my GOD, this is so good. Y'know... this is like cocaine, it should definitely be illegal." She took one more bite and spoke with a full mouth, "Let's... Let's get.... to... t' work....."

"Felicity? Are you okay?"

I watched as my sister fell lifeless to the floor after giving me a panicked look. I swallowed the last of my fry, calmly standing up to check on her, "I am so sorry, sis... I couldn't let you find out my secret..."

I decided to leave her exactly how she fell before sitting at her computer. Speaking to myself helped me concentrate, "Okay... Warehouse cameras... Street cameras. Oh, and maybe let's not forget the cameras on here."

I quickly navigated through Felicity's computer and deleted every original, copy, and backup files that I could find that showed me on tape. Instead of leaving the feed black, I was able to use my sister's user friendly interface to simply loop footage of an empty room as if no one was ever there at all.

Next, I decided to hack my tracker to make sure it looked like I was somewhere else in Star City, backing up where I was and how I 'twisted' my ankle. I didn't think anyone was going to check the tracker... but just in case... "What else..." I whispered to myself.

"Files on Brennan, maybe? ..Why not?" I went in and erased the data they gathered on Brennan; after all, the data was fake in the first place.

I ran through to make sure there was absolutely nothing that could lead Felicity back to me. "I think that's it..."

As the final step, I took a few bites of my cheeseburger then quickly set the loop in the room to turn off in 30 seconds before returning to my seat. "Here we go..." I muttered with my mouth full. 

As expected, my vision faded out and I fell to the floor like Felicity had.


	27. Chapter 27

I woke up to Oliver and Felicity both shaking me. Good, Felicity woke up first...

I sat up quickly and in a panic, "What happened!?"

"We have no idea..." Felicity responded with tears in her eyes. "Are you two okay?" Oliver asked, having one hand wrapped around to my shoulder furthest from him. "I... I think so...?" I responded, looking around.

Lucky for me, waking up in a completely different spot disoriented me and was helping to aid my act. "Who did this?" I asked Oliver while allowing him to help me to my feet. Felicity rushed to her computer, "No, no, no!"

I leaned against Oliver, holding his arm. Oof... muscles....

' _Calm down. Focus_.'

"That doesn't sound like good news... who was it? What happened" I questioned. Felicity looked at me with visible confusion, "No one... apparently."

Oliver furrowed his brows, "What does that mean?"

"They deleted everything. They took our security footage from today and even from the fight..." She clicked a few tabs on her computer, "Yep, looks like they took all of our files on Brennan, too... This must have been the League." Oliver slammed his fist on my desk with a loud "Dammit!"

"Oliver, it's fine. We can still get the information back on Brennan... This is just going to take longer than we had hoped." Diggle explained.

I decided to complain in response, "That was our only lead on who was protecting The Soldier... who knew about Oliver being the Arrow."

"Let me worry about that..." Oliver responded, allowing his hand to rub my shoulder gently. Diggle took note of his subtle gesture, "Oliver, why don't you take Y/N for some dinner while me and Felicity try to find a lead?"

Oliver glanced down at me, then back at Diggle with weariness. "Go on, we will call you if you're needed." Diggle assured.

To my luck, Oliver kept his arm around me so I could half lean against him while the two of us walked to his motorcycle. "I would have called a limo or something, but I didn't feel like changing out of my suit." He joked, handing me a glossy black helmet to borrow for the ride.

I gently slipped it over my hair, "Where are we going where that is considered proper attire?" Oliver slid his helmet on as well and hopped on the bike, "I make a pretty good chili..-" He suggested. Knowing he couldn't see me underneath the helmet, I allowed for myself to smile wide, "Sounds yummy."

I always loved riding on the back of his bike. More specifically, I loved being able to wrap my arms around his muscular body for an extended period of time without being judged for it.

A short drive later, we arrive at his house. "Thea is out of town right now, so we have the entire house to ourselves." Oliver told me while putting mine and his helmets away.

"I don't want to intrude if-" My words got cut off by Oli, "No, you're not intruding... If I'm being honest, it's been quite lonely here lately after mom..." His voice trailed.

I wrapped his hand in mine, interlacing my fingers with his. "Hey, don't worry.. you don't have to be alone tonight." Oliver looked down to me with a genuine smile. "Thank you."

_Excuse me? Did Oliver just use the words 'thank' and 'you?'_

The two of us entered the house; I immediately found my way to the comfortable sofa in front of the fire place. "Wanna turn that on before you start cooking?" I asked.

Oliver came into the room with no hood and no shirt on, "Sorry I was in the other room; what did you say?"

His abs distracted me from my thoughts. Hopefully I wasn't drooling, but I was in my right mind enough to see Oliver turning the fireplace on, "I was just asking... uh, for you to turn that on..."

My words were more of a statement, since he obviously heard me the first time. I watched carefully as Oliver stepped towards me, "You said you wanted me to turn something on?"

Every step he took closer to me revealed different ways for me to stare at his perfectly sculpted body. "I... uh," I stuttered. With a wide smile, Oliver jumped up onto the sofa with his feet at either side of my body, looking down at where I was laying. I couldn't help but release a giggle, "Oli... What are you doing?"

"You wanted me to turn it on, didn't you?" He asked, dropping down on his need to be sitting over my hips. "But like... I meant the fire." I protested with a wide smile. Before I could say anything else, Oliver leaned down the rest of the way and planted an amazing kiss on my lips. Naturally, I leaned in to it.

Things got interesting, but then I remembered...

_'Fuck... he will wonder why there's an arrow shaped hole in my thigh...'_

I was forced to break away from the kiss, "Oliver...." He shook his head softly, "No, please don't let this moment slip away from us."

His words were sincere and reached your core. Unfortunately, I still had to push him further away. "Oli, I can't do this- _we_ can't do this..."

Oliver sat up with disappointment, "Why not?" He asked. I wanted to scoff, but held back- "As you said before, we can't live this type of life and expect to be able to have one another."

"Y/N... I can't explain to you how badly I want to have you in my arms every night. I don't want to keep pretending that I don't lov-" I cut him off instantly with real tears threatening my eyes, "No- no, don't say it... That isn't fair, Oliver!"

I sat up and wiggled out from under him; now it was personal and not just about my leg. "You can't keep doing this to me. We can't keep sleeping together or admitting feelings- or whatever it is that we keep doing."

Oliver stood up looking defeated, "I know... I'm sorry." He muttered, then added "I still think you should stay here tonight. I can make dinner and then we can sleep."

I nodded, "I would like that..."

_Ugh. Why? Why did_ _I_ _have to fight Oliver? Why did he have to stab_ _me_ _in the leg? Why do_ _I_ _have to keep secrets from him? Why can't_ _I_ _just have this night with Oliver? Why can't the two of_ _us_ _just say how_ _we_ _feel and never have to let go?_


	28. Chapter 28

- _Starling City- 4 years ago-_

_I hated being back there... back in Starling. It killed me that I couldn't come back home or let my family know that I was alive. 3 years ago from this moment was when I disappeared. Whoever kidnapped me wanted information on my father; now that I was back in town, I wanted to make sure my sister was safe. After all, the reason I was in the city in the first place was because the group that kidnapped me was spotted here._

_I remember thinking how distantly familiar all of the roads were... Starling didn't change at all. Looked like my sister didn't either._

_I was watching from a rooftop outside of Queen Consolidated where Felicity worked. My League gear was fully equipped from the bow and arrows to the face mask and hood._

_I took notice of how Felicity looked, but only through the light of street lamps. Admiring her aesthetic almost distracted me from the 6 men who were taking position around her. 'Oh, no you don't.'_

_I use your grappling arrow to zip down the building just in time to kick one of the men who had literally just put a hand on Felicity; I pushed her away from the fight._

_I recall Felicity was screaming, but I couldn't remember how it sounded if I was honest; I were focused on protecting my family._

_I shot an arrow in two of the other guys, leaving three more to deal with. Unfortunately, they were too close for arrows. Instead, I used the back of my bow to hit the first man._

_In the corner of my eye you could see one of the remaining two reaching for his gun. Just in time, I had moved the man's body I was currently in combat with in front of me to take the bullets._

_I threw his body to the floor when the man ran out of ammo, then used both of my swords to shove in each of the men's chests._

_Once they were all down... permanently.... I turned my attention to my horrified sister. "I'm sorry you had to see that... Are you okay?"_

_She tried to regain steady breathing so she could respond, "I... I think so."_

_I turned my attention to where I could hear sirens blaring in the distance. "Do I... Have we met before?" Felicity softly asked; I instantly looked back to her._

_"Can you keep a secret?" I responded, glancing quickly at the dead bodies. She nodded frantically._

_Oh how I wished I could tell her everything. I wished I could rip off that mask and hood and hug her tight to tell her everything is okay and I was alive._

_I settled for placing my hand gently on her cheek, which I knew was the closest to a hug I could have. "моя сестра..." I whispered softly before disappearing into the darkness._

_-End of Flashback-_

_-_

I woke up to see Oliver sleeping peacefully. Apparently, I had fallen asleep with my head rested in his lap; he fell asleep with his back against the sofa, sitting upright so he wouldn't disturb my sleep. I smiled to myself, _'If only I could wake up to this every morning...'_

I took the opportunity to gaze at his muscles as well as the scars on his body that I hadn't had much time to examine. I remembered Oliver mentioning his scars before and how most of them were from being tortured... but I never noticed just how large the scars were until then.

_Poor Oliver..._

I decided to let Oliver sleep since he didn't seem to get much of it lately. Maybe I could rest a bit longer, too?

I rested my eyes and tried to get some extra sleep to pass the time. However, Oliver jumped awake and back to reality not even 3 minutes later. "Are you okay?" I sleepily asked, taking note of how abruptly his body woke him up. Oliver ignored the question, "Good morning... Sorry if you didn't want me to sleep right here... you seemed so peaceful."

"No, it's okay- you made a wonderful pillow." My warm smile made Oliver give one back in return. As the two of us were looking into one another's eyes, Oliver's phone started beeping. "Excuse me," he said. I gently sat up and began stretching while he dug in his back pocket for his phone. "It's Diggle... I have to go." I nodded, "I'll see you later. I'll be by the bunker later."

The two of us parted ways- Oli on his motorcycle and me in a taxi. "So, Oliver Queen, hmm?" The nosy taxi driver asked. My first instinct was to scoff at the judgement in her tone of voice, but I held it back. "It's not like that. Me and Oliver are friends."

I would have loved to slap that doubtful look off of her face...

I arrived to me and Felicity's house and I walked in expecting to be alone.

My leg started hurting even worse, "Ouch..." I muttered to myself. After grabbing my first aid from the kitchen, I made my way to the sofa and took my pants off to reveal the wrapped wound the Arrow gave me. Slowly, I unwrapped the old bandages. "Y/N...." a familiar voice softly greeted. I looked up to see Vitka in the corner of my living room with her usual assassin gear on. "Vitka! ..If I could, I would get up and hug you right now."

She chuckled in response, "You know I don't care much for that." There was a brief pause before she continued speaking, "I came here to thank you... I know getting back in that suit must have been hard for you, but it seemed like you were up on practice."

While she spoke, she came over to help clean and bandage my wound; I allowed her to do the work, "Well, I'm not 'back,' Vitka... I only wanted to help get you to safety and to free an innocent man." She smiled in approval, "And I thank you... Brennan still has a target on his back in the eyes of your team and the police; we have the information to put Howard behind bars now, but we fear no one will listen to us."

The dots were easy for me to connect, "But you think they'll listen to me."

"Yes.. If you decide to." Vitka handed me a small silver flash drive, "The information is all here. What you do next is up to you." She wrapped my leg one last time, "Keep off your leg as much as you can. I put a special healing herb in it to speed the process; you may fight, but it will be painful."

"Thank you, Vitka- for everything."

She used her pale hand to cup my cheek in a motherly manner, then disappeared when she left the room.

_'How do I get the team this information without being asked where I got it?'_

Keeping this secret was getting harder every day to hide from the team ever since the League reached out to me for help. _Is this how Oliver feels every day hiding the truth from Thea or even Laurel?_

_What do you think Oliver would say if he knew? What do you think Felicity would think about it? Or even Barry?_


	29. Chapter 29

I spent the entire day at home to relax and heal my leg. The herbs Vitka gave me were doing wonders for my wound. However, spending the entire day in one house got boring.

I walked into Verdant, hoping to find the team hanging out here. Instead, I walked in to see Felicity visibly shaken and on the verge of tears. "Felicity!? Are you okay?" I frantically asked, throwing down my bag and rushing over to her. "Stay back!" She panicked. I stopped dead in my tracks, ' _What on earth?'_

"Felicity?"

"I got a visit from our Australian pirate today..." She began, barely able to speak through the horror. You felt a wave of the same terror sweep over me. "Did he hurt you?"

She shook her head, "Not physically..."

I furrowed my brows, trying to search her face for any hint as to what she was talking about. My efforts proved fruitless, so I was forced to ask with my words. "Okay... What does that mean, Felicity? You have to talk to me."

Instead of talking, she showed me.

_Shit._

When she turned the computer monitor around to face me, I saw a collage of videos playing simultaneously. Each video was me dressed up in Assassin gear and killing someone, basically.

All I could do was stare at it with my mouth parted slightly, "Wh... Who is that?"

"He thought you might say that..." Felicity sniffed before clicking the tab on her keyboard. This time, there were only two separate videos side by side: The footage I deleted of fighting Oliver, along with one other video that came with audio footage.

Somehow, Slade had captured a video of me in full gear, but with my hood behind me and my face mask pulled down around my neck. I listened to my own voice crack through the computer speakers, discussing what happened after Oliver stabbed an arrow through me to Echo.

"How did Slade get these?" I asked flatly, knowing there was nothing now I could say to convince her it isn't me.

"Really? That's your question, where did he get these?" She turned the computer back to face her. "Y/N... you killed all of those people..."

I dug down deep for any way for Felicity to understand why I had to kill for them. I did it for the League, I would die for them as well as kill for them... More importantly, they helped me protect my family. My sister.

The lightbulb went off in my head, _'Wait... My sister... that's it!'_

"I couldn't but help notice he left out some very specific videos in that propaganda he handed you...

моя сестра _."_

The words seemed to click in her mind as I hoped they would. I gave Felicity time to process the familiar words.

The words were Russian for 'my sister,' they were also the same words I said to her 4 years ago when I saved her life from those 6 men. Then it hit her, "Wait... that was you?" I simply nodded as a response.

Felicity sat down in her seat, staring at her computer and trying to process.

"Felicity... you used to watch Oliver do the very same thing every single day. He was doing what he had to do, just as I do what I have to do... You even accept Sara being in the same league as I am. More importantly, Felicity, you know how important and how hard it is for them to keep the secrets they do to protect the ones they love. Hell, you kept Oliver's secret identity from me..."

It was an amazing stride of luck for me that Sara never met me in the league. I thought of it every time I saw her, which is why I also chose to keep a distance from her.

"You're right... It's just the shock from all of it, honestly. I know we don't talk much about those 6 years that you were gone, but now I understand it's because you couldn't tell me." Felicity's voice was soft and genuinely understanding.

I walked closer to my sister, the computer desk still between us. "One thing-" I waited for Felicity to look at me in the eyes before continuing, "Please don't tell anyone about this."

Felicity furrowed her brows, "No, no... Y/N, you have to tell Oliver- he needs to know."

"I know... But I should be the one to tell him. Not you, not Slade, no one except me. Okay?" I responded, being sure that she heard every word I uttered. She nodded in agreement.

"Good," I took the silver flash drive from my coat pocket and handed it to her, "Now that I don't have to figure out a lie about how I got this information, this contains every bit of information you need to prove Brennan's innocence as well as prove Howard is in fact 'The Soldier.'"

Felicity curiously grabbed the drive from me and immediately started searching through the files, "This is all legit... Woah, this is amazing work. Where did you get this? Is this why you were protecting him?"

"Yes... One of my old mentors came to me for help protecting him; I had no idea Oliver would show up there." I explained. I walked over to the bag I threw down at the door before returning to Felicity, this time sitting next to her at my desk.

"Okay... Give me a day or two, even I couldn't have gotten all this information so fast. They must have been working on perfecting this case for months." Felicity requested, typing on her computer.

"Sure thing; do you happen to know where Oliver is?" I asked curiously. To be quite frank, I hadn't been able to stop thinking about last night. Man, it sucked having to turn down Oliver Queen. Why'd he have to stab me?

Maybe it's for the best.

Felicity's voice snapped me back to reality, "Um, I think he's upstairs actually..."

"Thanks..."

I sent my computer to sleep then got up and made my way towards the music.


	30. Chapter 30

The music in Verdant was blaring the latest tunes as loud as physically bearable. I waded my way through the mass of drunk party people in hopes of finding Oliver in all of this. Maybe he'd be at the bar with Thea? I almost reached the bar before I heard a feint voice accompanied by a hand grabbing my arm.

I whipped around quickly to see Oliver with a content smile on his face. I always loved when he had that sweet smile. Normally I only saw it when he spoke to his sister or his mother; it was the smile of Oliver Queen forgetting for even just a moment that he was a vigilante... Must be nice.

He said something to me, making me point to my ear in confusion followed by a loud, " ** _What!?"_** I saw Oliver laugh in response, although I couldn't hear his laughter over the music. He brought his lips closer to my ear and sent a chill up my spine when I felt his warm breath, "We need to talk. Outside?"

I nodded, letting him grab my hand and easily maneuvering the both of us through the crowd towards the exit.

I finally got some peace and quiet outside of the venue. I also got the opportunity to see how adorable he looked wearing a suit other than the Arrow one. Oliver gently rested his hands on both of my shoulders, "Y/N, something happened today."

_Why is he acting so weird? What happened?_

I decided to repeat my question out loud, "What happened?"

"Mm... Not important." He winked. "Do you want to have dinner with me?"

His question threw me back so much that it forced my words to spew out of my mouth faster than I could think of them, "Dinner? Like a dinner, dinner? Or like, just a dinner? Because if it's a dinner- dinner, then does that mean like a date? Like, a date- date?"

Oliver started to giggle at my flustered rambling, "Not _like_ a date... a date."

He used a finger to gently grab my chin and close my parted mouth, "A date-date." He clarified with one last chuckle. I smiled wide in return. Oliver and I had spent many confusing nights together, but never a night out in public on an official date. "I would love to."

_The whole 'I'm a member of the League of Assassins' talk can wait until a bit later. Right?_

Oliver wrapped his fingers into mine, "Great... How do you like Table Salt?"

_Excuse me?_

"Um, are we going to be eating salt?"

Oliver chuckled once more, leading me towards a limo that had a driver standing beside the open door. "No, that's the name of the restaurant."

 _Oh wait, that must be the place that opened up a few years ago in downtown Starling City._ "You mean the place Laurel deems 'ridiculously expensive?'"

Oli gave a "Mmhmn." in cue that he didn't necessarily care to discuss how much it costed- or more like didn't care about the money, because why would he? He's the richest man in the city.

"Oli, I am unbelievably underdressed." I pointed out, looking down at my jeans and tank-top. "Okay, we can just stop by your place before... I don't mind waiting."

I tried to pace my excitement when I reached the front door of my house. Whatever gave him the change of heart, I was grateful for it.

I picked out a full length dress to wear- tags still hanging off the side. To be honest, I bought that dress back in Central City when I left the League in hopes that I could put the past behind me and ditch full range pants.

I brushed through my hair a few times, then sat on my bed to put heels on. Just as I finished, I caught a glimpse of my book-bag that contained my suit in it. I paused and stared at it for a minute, "I don't need you tonight." I said to it, shaking my head.

I got up and grabbed my purse, but then looked back at the bag as if my gut was tugging my attention back to it. "Okay... But you're staying in the limo."

I grabbed the bag, then joined Oliver back in the limo. I was met with a "Wow!" making me blush instantly.

"What? Never seen a woman in a dress before?" I teased. "I've never seen _you_ in one." He replied with a devious smirk. Nice one. "I can dress up!" I protested, attempting to push him over by his arm. "Uh-huh... Here I was thinking your closet consisted only of jeans, tank tops, and combat boots. Besides,-"

He leaned in and ripped the price tag off of my dress, holding it up with a wide smile, "Something tells me you don't dress up for much."

I shrugged while hiding my embarrassed blush, "Well maybe now I have something worth dressing up for." I caught Oliver staring contently into my eyes with his dark blue ones. _What has gotten in to him?_

Before I was allowed to think any more about it, I found Oliver holding the back of my head in his hand and his soft lips pressed gently against my own. I leaned into the kiss, denying my hands to opportunity to touch him so I could practice resisting him until my leg had healed.

_Oh, hell- it's just one kiss._

_Or two. Or three... Who's counting?_

I finally let my hand to trail from running in his hair, to resting on his thigh. Doing this gave Oliver the go-ahead to use his free hand to grip my thigh under the slit in your dress. Luckily, he grabbed the leg that didn't have a bandage wrapped around it.

Oliver only pulled away from my lips when the limo stops in front of Table Salt. He used his hands to fix his suit jacket and tie; the driver opened the door moments after.

I was left out of breath while Oli got out of the limo first so he could offer his hand as help getting me out. I gratefully accepted, leaving my book-bag in the seat.

Two hours later, Oliver and I enjoyed dessert, which I barely had room for. Oliver never made reservations; the moment he walked in, the staff pushed him up to the front of the waitlist. It paid to be a rich man in the city.

"Is it weird?" I asked in an open-ended question. Oliver tilted his head curiously, so I continued. "Is it weird that we haven't talked about, y'know-" I whispered "Team Arrow?" To conclude my question.

I watched as his smile faded, "I just felt like we had other things we could talk about... and I was right; I have had an amazing night with you, Y/N."

My smile of his response made up for how much of his had faded. I started to play with my straw as a nervous tick. "I have to admit, I was thrown off when you asked me out for dinner."

Oliver raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, "Really?"

The waitress placed the receipt book in front of Oliver and thanked the two of us for stopping by. As she left, I heard Oli's phone beep a few times.

He groaned and let his hand surf his pocket to retrieve the phone. I could visibly see his face turn into Arrow mode. "Diggle is in trouble... We have to go." He stated.

The two of us got up, having already paid. "Is it okay if I get the limo to take you home? I really need to go..."

Since when did Oliver ask for permission? Unless this was his subtle way of telling me he didn't think I was ready to help. I nodded in response, "Yes, but what is happening?"

"Something about the League of Assassins... I can pick you up when I'm done." Oliver disappeared on his bike after the explanation.

_Uh oh..._


	31. Chapter 31

"Felicity, where is Oliver headed?" I demanded when my sister picked up her phone. "I'm sending you the location. Apparently, Diggle decided to take it upon himself to investigate the assassin that fought Oliver."

"Shit." I growled in response. "Y/N," Felicity warned, "Be careful."

I clicked off the phone call and ran towards the location Felicity sent me. Pretty lucky that I brought my assassin suit, huh?

I arrived at the warehouse- ' _why is it always a warehouse?'_

Diggle was nowhere in sight, but I saw Oliver taking on a few League members, several others on the ground. I noticed Echo was trying to reach his bow from where he fell. Oliver took notice and drew back his bow; instantly, I pulled my own bow and shot an arrow to intercept the one Oliver sent flying for Echo.

The arrows crashed into one another and both fell to the ground. Oliver turned in my direction, probably from surprise that someone intercepted his arrow. I stared back at him from behind my mask. From the brief distraction, I saw Vitka take advantage of the situation and attack Oliver to protect her lover. It was something I couldn't allow...

I rushed over and grabbed Oliver's bow arm as the only option of not hurting him or Vitka. Oliver yanked on his bow, throwing me into Vitka. In return, I jumped onto my feet and tried grabbing his bow again. With both mine and his hands on the bow, I was forced to fight Oliver in close range combat. Fortunately for me, I had the advantage of knowing just exactly how Oliver fought, which gave me the edge I needed to make myself tough competition.

On the other hand, my weakness was not actually wanting to hurt Oliver. With one final blow, he knocked me face first to the ground. I managed to turn my body over and saw Oliver drawing his bow back in intentions of hitting Vitka... and he wasn't aiming to just hurt her. "Oliver, stand down!" I demanded from the ground. He turned his arrow to point it at me instead of Vitka; maybe he thought she was the one who knew who he was? "How do you know me!?" He shouted, pulling the arrow back to full draw length.

This is it- It's over... "I never wanted you to find out this way..." I clicked off my voice alter device, pulled back my hood, and then reached up to my mask to tug it down around my neck.

I looked back up to him, afraid of his reaction. He looked as though a ghost was staring back at him. "Please," I slowly pushed myself to stand in front of him. "Put the bow down, Oli... I can explain everything."

I could tell Oliver wanted more than anything in the world to be mad at me; he wanted to allow himself to feel betrayed, but he also knew that he would be a hypocrite for it.

Slowly, Oliver guided his arrow back to the resting position and he lowered the bow while he did it. "Where is Diggle?" He asked flatly. I shook my head, "I don't know... but if you stop hurting my friends, I can ask them."

"Fine." Oliver growled, collapsing his bow and attaching it to his back holster. I walked to Vitka and helped her up, making sure she was okay. "Where is John?" I asked her. She glared at Oliver, daring him to touch her or Echo again, "Down the hall behind me, last door on the right."

"He better be." Oliver snapped at her, pushing past her to find Diggle. She took no bother to being bumped, but simply made her way to Echo so she could check on him. I opened my mouth to say something after Oliver disappeared, but I heard three loud explosion noises, each one closer than the one before.

"Get him out of here!" I shouted at Vitka as the ground started shaking. _'What the hell is happening!?'_

I ran in the direction Oliver went, but was blocked by a large beam that had fallen from the ceiling. "Oliver!!" I shouted, hoping he was close.

I heart started racing faster and faster with each piece of the building caving in around me. I realized I was surrounded, so I looked up to see if I could escape through a possible hole.

I saw a beam falling straight towards me; just before I closed my eyes in anticipation of the inevitable, I saw lightning fill up my surroundings along with the crashing rubble around you.

The next thing I knew, I was inside of a familiar house. "What?" I muttered to myself in confusion. I whipped around to examine my surroundings; ' _is this Barry's house?'_

I turned again and saw Barry leaned against the kitchen counter in his Flash suit, the hood resting gently behind his head. He had a devious smirk on his face, "You are just full of surprises, missy." He teased.

I was far too concerned about my friends for the conversation, honestly. I asked all of my questions before I could form the words properly, "Where is Oliver? Is Vitka okay? John? Echo?"

Barry pushed off the counter and walked closer to me, "It's okay. They are all safe, I made sure of it..." The feeling of relief rushed over me, "Oh thank God!" I allowed myself to wrap my arms around him for a tight hug as a thank you. Barry hugged me back and rested his head on top of mine. "How did you know?" I asked, not pulling away from his embrace quite yet. "Oh, your sister may or may not have called me freaking out that you might need my help... Something about Oliver kicking your ass." Barry chuckled.

I pushed off of him with a joking scoff, "Oh, come on! You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

Barry laughed, reminding me of how pure my life had become when I lived in Central City. "Want me to take you back to Starling now? I didn't really know who to drop you off beside..."

I sighed, "I suppose..." Starling wasn't exactly where I wanted to be in the moment. I wasn't sure how Oliver was going to respond to finding out that I had been lying to him about who I was. If only I had some time to think about how to explain it all to him.

Barry picked up on my hesitation, "I mean... You could always sleep with me tonight." I raised an eyebrow at him, making him blush in realization of how that sounded. He stuttered, "Uh, I- What I meant by that- As in you can crash on my sofa."

I let myself laugh, something I still wasn't used to doing outside of Central City. "I know what you meant, I just like to see you get embarrassed."

"That's rude." Barry teased, then leaned forward to tickle my waist in defense of his embarrassment. I yapped, then ran away into the living room shouting "Nooo!"

Barry super-sped to block me, appearing in front of me. Before I could react, I ran in to him. Barry tried to catch mu fall, but ended up falling with me and twisting to land on top of me. The two of us busted out in laughter and maybe slight embarrassment.

My laughter died with Barry's as if I was on the same wavelength as he. My body forced me to hold my breath at how close Barry was to my face. None of it seemed real to me, but it sure had my body fooled.

See, sometimes my mind or my heart and my body were on completely different pages.

No- completely different _books_.

Barry took the opportunity to close the gap between my lips and his, letting the familiar feel of my lips greet his. My mind lost the battle after a short fight and permitted my body to kiss Barry back.

No longer needing to hold himself up after I kissed him back, Barry pressed his body closer to mine when he relaxed.

After a few more kisses, Barry stood up and pulled me up with him, grabbing me by my thighs and letting me wrap my legs around his waist.

He sat me on the kitchen counter and yanked off whatever he could figure out how to remove on my elaborate uniform. The entire time he was removing my clothes, he never broke away from my lips for more than a few breaths.

' _Me and Oliver aren't dating_.' I told myself in my head.

I start to unzip Barry's suit and I let my hands explore his muscular body. ' _We had one date, yes....'_

Barry broke from my lips and started trailing kisses down my neck, pulling my hips close to his so I could feel his bulge press against me. ' _However, we are_ _not_ _. dating. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with this.'_

I let a soft moan escape my lips, which was too much to handle. Barry went back to kissing me, but this time he let his tongue play in the kisses. ' _But then why does it feel so wrong?'_

' _Oh, hell...'_

I broke away from Barry and gently pushed him from me, denying my body's wishes. I tried catching my breath, gazing empathetically back at the confused speedster in front of me. I said nothing, but Barry seemed to pick up on what my words couldn't say. "It's okay, Y/N... I understand."

He ran his hand along my cheek and let it tuck my hair behind my ear with a smile; how was he always so understanding? How did he always know the right thing to do? "I'm sorry..."

Barry shook his head with a laugh, "Never be sorry. Come on, I'll get you set up with a pillow and blankets for tonight." He zipped his suit back and offered me a hand to get me off the table. I smiled sympathetically at him as I accepted his hand and hopped off the counter.

He lead me hand-in-hand to the sofa and tugged me in for another hug; I hugged him tightly. ' _He's perfect, you idiot!'_ I scolded in my head.

_'A perfect man in the perfect city. Your life was pure here- it was fun! What has Barry ever done to hurt you? Nothing. Why don't you just let yourself have a better life?'_

Barry kissed the top of my head, then let go of me. "I will see you in the morning." He said before speeding out of the room; must be nice to never have to walk.


	32. Chapter 32

I woke up to the golden rays shining through the windows and onto my face. _It's funny... the sun always seems to be a warmer and inviting color in Central City... everything in Starling is just... colder._

I could smell Barry making something in the kitchen, so I decided to peak my head over the back of the sofa. Barry was wearing a S.T.A.R. Labs tee and sweatpants while cooking; he saw me when he turned around and instantly smiled, "Hey! Are you hungry?"

My smile spread wide against the sofa, but I was sure he could see it in my eyes. "Extremely." I responded.

Barry brought a plate over to me, "I would have offered to take you somewhere, but something tells me that you need a good heart-to-heart."

He sat on the other end of the same sofa, facing me with how he tilted his body. "You must hate me..."

"Hate you? No... It does make a lot more sense why it was so easy for you to kill Lassiter, though..." Barry replied.

The memory didn't sit well in my stomach; it reminded me of how I lost it the first chance Harrison Wells gave me. "It's never _easy,_ Barry. Besides, I've found a new way now."

Barry lifted an eyebrow from the coffee mug he was sipping on, which begged for me to continue. "Ever since I joined Team Arrow I've been trying to learn that you don't always have to kill. Sure it's the quickest way to results, but the right path sometimes takes longer." I took another bite of my pancake and randomly add, "These are delicious, by the way."

"Thank you! And I'm glad you're finding another way to be someone else, or _something_ else." He chuckled, mimicking Oliver. I half smiled to myself hearing his name. _'I wonder how he's doing right now...'_

 _"_ Speaking of another way... I have something for you." Barry said before speeding out of the room in a fit of lightning. He returned in a flash holding a small needle syringe, "I am proud to present to you the 100% tested and proven to work Mirakuru cure."

My mouth dropped open, "Are you serious?" I took the cure in my hands. "Barry, thank you so much. This is amazing."

He smiled warmly at me, then returned to his seat to continue eating. The two of us silently ate until I finished and Barry broke the silence, "You're just like him, do you see that?"

I furrowed my brows at him curiously, "What?" Barry put mine and his plate on the coffee table before explaining, "Oliver. I've gotten the privilege of watching both of you grow into better people. I'm sure you don't want to hear it as much as he doesn't, but you are a hero, Y/N."

I chuckled, "I am not a hero."

"See? Just like him."

I frowned, then got up from my seat and started putting on my layers of clothes one by one, since it's all I had.

"Y/N," Barry began when I finished getting ready. He held the sides of my arms gently so I looked at him, "If you ever decide that he's not the guy for you, you will always have a perfectly good date waiting here in Central City for you."

I offered him a half smile in return. "It's no secret you care about him, Y/N... I see the way you act when I say his name or even mention him."

I looked down to my boots. _Is it really so obvious?_

"He cares about you too, Y/N... He told me that night he got you out of the pipeline. Honestly, I think those feelings weren't exactly new at the time." Barry paused, then took his hand off my arm to tilt my chin back up at him, "If you want some advice- talk to him... No more secrets about the League; no more secrets about how you feel."

I nodded slightly. I mean, how could I argue? He was absolutely right. "I'm scared.." I admitted.

Barry shrugged, "Why?"

I thought it over in my head. _'What do you mean why? Because... well, I guess I don't know why..."_

"Thank you, Barry... Do you mind dropping me off at Verdant? I don't think my swords or bow will pass security."

"Absolutely... I hope you know you always have a friend you can count on, too." He said with a wide smile. I was able to give him a genuine smile in response to it, "I know."

Barry super-sped me back to Starling City and dropped me off right in front of the ally entrance. As fast as I got there, Barry was gone. I placed my hand on the handle with an uncomfortable lump forming in my throat from anxiety.

_'Here we go...'_


	33. Chapter 33

I slowly opened the door to see Oliver standing with his hands leaning on the computer desk; he was wearing his Arrow suit with his hood off and his head was bent down in exhaustion. The door clicked behind me, making Oliver look over to me. Luckily, no one else was in the room with the two of us.

Oliver stared blankly at me which made me worry that I couldn't read his emotions. Was he looking at me different now because I was wearing League clothing? The silence started to kill me. _'Say something!'_

"Oli..." I choked out, forcing a breath. "So that was you? You're the one who knew my name?" He asked.

I let him have a nod, but nothing else.

"You didn't twist your leg in a hole, then... I stabbed an arrow through it, is that right?" He continued.

I nodded again in response, but I could tell that there were so many questions that were about to follow. He sighed while looking back to the computer screen. "Why did you protect The Soldier? We could have had him."

"Brennan isn't The Soldier, Oli. The reason I came back to the League was to help prove his innocence." I saw Oliver's face twitch into confusion in the middle of my explanation, "I gave everything to Felicity that proves it... I told her not to give it to you until I could tell you the truth."

Oliver pushed away from the table and turned his body to face me, "Wait... 'back' to the League? Felicity knew about this?" He crossed his arms, which somehow let me know that he was listening.

"Felicity knew... Oliver, I can explain everything to you if you will listen."

He walked towards a step and sat on it, patting the spot next to him for me to join.

I reluctantly sat down on the step beside him; he spoke first, "Y/N, why did you keep this from me? I understand that I kept a secret too, but I did it to _protect_ you."

"Oliver, there is a lot that you don't know about me... This has been my secret since before I moved back to Starling." I explained to him. "Well I don't want any more secrets, Y/N..."

"Okay... then I want no more secrets from you. I want to know what happened to you on that island." I protested.

"Fine, no more secrets." He accepted to my astonishment. "First thing you should know is I haven't been completely honest about the 5 years I spent on Lian Yu... Because I didn't spend all of it on the island."

For the next hour, Oliver opened up to me about Lian Yu, Hong Kong, Russia, and even his ties with the League of Assassins.

"So you were hoping I was a girl named Talia when I said your name? Is that why you couldn't tell who I was?" I asked after the conversation concluded. He shook his head, "I wasn't _hoping,_ but that's the only person I suspected. She had a unique style of fighting; she taught it to me, which means you either got it from me, or you know Talia."

I did a quick inventory of my memory, "No... I don't know of a Talia, I'm sorry..." I leaned against the metal bar of the steps gently, "I find it funny that me and you were both in Russia at the same time... goes to show just how big that country is."

Oliver furrowed his brows, "You were in Russia?" I nodded in response; this was my cue that it was my turn to come clean. "You came back to Starling City the same year the Particle Accelerator exploded. I had been working with S.T.A.R. Labs as a physicist on that project for two years. I don't know if you ever heard that I, too, 'came back from the dead' since you weren't exactly a phone call away. I told everyone a fake cover story about trying to find myself or some shit."

I checked back in with Oliver and was delighted to see him paying close attention to my words. "Six years before I came back, I was taken by a mafia of men who were after my father for hacking their project. At the time, I didn't speak Russian- or Ukrainian for that matter, so I wasn't the most cooperative hostage."

I took a deep breath _._

 _Wow, saying these things out loud is harder than I expected it to be. Now I understand why Oliver had to take so much time to form words_.

"It was.... months, Oliver... They tortured me until I was close to death, just to allow me to heal and torture me more for information I didn't have."

Oliver must have taken notice of the hard time I was having and placed a hand on my knee as support. "Finally, they gave me the choice- tell them, or die... That's when I met Vitka- she saved me... I remember her saying to me 'очень милая девушка...' It means-"

Oliver engaged, "A very sweet girl."

I smiled warmly at him, feeling happy that he knew Russian like I did... Which was exactly why he knew what I said to Vitka that night in the warehouse. "Exactly."

"So, Vitka saves you and you join the League of Assassins? In risk of sounding rude, why did Vitka save you? She didn't know you."

"I found out before I joined the League that Vitka rescued me because she wanted the same information I wouldn't give to the mafia. She basically nursed me back to health even when she knew I had no information to give her... She taught me to fight and saw potential in me, so she offered for me to join the League of Assassins."

Oliver still had his hand on my leg, rubbing it gently with his thumb. I told him about joining the League, meeting Echo, learning to fight, all about Russia, Central City, Barry, and even what happened last night. I made sure to bring Oliver up to speed, telling him about whatever missions I remembered, like saving Felicity, and made sure he knew that I didn't allow any of the bad guys to see the light of day.

Oliver was able to connect to my past _; why didn't I expect him to understand? Like Barry said, me and him are just alike_...

"Y/N... This changes everything." He sighed, looking to his shoes to avoid my eyes. I noticed his hand still on me, so I grabbed it with one hand in hopes he would look at me again. My hopes were fulfilled when I was able to look into his deep blue eyes once more. "Oliver, you're wrong... This changes nothing. I am the same exact woman as the one you met... The only thing that has changed is our trust can be stronger now."

"I don't know..." Oliver admitted. I used my free hand to cup his cheek softly, "I _do_ know."

"All I know, Y/N, is the way I feel about you." With his last statement, he filled the empty air between my lips and his. Butterflies instantly took flight in my stomach when his lips pressed against mine.

Kissing him back gave Oliver approval to pull me onto his lap. He took off my scarf first, followed by my hooded jacket; It was almost unfair how many layers I had compared to him.

Oliver picked me up when he stood up from the stairs and carried me to the spongy fighting floor. I managed to get his Arrow suit off of him while he was carrying me, all of the while never breaking from one another's lips.

 _'You have no idea how bad I've wanted this... Even when you wanted me last time, when I couldn't let you see my leg, I almost was tempted to tell you right then. But I didn't."_ I confessed to him in my private thoughts.

Oliver laid me back on the floor with him on top of me, sucking on my neck while his hands explored my body. I softly moaned and close my eyes.

_'Now this- you... It feels right.'_

Easily as ever, I gave in to him. This time, however, I could do so without having to worry about my leg or my secrets... I could finally exist in the moment.


	34. Chapter 34

- _Starling City - 2 years ago-_

_I was scanning the train station for my sister while dragging a heavy suitcase behind me with one stuck wheel. I remembered being completely frustrated by everything around me. 'Where is she?' I scolded in my thoughts._

_I stopped walking when I was outside of the station and pulled out my phone to call Felicity; as it rang, a man in a suit pulled up in a black car beside me._

_"Y/N?" He asked. I narrowed my eyes slightly at him. "Nope. Sorry, wrong girl." I shrugged. I saw him put the car in park and relax. I scoffed, "Okay, bye now..."_

_Felicity answered the phone finally. 'Thank God!'_

_"Hey!" I greeted, turning your phone away from the guy in the car and covering my mouth with your hand; I still kept an eye on him. "Where are you?" I asked._

_"Oh, I am so sorry. There should be someone there to pick you up and bring you here... I'm at home." I glanced back at the guy who was contently smiling at me. "There's a creepy guy parked in front of me..." I suggested quietly to Felicity._

_I heard her laugh slightly over the phone, "What is the creepy guys name?" I told Felicity to hold on a second, then I turned to the guy who hadn't drove off yet. "What is your name?" I asked._

_He spoke as though I should know the answer, "Oliver Queen?"_

_"Oliver Queen..." I repeated back into the phone. Felicity spoke again, "Brown hair, suit, blue eyes, and muscles for days?"_

_"Uhm... well, yeah." I said while blushing slightly, finally examining the driver. "That's him! See you soon, sis!"_

_The phone call ended and I awkwardly put my hands together and looked at Oliver. He got out of his car, "Y/N?" He repeated devilishly._

_I remembered how shortly before the phone call I had told him he had the wrong girl. He must have seen a picture of me? Something? Oh, maybe he saw the Particle Accelerator explosion on the news... "Well.... yes..." I responded sheepishly._

_He picked up my suitcase and put it in the trunk before he offered to open the passenger door for me._

_As he was walking around to the driver door once more, I pulled out my phone for a quick Google search- Oliver Queen._

_Immediately, I discovered that he was the billionaire son of Queen Consolidated._

_Dumbass... didn't even realize his last name or something?_

_"Are you Google searching me?" Oliver asked halfway down the road in amusement. I blushed ever so slightly, but chose to be sarcastic instead. "I don't get in cars with strangers."_

_I scrolled down a bit more, "Looks like you've created some kind of name for yourself, Mr. Queen."_

_I saw his nose scrunch when I used his formal name. I made it a point to take a mental note that he did not like that... or at least didn't like me using it sarcastically._

_"Great, I am being tailored around Starling City by a billionaire playboy with a criminal record!" I cheered. Oliver laughed devilishly, "And I'm driving a genius physicist with a resume including S.T.A.R. Laboratories."_

_Oof. Good comeback._

_I remembered rolling my eyes at him and saying, "I guess that means we would make quite the team."_

_-End of Flashback-_

-

Waking up was such sweet sorrow; I almost wanted to pretend I didn't notice my mind had brought me from me slumber. For a minute or so, I didn't get up. Instead, I rested my head on Oliver's bare chest and allowed my fingernail to softly trace over the lines of his tattoos and the edges of his scars. "Hey-" Oliver cooed.

I smiled at the sound of his voice to myself before I looked up to his sleepy blue eyes. "Hey." I purred back.

"Maybe we should put our clothes back on before someone catches us with just this blanket, yeah?" He suggested in a groggy voice.

_Oof. His sleepy voice is even sexier than I imagined._

"Mmm... probably for the best." I agreed. The two of us threw on our clothes from the night before. Unfortunately, that meant I had to put on my League gear once again.

_I really need to wash this._

"Hey, I call for a rematch, by the way!" I teased, shoving Oliver's arm gently. He raised an eyebrow, "Didn't you get your ass handed to you one too many times already?"

"Um," I protested, "I was clearly holding back." My response sent Oliver into a fit of laughter. _Wow..._

"Scared of a little competition, Mr. Queen?" I drew out my rapier sword and held it pointing towards him. "Oh, it's on!" He grabbed a sword from one of his many weapon cases and immediately came after me with it.

The fight only lasted for about 10 minutes; we were both an incredibly surprising match for one another. Well, it helped that I had the advantage of knowing exactly how he fought. I had no doubt that he could beat me if he knew me in the League.

I managed to disarm him when knocking him to the ground; I stood over his body with a foot on his chest and my sword pointed inches from his face. I smirked, "Well will you look at that... The great Oliver Queen has fallen."

Oliver rolled his eyes after I stepped off of him and I stored my rapier in it's holster, "Y/N, you know we have to tell the team about you... right?"

I offered a hand to help him off the ground with a hesitant "I know."

"Here, this is probably the easiest way to do this- or at least it's how I would do it." While speaking, Oliver pulled my face mask over my mouth and nose, leaving my eyes exposed as they normally are. Next, he pulled my hood over my hair. "Just let them all get down here and then you can take it off, okay?"

I nodded. How did he know I didn't want to use words to explain to them who I was? In all honesty, it was much easier to break the news when I had the uniform to prove it.

Oliver left into the main room to make a few phone calls, I guessed.

_'Show time...'_


	35. Chapter 35

I decided to join Oliver in the main room. The anticipation from telling the team was forming the worst lump in my throat. Not to mention my stomach was turning like a screw from wondering how everyone would react.

My heart jumped when the door clicked to open... having the mask and hood helped me feel like I was hiding, which was nice. "What's going on?" Felicity frantically asked, stepping into view. "Oh, hey Felicity. We are just telling the rest of the group about Y/N..."

"Oh..." Felicity looked to me and examined me in my Assassin suit for the very first time. She came closer and sat at her desk, which was the desk I was leaning on. "So, you told him?" Felicity asked me. The both of us looked to Oliver to see a disapproving scowl towards Felicity.

I took note of it, "Oliver, I asked her to keep it a secret. You know more than anyone she's good at keeping them."

"I know. I just wish I had known." He leaned against his arrow rack table and folded his arms.

"So, where is everyone else?" Felicity asked.

The door clicked open again. "Right there." Oliver replied; I would have thought it was a joke, but his voice was flat.

Diggle, Roy, and then Sara walked down the stairs and immediately took notice of the Assassin standing beside Felicity. "Uh..." Diggle started, grabbing his gun from his holster.

Sara cautiously stepped closer, "Nyssa?"

I tilted my head slightly, _I didn't think about this... Oh, God. Now I have to disappoint her._

"No." Oliver responded to shut down her hopes as soon as they began. Sara was about a foot away from me; the two of us were just looking into one another's eyes. _'Should I say something..?'_

Oliver's voice interrupted my thoughts, "Diggle, put that away- you won't need it." He looked directly at his gun to indicate what he meant, but didn't uncross his arms.

"If this isn't Nyssa... then who is it?" Sara asked. Roy chimed in, "Yeah, why did you call us in here?"

I could almost physically see Diggle connecting dots in his head. "This is the assassin who attacked you, isn't it?"

Oliver cocked his head slightly, but then nodded. "Yes..."

He walked closer to me and Sara, putting a hand on her shoulder to move her slightly out of the way so the rest of the team could see me. "She showed up the day I went to rescue you, Diggle... After saving her friends from me, she told me exactly where to find you." Oliver looked in my e/c eyes, which made my stomach gently untwist. "She didn't attack me- she was protecting those that she loved, which must have been an impossible choice she was forced to make."

Not that he could see it, but I smiled underneath my mask at him. _He really does understand me... doesn't he?_

I looked back to a very confused team. "Why is she just standing there? Why is she not in a cage?"

"Roy!" Felicity bursted out. Roy instantly defended himself, "What?"

"More importantly, why is she in our supposedly top secret base?" Diggle pointed out.

_'Ugh... I guess it's time.'_

"Because..." I began. I looked at Sara one last time apologetically before gently pulling my hood back and then pulling my mask down to reveal my identity to the team.

None of them spoke except for Oliver, "She is just as much a part of this team as each and every one of us... This changes nothing."

_Why are none of them speaking?_

I scanned the team one by one: Diggle seemed very cautious of how to proceed while Roy and Sara just looked flat-out confused. "Oliver, can I talk to you?" Diggle more or less asked, his arms folded and his eyes locked on me.

"Mmhmn.... Can you all give us a minute?"

Felicity got up and took my hand and led me into the training room. "It's going to be fine, I promise." She purred.

Sara and Roy walked in the room moments later. The second Felicity walked away, I noticed Sara making her way over to me. "I-I'm sorry... you must have been expecting Nyssa."

Sara smiled gently and shook her head, "No, sooner or later everyone in that suit starts to look like her."

I offered a smile back and comforting words, "She misses you." Sara's eyebrows softened at my words, "You know Nyssa?" I simply nodded in return, thinking back to the missions me and her got put on together. "She was one of my closest friends in the League."

"Are you okay though, Y/N?" She asked, placing a hand on my shoulder. It was nice to have one of three trying to accept me. "Sara, I have been in the League for 10 years now... off and on for the past 4 years or so- I am fine."

I saw that I somehow peaked her curiosity with what I said, "Off and on?"

"Yeah? I left the League 4 years ago, but sometimes my old mentors ask for my help... which is why I was protecting Brennan." I paused, but then quickly added, "Brennan is not The Soldier, by the way... I'm sure Felicity and Oliver will fill everyone in on that soon."

"That's not what I was asking about... I'm sure the League had a good reason to protect him. I'm more concerned- or I guess confused- that you think you left the League? Y/N, you don't _leave_ the League of Assassins... Whatever they told you, they were just keeping you on the end of a string. The same thing happened to me, they let us go because of our close connections with the daughter of Ra's."

Sara could see my confusion building up, so she explained further, "I don't have to know you to know that every time they have come to you for help, you have said yes... I know that because if you said no, they would have pulled you right back home."

I tried to process her words. _I mean... she's not wrong._ _I_ _have never said no to helping Vitka, Echo, or even Nyssa... Except that one time Nyssa asked for_ _me_ _to come back home to the League, but that was probably a personal request and not one from her father. But I mean... I would say yes a thousand times if they asked._

"Sara, I really don't mind.... I don't mean to sound any kind of way about this, but I love that League and I would help them unless any member of Team Arrow was the target." I explained. Sara could tell I was being sincere to my priorities, which placed Team Arrow at the top.

"Okay... You might not have a choice on being in the League, but you always have a choice on the person that you want to be- figure out which team matters the most to you like I have, and go all in." She gestured to my Arrow suit that Cisco made me, which was resting on one of the mannequins. Sara walked away to let me think.

_'I guess she's right... It's time to make an impossible choice.'_


	36. Chapter 36

_This feels better._

I ran my hand along the ridges of my jacket arms, feeling the leather bumps along my skin. _It's much more form fitting than my other costume._ I giggled when I caught myself calling the uniforms 'costumes' in my thoughts.

_Cisco really pays close attention to his designs... it's perfect in every way, but something tells me it wouldn't look right on anyone else- just as Sara's outfit would look ridiculous on me._

I took the bow and quiver Wells gave to me and I attached it onto my back. _He even made sure it would fit comfortably with my bow and quiver! ...Barry is lucky to have a new suit from Cisco every year. Hah! How does Cisco have time to fight crime?_

I looked down at my Assassin suit and got an idea. "A little bit of history, maybe? A little new, a little old." I quietly said out loud. I grabbed the sword belt out of the pile and wrapped it around my waist. _Perfect... Thank God my belt is black!_

I unattached my rapier from my old quiver so I could attach it underneath of the new one. Carefully, I slid the rapier into its rightful spot on my back. I took a look into the mirror to see how different the suit looked from last time I wore it. My insides were screaming, wanting to bust out in tears at how absolutely perfect it is.

Oliver busted into the room as if he didn't know where I had gone and finally found me after weeks of searching. "Hello?" I softly greeted. Oliver stopped in front of me and examined my new look. "Oh, wow-" he said in a breathy voice.

Hearing him approving my choice made me blush, but it was instantly chased away at his next choice of words, "Diggle is having a hard time trusting you. However, we think that we have a plan that can stop Slade."

Oliver grabbed the sides of my arms so I would look at him directly. "I need you to hide... I can't 100% do what I know I have to do if I don't know that you are safe."

"Oli, I can help. Just tell me the plan."

He shook his head, "No, Y/N... I need you to be far away from here." My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Why? You can't just ask me-"

"I'm not asking." He snapped, "I will come and get you when this is all over."

_Seriously? He can't tell me not to help in such a desperate time!_

I decided to protest, "No-"

"Y/N..."

"No! Not unless you tell me why." I growled. He sighed, "I need you to be safe."

I could tell he was sincere with his words, which meant that he cared. However, I also knew that I would be an asset to the mission.

"Well I don't want to be safe... I want to be with you and the others- Unsafe!"

_That sounded a lot less stupid in my mind..._

Oliver didn't seem to mind how stupid it sounded, but cared more for the context. "I can't let that happen."

"Oliver, you're not making any sense."

"Y/N... On the island, Laurel was always the one who got me through the day... I would stare at her picture for hours. Slade took Laurel because he wants to kill the woman I love."

_Why is he telling me this?_

"I know, so?"

"So he took the wrong woman."

The words somehow calmed me while simultaneously making my heart beat faster and faster. I had never heard him admit his feelings to me before. I debated on returning my feelings, _Maybe he didn't even realize what he said... Do I say something back? Do I tell him how I feel?_

_...No... He didn't exactly say the three words he meant to say. I'll save it for next time._

I released a breath I wasn't aware I was holding, "Oh..."

"I love you." He admitted. _There it is... those are the three words_ _I_ _didn't think Oliver would ever dare to admit._

"Do you understand?"

I nodded at him, then was pleased to receive a loving kiss on my lips. I wasn't sure how long it lasted, but it felt like a lifetime. "Go." Oliver told me when he broke from my lips.

He walked towards the door with purpose. _Wait, I didn't get to tell him how I feel..._

"Oliver w-" I began. He snapped in response, "Now!"

I scooped up my old clothes and tossed them in my bag, along with my weapons- well, the best I could. As quickly as I could, I rushed home to pack for Central City. _Maybe I can get Barry to take me there if he isn't too busy? If he minds me staying at his place, I can always ask Caitlin..._

I tried my hardest to push down feelings of fear from Slade and adoration from Oliver. _Does he really love me?_

The second I made it into my bedroom, I shoved whatever outfits I had close to me into a bag, knowing I could buy whatever it was I forget.

I threw my bag on the bed and turned around to gather my toothbrush. Once I turned around, _there he_ _was_ _._

_Oh, God!_

I stared back at the man I knew all too well- _Slade Wilson._

I slowly backed up, reaching my hand for the bag my sword was in. He grinned wide at me, "Hello, Miss Smoak... I have been looking for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***A/N: One of my favorite scenes in the entire show :) I was very excited to reimagine it for everyone!***


	37. Chapter 37

_-After being Captured - Earlier today-_

_I was_ _easily overpowered in_ _my_ _own house without having_ _my_ _weapons close at hand. Honestly,_ _I wasn't_ _convinced_ _I_ _stood a chance even if_ _I_ _was_ _fully armed._

_I_ _defeated men like him before... but never alone._

_"You've been busy_ _,_ _kid" Slade's words were like nails on a chalkboard to_ _my_ _ears._ _I_ _couldn't hear a word Oliver was saying to him on the other end of the phone._

_"And I pity them... But once again, you missed the point." Slade looked back behind him to_ _me_ _, who had a sword pressed gently against_ _my_ _throat by one of his soldiers. "I have the one you love."_

_Slade smiled devilishly at_ _me_ _before turning back around to talk on the phone, "You're going to meet me where I say... Otherwise, I am going to kill her."_ _I_ _had to force_ _myself_ _not to swallow the lump of anxiety in fear of cutting_ _myself_ _on the cold blade._

_Whatever it was Oliver said to Slade, it pissed him off. "You're done when_ _I_ _say you're done!" He shout_ _ed_ _angrily._

_He took a few moments to calm himself before continuing with what he had to say, "I was surprised... I thought you had a thing for stronger women. But now that I've met her, I can see the appeal. She is quite lovely-"_

_Slade gracefully pulled out his sword from its resting spot on his back and slowly turned to see the fear on_ _my_ _face._

_"Your Y/N."_

_-End of Flashback-_

-

"Twitch and I'll open your throat. My first words to you." The chilling voice echoed through the entire building after I heard a sound of Oliver entering the establishment. _My God... I hope he knows what he is doing..._

I could feel the coldness of the sword against my neck chilling my bones to the core. I kept trying to stretch my neck up more and more to get away from the blade, but Slade constantly pulled the weapon closer with every inch I attempted to leave. He continued talking to Oliver in anticipation of his arrival, "Do you remember? ...I do. I remember the exact moment. My blade against your neck just like my blade is against the neck of your beloved. If only id killed you then... everything would be different."

Oliver came into sight with fully loaded bow pointed straight at Slade. The only thing I suspected was keeping him from releasing the arrow is how close Slade's weapon was to my neck. "Drop the bow, kid."

Oliver hesitated, but then I remembered an important fact- I had the cure in my pocket! Very gently and sneakily, I used my fingers to pull the cure out only enough for Oliver to see what I had in my pocket. "Do it." Slade growled at him since his bow was still drawn.

Oliver gently relaxed the tension in his bow, then placed it at his feet. _I'm not close enough to a part of Slade that isn't fortified with armor... Oliver, I need your help._ I said in my mind- if only Oliver could hear my thoughts.

Slade spoke once more, "Yes. Countless nights dreaming of taking from you all that you took from me-"

"By killing the woman I love..."

"Yes."

Oliver was a creepy level of calm the entire time he was speaking to Slade, "Like you love Shado..." he responded.

"Yes..."

"You see her don't you? What does she look like in your madness, Slade? What does she say to you?" Slade released the sword from my neck, allowing my tense body to break down and dropped me to my knees. Likewise, I could finally swallow the lump in my throat and my eyes were able to tear up. I silently sobbed; _have_ _I_ _ever been this terrified in_ _my_ _life?_

"I remember her being beautiful... Young- Kind." Oli's words would normally soothe me if it weren't for Slade dragging his sword around my shoulders as he distractedly walked around the back of me. "She would be horrified by what you've done in her name."

"What I have done?" Slade snarled, being activated by Oliver's words, "What I have done is what you lack the courage to do. To fight for her! So..." Slade rested the edge of his sword on my shoulder by the flat part of the blade, "...When her body lies at your feet- her blood wet against your skin, then you will know how I feel!"

"I already know how you feel. I know what its like to hate... To want revenge- And now I know how it feels to see my enemy so distracted he doesnt see the real danger is right in front of him" Oliver glanced at me- _This is my cue..._

I gently stood up while digging the cure out of my pocket. Luckily, Slade was distracted by the words Oliver was using to dig into his mind. I took one deep breath, then I jammed the needle behind me into Slade's neck before hauling ass away from the length of his sword.

Oliver picked up his bow from the floor; Slade shouted in agony, then pulled the needle out of his neck.

_He's too late_ _._

"Y/N, go!!! Find Laurel!" Oliver demanded to me. "I will meet up with you, I promise!"

I wanted so badly to shout that I loved him, but I knew that now was far from the right time for that...

 _Please survive..._ I told him in my head.

I rushed out of the room to let Oliver fight Slade by himself. Thankfully, the cure worked its way through the bloodstream insanely fast.

I made my way to where Slade was holding me and Laurel. "Laurel!" I shouted in relief when I saw she was alive still. "Y/N!"

We got to know each other a bit while chained up down there... not that I wanted her to know much about me, but it was hard to deny when I was wearing superhero clothing.

"We're getting the hell out of here." I promised her, releasing her chains and grabbing her hand. She nodded quickly and followed me out of the building to safety.


	38. Chapter 38

After getting Laurel back home safely, I rushed to Verdant where the team was. "Y/N!" Felicity shouted through tears when I walked through the door. She rushed over to me and wrapped me in her arms. "Where is Oliver?" Diggle asked me.

The words instantly ripped at my heart and made me cry, "He's fighting Slade... I came here to see if he was in contact with you."

I let go of Felicity so I could scramble on my computer keyboard to try tracking him. I pressed the mic, "Oliver!?"

The tracking continuously came up inconclusive and Oliver's mic seemed to be offline also. I tried as hard as I could to track him for nearly an hour.

I finally gave up and fell down onto my knees and started sobbing, "I shouldn't have left him there..."

The team surrounded me; they were just as worried, but I clearly had more of an attachment to the situation since I was there beside him. "You were doing exactly what Oliver wanted you to do, Y/N... This isn't your fault." Diggle assured.

Roy nodded in agreement, "Plus, Oliver is strong... I'm sure he's okay."

"You don't get it... neither of you do. I am the reason he is in that situation in the first place. I should have stayed and I should have fought Slade Wilson with him. Instead, I chose to run away and abandon him!" I explained.

I buried my head into my hands, "This is my fault..."

"This isn't your fault..." The familiar voice cut into the air from where I had entered. I yanked my head in the direction to see Oliver standing in full gear with battle wounds, but still standing strong. "I never want to hear you blame yourself again, do you understand?" He added. His words went right through me. "Oliver?"

I wiped my eyes with my sleeve; the team then made a hole for me to run to him and wrap my arms around him. "Where the hell were you?" Felicity asked him.

I squeezed my eyes shut and enjoyed Oliver's arms wrapping tightly around my body. His head rested gently on top of mine. "My coms were damaged in the fight... I came straight here. A.R.G.U.S. has Slade and they're taking him somewhere he won't hurt anyone again."

Diggle noticed the way Oliver was holding me close to his body. He had his arms over mine, but one of his hands were wrapped around and pressing the small of my back so I would be closer against him. Oliver allowed his eyes to rest with his chin on my head while he enjoyed the moment.

"Uh..." I heard Diggle interrupt, "Let's give them two a second."

I held Oliver tighter; never did I think I would be afraid of him dying like I was today. It was a surreal and helpless feeling when the technology we relied on gets stripped away from our disposal.

Oliver gently let go of the embrace when the team left so he could wipe my tears. He offered a comforting smile, which eased every one of my fears. "I promised you I would meet up with you again." He purred.

"Oliver, it isn't up to you whether or not you keep your promises... not promises like those." I paused before deciding to explain so he would hopefully understand, "Back in the League... I couldn't care less about casualties- I knew it was part of the job so I made it certain that I was only at arms length with everyone I worked with... even Vitka and Echo."

Oliver tilted his head slightly and batted his eyes a few times. Now that I was looking closer at his facial features, I could see how dirty and tough the fight must have been- especially to have lasted so long. "Oliver, you don't get it-"

"Yes, I do..." He responded in a soothing tone. I cut him off, "No-"

I looked into his deep blue eyes, finally finding the time that seemed best, "Oliver, I love you."

I thought he would expect me to say those three words, especially after everything the two of us had been through; his face begged to differ. _I guess I'm better at hiding my feelings than I thought? Maybe he really does find it that hard to believe someone could care for him so much.'_

He didn't respond. Instead, he pulled me close to him again and pressed his lips firmly onto mine. I didn't even hesitate for a second before returning the same force behind my kiss.

I shared two or three more kisses with him, each more passionate than the one before. I felt his hands slide under my jacket, but then I felt his face wince once between kisses. I almost pulled away, but I discovered it was not from pain, but because he couldn't feel my skin with his gloves still on.

Oliver threw his gloves off of his hands and onto the floor, quickly returning his hands to their previous spot under my jacket. _Yup.. that's much better._ A shiver was sent up my spine at his soft touch.

 _I_ _do admit,_ _I_ _could let this go on and on until_ _I_ _can't handle any more of him... but there is a whole team in the other room who don't need to witness anything more than a kiss if they wandered back into the room_. I comprised with myself, _Just a bit longer..._

I allowed my hands to tangle themselves in his hair underneath his hood. It allowed Oliver to get his body closer to mine, reaching his hands further up and under my sport-bra. I softly moaned against his lips. _On second thought... please don't let this end._

He took a few steps towards me _,_ which caused me to stumble backwards since my body was already against his. He continued to do this until my back was pressed against one of the pillars. _Sneaky._

Oliver pulled away gently and talked against my lips with heavy breaths, "Y/N... I still believe that I can't have this hood and also have you."

"You have us both right now...." I said while he was refusing to pull away from my lips.

"Y/N,... I'm choosing you; I am done being the Arrow." He explained quietly. I finally pulled my face away from his so I could examine his words without distractions. I shook my head with furrowed eyebrows, "I could never ask you to do that, Oliver."

"You don't have to ask." He assured. I was about to argue with him, but he pressed his lips against mine once more. _I can argue later..._ I kissed him back again, hoping to get back to how the two of us were before having the conversation. "Didn't mean to interrupt." Diggle stated, projecting his voice into the room. I broke away from Oliver and turned around to see the team. I smiled wide, "It's fine, Diggle." I looked back at Oliver just to catch him still gazing at me lovingly. 

"We're glad you're okay, Oli..." Felicity told him in relief; I was happy to see smiles on everyones faces. "We are all going to celebrate in a bit if the two of you are up for it." Roy told me and Oliver with a wide smile.

Oliver returned the expression, "That sounds wonderful."

"I'll be there, too." I said in agreement, then added- "Only... I need to change and all."

Diggle laughed at my response, "Copy that."

Everyone left except for me, Oli, and Felicity. I walked over to my sister while she gathered her belongings, "Hey-" I greeted.

"Y/N, how are you feeling? I can't imagine how it must have felt being there with Slade..." She said sympathetically. "It's fine... I've been through much worse."

There was an awkward pause before I spoke again, "Do you mind if I stay back and talk to Oliver."

She giggled with a wink, "Yeah, I'm sure you just want to talk." I blushed, but couldn't necessarily deny it. "I'll see you tonight if not back home."

"Alright; I am glad you're okay." She gave me a hug before leaving Verdant.

I turned around slowly to see Oliver standing where I left him with his arms folded across his chest. I didn't see when he had done it, but his hood and face mask were both off of his head now. _Damn... what is it with that suit._

It was as though Oliver tapped into my thoughts. He pressed his lips and tilted his head gently as if struggling to find words. "That suit... it looks amazing on you." He took slow but purposeful steps towards me, "Simply irresistible..."

I smiled at him. How did he have the power to make me feel so..... normal? Like I wasn't a trained assassin? Like he didn't fight crime at night?

He released his hands so he could grab mine when he was close enough. "What do you say we have a pre-celebration at my place?" He suggested, using one of his hands to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. "I would say that sounds pretty great."


	39. Chapter 39

"To us?" Oliver stated while offering to clink his champagne glass to mine. I smiled gently at him, "To Team Arrow." I clinked mu glass then took a sip. He sighed instead of drinking, "Y/N..."

He should have known he wouldn't escape this conversation for very long, "You can't stop what you do- the good you do for this city because you have it in your head that you can't have both me and the hood."

I watched him take a gulp of his champagne before setting it on the coffee table between the sofa we were both on and the fire place. "Slade is gone... Starling City is safe for right now, Y/N. I trust Diggle and Felicity- Roy and Sara to take care of this city by themselves."

"Are you sure you want to leave this life behind you?" I asked, but then found a better point I needed to make, "I can't have you leaving the Arrow behind because of me... I need it to be because you truly want to- for yourself."

I watched his every move as he leaned in towards me and took my champagne glass from me. He sat it down beside his then pulled my body closer to his. "I love you... Starling City will be fine without us for a while..."

The first three words he said to me made me melt closer to his body. I took his other words with a grain of salt since I was a bit distracted as of right then. "Okay..." I agreed hesitantly, leaning closer to receive the kiss I was longing for.

My desires were only half fulfilled; Oliver softly kissed my lips, but my body craved more. I softly whined, but still kissed him back.

Oliver seemed to get the hint, so he tugged me on top of him so I was straddling his lap and he slid his tongue into a deeper kiss. I would have assumed it would be enough to satisfy me, but it left me wanting more. He took off his own jacket and top so I could see his sculpted body.

He peeled my jacket off of me and moved his fingers around to unclip my bra. "Oliver..." I groaned before having my lip nibbled on with his teeth. "Hmm?" He purred, allowing his hands to trail down to my jeans. "Our friends are going to be waiting for us..." He flipped me so I was pinned under him. "So?" He grinned. He left my lips so he could place love bites down the side of my neck.

"So... we have to get dressed and ready to go." My words said one thing, but my hands had a mind of their own and reached down to unbutton his green leather pants. "Then let me help get you undressed." He requested, sliding my tank top off with ease.

I smiled wide when his lips found their home back on mine. While kissing, the two of us helped one another get undressed; luckily, I never had to part from his kisses since neither of us had shirts on at that point.

Oliver gripped my hips and pulled them close against his body while breaking from my kisses only to suck gently on my neck. _Mmm... I could let him do this forever...._

I heard one of the phones start vibrating, causing Oliver to groan in frustration. "Who's phone is that?" He asked. "Um, mine- I think."

He shrugged and spoke against my neck, "Okay, well.... They can call back- you're busy." I felt him slide into me easily while also gripping my hips tighter so he could use them to dig deeper into me. My eyes drifted shut and I moaned loudly while leaning back my head.

I heard a phone start vibrating again. "Ugh..." I complained, "That one is yours."

Oliver huffed before reaching for his phone, "It's your sister."

_'Felicity, why!?'_

"You have to answer it-" I reluctantly told him. "Mmhmn..."

Oli turned so he was on his back and I was on top of him so he didn't have to keep himself up. "What?" He answered in the phone slightly annoyed.

 _I have a good idea... well, an idea._ I thought while walking my fingers up and down his chest and abs. I gently started grinding with him still inside of me. I made him bite his bottom lip, trying so hard to concentrate on the phone call. "Mmhmn.... When?" He said into the phone.

"When is it?"

I decided to tease him more, so I leaned down and sucked on the side of his neck opposite from where he was holding the phone, all while still grinding against him. "Oh, I didn't notice.... Yeah, we will be right there. I-I can bring Y/N home first if you wanted to."

Oli took his free hand and tightly squeezed my waist to relieve some of his body's tension. "Okay- see you soon."

Oliver clicked the end button and physically chucked the phone against the wall in one motion, allowing it to thud against a wall. He tried to roll back on top of me, but due to the lack of space he fell off the sofa with me, causing his length to shove deeper inside. "Oliver!" I half yelled, half moaned.

"I'm sorry but you're in trouble now, missy." He warned with a low growl.

I was able to adjust under him before he pressed his gorgeous body against me again, and again. _He is perfect, even with all of his scars- perfect._

I wasn't sure how long it took, but by the end both of us were completely breathless and I could turn my head to see him laying on the floor next to me trying to recuperate.

Seeing Oliver with a sweaty forehead and body wasn't a common sight, especially considering how much he worked out at the hideout. _'Good work.'_ I told myself, giving credit for making him like that.

"We... we have to get you back to your house so you can get ready for the party." He finally stated, turning his head to see my face reflecting the light from the fireplace.

I stuck out my lip in a pout, making him chuckle lightly; he softly kissed my lips, "C'mon, let's go."

Oliver helped me up so I could get ready to go back to my house to get ready _again,_ but this time for the celebration dinner.


	40. Chapter 40

Riding in a cab to the celebration dinner with Felicity made me feel... mundane- but in the best way possible. It was nice to finally feel normal for a change. Clearly, I knew I wasn't normal by any circumstances... but couldn't I pretend for a moment?

I walked in with my sister after the rest of the team had already settled down in their seats. Oliver had reserved the entire rooftop seating for the group, which went to prove again how nice it was to have so much money.

My eyes immediately locked on to Oliver, who was already smiling at me through his deep blue eyes. In fear of letting my cheeks turn more red than they already had, I diverted my attention to the empty seat across from Oliver.

 _Does Diggle still, like... hate me or whatever_ _?_ I questioned silently before taking my seat beside John. He offered me a brief, but welcoming smile. _Awkward..._

The food didn't take long to reach the table after everyone ordered- "Thank God! I am starving!" Felicity cheered, rubbing her hands together energetically in preparation for her food's arrival.

The dinner became quiet for me- Oliver talked to everyone who spoke to him, and no one seemed to spark a conversation with me, not that I was complaining. Occasionally, I shared a quick glance with Oliver from across the table. Mostly, however, I stuck to my dinner and observed the conversations.

"Y/N, can I talk to you?" Diggle finally asked after everyone had gotten up; he pulled me to the side discretely. "Listen, I might not agree with anything the League stands for... but Sara is in it, too."

I let my eyes squint half-way from confusion before waiting to see what he had to say next. "Maybe I misjudged you... I mean, Oliver trusts you, so I think I may be able to learn to trust you." Diggle looked past my shoulder to see Oliver having a good time saying goodbye to everyone, "I've never seen him this happy... He deserves it." He looked back at me, "If you can give him the happiness he deserves, then I am glad you are part of this team regardless who you were."

I smiled slightly, "Thank you, John..."

I followed Diggle back to the group, where Oliver was holding two champagne glasses- one for him, one for me. "I have something to tell everyone-" He began; I accepted the glass curiously.

"When I first started my crusade I wanted to be alone. One by one, each of you in some way or another joined in and become part of something more- a team. The truth is, we won back our city because I wasn't alone. And now..."

Oliver turned his head to me with a smile, "I ask that all of you watch over this city while we are gone."

_Oh... so this is when he is deciding to make up his mind..._

"What? Where are you going?" Sara asked. Oliver put his relaxed attention on her, "Somewhere far from here."

I examined the looks on everyone's faces, although Diggle seemed to already know what Oliver had to say. _I_ _guess he already talked to Diggle?_

"I feel that Starling City is safe in the hands of this team. I don't know how long we will be gone, but always know I am a call away." He assured. "We're... It's going to be weird..." Roy stuttered, maybe trying to find words.

_He's right... we can't leave this city, especially after a threat like Slade. Oh, God... how stupid am I to think me and Oli could have a life together somewhere far from this city of pain?_

_He said he can't have his hood while also having me... Maybe I can't have mine either and still have him..._

Felicity took a step forward, "Oliver, you have done so much for this city... so much for us. We will do everything in our power while you are away; you deserve this...." She lifted her glass, "To Team Arrow-"

"To Team Arrow!" Me, and everyone else repeated before clinking the glasses.

 _Or_... _Maybe this can work..._ I thought, seeing the team smiling individually as if time were in slow motion. _You make me happy, Oliver..._ I said to him only in my mind as the two of us walked towards his convertible car. He opened and shut the door for me.

 _It's funny... I know we've only used the word once, but I have never been more sure when it comes to how I feel about you- I love you._ I offered a smile to Oliver when he noticed me looking at him for a prolonged time. I noticed him tilt his head slightly and squint his eyes, but he didn't ask... and I didn't tell.

_Everything I know goes against this- us. Echo told me never to get attached or our enemies will use that connection to tear us down... Wells taught me that you can never have the ones who you desire most. Even you... you taught me that we can't have the lives that we have while also having one another...._

The car growled to life before zipping out onto the open roads. Oliver had one hand on the steering wheel and the other resting gently on my thigh.

_I know you think you're giving up the hood for me, but I think deep down we both know it's an illusion- an oasis._

"So... Where are we going?" I asked in a hopeless attempt to silence my thoughts. "You'll see." He responded.

 _Maybe they were all wrong... maybe the one person who truly understands happiness is the girl who is denied love- Nyssa Al Ghul._ I recalled when Nyssa sat on the rooftop bar with me after closing, talking about why she came back to Starling City to clear her mind.

 _"_ Can I say something strange?" Oliver finally asked after we were both on the Pacific Coast Highway.

I gave him a "hm," but it was along with Nyssa's words in my head: ' _Home is where the heart is.'_

 _"_ I'm happy." Oliver admitted with a smile. I unintentionally smiled wide back at him.

_I don't know where we are going- I don't care. All I do know is it is home if he is there with me._

"I could say the same thing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it!!! Thank you so much to everyone who read


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